


The Bi Wife

by Thebiwife



Category: The Good Wife (TV)
Genre: Adultery, Alternate Timelines, Bi-Curiosity, Bisexuality, Coming Out, Drug Use, F/F, Femslash February, Friends to Lovers, Light BDSM, Multi, Open Relationships, Polyamory Negotiations, Secret Relationship, Swingers, Workplace Relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-30
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:41:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 41,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23936254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thebiwife/pseuds/Thebiwife
Summary: In an alternate timeline where Kalinda never revealed her biggest secret to Alicia, they get closer before she learns the truth
Relationships: Alicia Florrick/Aubrey Gardner/Kalinda Sharma, Alicia Florrick/Kalinda Sharma, Alicia Florrick/Kalinda Sharma/Maddie Hayward, Lana Delaney/Kalinda Sharma
Comments: 26
Kudos: 34
Collections: Femslash February





	1. Closed Book

Alicia was sitting at her desk, racking her brain for something they could use to fight the Huntley lawsuit when there was a knock at the door. She looked up and spotted Kalinda. She nodded for Kalinda to enter and clicked the door quietly behind her.

“I heard about...you and Will.”

“What do you mean?”

“Come on Alicia, everyone knew. I’m sorry.”

Alicia stubbornly gritted her teeth.

“What happened?”

She dropped her head in her hands, and decided once she lifted it she would talk on the same page as her colleague. “I don’t know. I lost my heart.”

“No, you know what you did? You let your heart interfere in the first place.”

“And how do you stop yourself from falling for someone?”

“No familial routine. No hand holding. A fuck and go kinda basis.”

“That was pretty much what the situation was...”

“Oh come on. You had affection, feelings for each other. You couldn't act on it even though you wanted to it and it burnt out. It was bound to.”

“I didn't want that. Didn’t Diane force Will to end things?!”

“And he agreed to. He didn’t fight for you, and you didn’t fight for him. I would fight for you.”

Kalinda put her hand down on top of Alicia’s. 

“Kalinda...this is so inappropriate.”

“Come on, it's not like we’re talking about you _fucking your boss_.”

Alicia hated that she had a point. She gestured for Kalinda to take a seat at the opposite side of her desk, if only to maintain a mirage that the heated discussion was work related.

“What do you mean you would fight for me!?” 

“A woman like you doesn’t come along twice. I want you, Alicia. I always have.”

“You always want what you can’t have.”

“Alicia, we both know that’s not true.”

“No, you’re talking about you and me? Like it’s a possibility? You know what a shitshow my personal life has been for the last few years. Maybe I just need time alone. Can you leave my office please.”

Kalinda got up to leave but stopped before the door. “Come on, Alicia. I see how you look at me. You know it’s a possibility.”

“I’m not interested.”

 _I’m such a fucking liar_ , she thought to herself, as Kalinda turned her back and left.

* * *

Alicia and Will were alone in the elevator. The first time they’d been alone since...their regular hotel visits. After a few moments' silence Will broke the awkwardness.

“I miss you, Alicia. Let’s get a drink, Thursday night?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Come on, I know you’re free, the kids are with Peter. Unless you have other plans.”

“I do…actually.” She had to think on her feet. The elevator doors opened and Kalinda looked straight at her.

“Kalinda, we have plans on Thursday night right?” She raised her eyebrow behind Will in sheer desperation.

“Right, yeah. Just us and a few of the, um...junior associates.” Kalinda stumbled through her sentence.

“Ok, well, you guys have fun…” Will said, a skeptical tone in his voice, as they exited the lobby, seeming rather surprised to see the two of them stay behind by the reception. After he turned away Alicia grabbed Kalinda by the wrist and dragged her into the ladies room. A quick sweep under the front of the four stalls confirmed they were alone.

“Thank You. You just saved my ass big time.”

“And you live for it,” Kalinda said and licked her lips. “So we may as well make actual plans. My place? Thursday, after eight. You’ll need to find your copy of _Eat, Pray, Love_ to see where you stashed my address. Oh, and wear something I wouldn’t expect you to.”

“You’re not actually having a party?”

“You think I’d have the rest of these guys around my place? I'm a Closed. Book.”  
  


* * *

  
Until Wednesday aftenoon Alicia hadn’t even considered taking Kalinda up on her offer to hang out outside of work - and outside of their regular tequila shots at the bar near the office - assuming she hadn't been serious, until Kalinda interrupted a discussion between her and Diane to interject with ‘the Thursday offer is still on the table.’ Luckily Diane never reads too much into what’s going on in Alicia’s cases now she’s effectively allowed to work unchaperoned.

Alicia was herself most intrigued by Kalinda’s instructions, 'wear something I wouldn’t expect you to'. She struggled to put anything together in her head that was appropriate in the cab home from work, flipping from trying to dress like Kalinda to wearing the fewest clothes possible.

“Didn’t expect you home yet,” Grace smiled, giving her mom a hug as she walked through the door.

Alicia headed to the living room to join Zach.

“What’s up?” he asked.

“Well...someone from work is having a...party tomorrow. And since you guys have Thursday night dinners with your dad I thought I’d swing by. Thing is…”

“You need help choosing an outfit?” Grace laughed. “When was the last time you went to a party?”

“I don’t know! But I need ideas. It’s tomorrow and I hardly have time to go buy anything. I can’t wear what I would for work.”

“By the way, Mom, Mr Gold called. He asked for you to call him back,” Zach said, getting tired of the talk of parties and outfits and heading back to his room.

"Tell your Dad you're both staying over tomorrow!" Alicia shouted back to him, picking the house phone off the hook and returning the last call. “Eli, hi, it’s Alicia. You called?”

“It’s fine, all in hand.”

“Ok, um. Can I ask you something? Just a quick favour.” She looked behind over her shoulder to her daughter who thankfully didn’t seem interested now she'd switched on the TV. “If Peter asks can you pretend you were also invited to a party tomorrow night for the firm, make it sound like a boring work thing? You don’t even have to pretend you’re going.”

“What do you need an alibi for Mrs Florrick.”

“Oh, nothing major. You know what Jackie is like. If I’m not home when the kids are done with dinner all hell breaks loose.”

“And where will you be?”

“At a party. With friends. I just don’t want any ...speculation.”

“Ok, fine Alicia. But I don’t want to end up having to manage you stumbling out of the club at 3am and puking in the gutter. That's not what saints do.”

“That will not be the case.”

“But hey, Alicia. You could have invited me. Whose party even is it?”

“Kalinda’s.”

"Kalinda’s!? I like Kalinda! Why didn’t she invite me?”

Alicia laughed. “I don’t know. Don’t ask her. You know what she’s like. Closed book.”


	2. Open to New Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kalinda invites Alicia to her place

It was so warm once Alicia stepped inside the building out of the cold Chicago air, she felt clammy taking the stairs and took off her coat as she reached 3B. She could hardly believe she was standing on Kalinda’s doormat in a mini skirt and low-cut blouse. Grace had approved, so it can’t have been _too_ revealing. She knocked promptly, the way she does on office doors, her signature three swift taps. The door opened after a few seconds. 

“Wow, you came,” Kalinda half-smiled through the chain on the door. _Plenty of time to come later_. Kalinda hated herself for even thinking that.

“Do you want me to come in Kalinda?” Alicia asked, not sure whether to laugh or cry at the awkwardness of her being kept outside the apartment in her more than casual clothes.

“Of course I do. Wow, _this_ is a treat,” she looked Alicia up and down. “you really did go wild with the brief, huh?” 

“Is it that hard to imagine me wearing anything that isn't appropriate for court.”

“Nancy Crozier would wear that for court,” Kalinda sneered. She opened the door and Alicia stepped inside. Kalinda was wearing a long black dress that was cut at the side up to her thigh. Her cleavage was tastefully enhanced by the v-cut of the top, and the long sleeves defined her dainty figure in the most feminine shape Alicia has ever noticed.

“What, you mean you never expected me to come here with my legs out?” 

“Well it’s not like you don’t get your legs out for court, but I didn’t for one second expect casual wear, I like it.” Kalinda smiled. “You want anything to drink?”

“Whatever you’re having,” she replied, following scents into the white-washed apartment until she spotted the source. A mixed mezze of middle-eastern dishes that brightened up the otherwise spotless kitchen. Alicia only then realized that that her nipples had frozen solid in the cold apartment. She folded her coat into her arms and attempted to warm herself up.

Kalinda brought over two glasses of red wine, handing the fullest one to Alicia.

"I have never seen you drink wine," Alicia commented.

"I figured I should please my guest,” she smiled, taking Alicia’s coat from her, which she reluctantly let go.

“I'm sorry, I didn't even think of bringing anything to drink,” Alicia smiled, being polite and awkwardly brushing her hair out of her face, arms folded.

“I hope you haven’t already eaten. Help yourself.”

"I haven’t, but you shouldn’t have. Did you make all of this?”

Kalinda nodded. "Eat. You need your strength,” she joked, handing her a plate before picking up and sipping her drink.

“Impressive!”

Kalinda shrugged. “I picked up a lot of tricks at a Lebanese restaurant I once worked at. The whole place was staffed by white college guys. They thought hiring me would bring ‘authenticity’.” She picked up and clinked her glass with Alicia’s.

“ _Leela_ does sound more Lebanese than Indian,” Alicia said, thinking out loud.

“My name is _Kalinda_. And also what would you know, Snow White.” Kalinda steadied her glass on the counter.

“Point taken.”

Kalinda ate entirely with her hands. She would tear flatbread and attempt to feed Alicia the things she insisted she try. Alicia awkwardly picked and chose other things with the few utensils on the table. 

“This is really good, Kalinda,” she smiled, “thanks.”

“Thank _you_ for coming. I hoped this wouldn’t all be in vain.”

“It’s not.”

They ate in silence. Alicia struggled to find a topic of conversation. “I didn’t even know you’re vegetarian.”

“I’m not. I just don’t eat beef, I was raised Hindu. And in general I just don’t choose to eat meat that often.”

“Do you eat fish then?”

Kalinda held her hand in front of her mouth, trying not to embarrass herself laughing with food in her mouth. “Mrs. Florrick, I didn’t expect that from you.”

“Expect what?”

“The... _cunnilingus_ joke.”

“Is that what you thought I meant?” Alicia flushed red. “That’s not what I meant.”

“What so you’re not here because you want to _get laid_?” Kalinda began to push Alicia towards her motive for inviting her over.

“Excuse me?”

“Well I don’t know what you want _per se_ , but I thought it might be?”

“No.”

“Wow, talk about direct.”

“No, I mean, I like you, Kalinda.”

“ _Like_ me?”

“Yes, I said I _like_ you, Kalinda.”

“Platonically?”

“Maybe.”

“So you dress up like this for a _friend_?”

“My _daughter_ helped me choose this outfit.”

Kalinda laughed.

“What?”

“I don’t know if she’d approve,” Kalinda shuffled towards her, taking her hand. 

“What do you mean?”

“Isn’t she quite...conservative?”

Alicia inhaled deeply, trying to get her head around the conversation they were having. “Is this an attempt at a date? Is that why you wanted me here?”

“Alicia, I want to **be** with you.”

“ **Be** with me?” Alicia repeated, hesitantly. 

“A _date_ would heading in the right direction, at least,” Kalinda smiled, and kissed her, an unrequited kiss on her lips. Kalinda kept eye contact with her, running her hand through Alicia's hair, thick to the touch. “I wouldn’t call your choice of outfit first date attire but, we can call this a first date.” 

“What do you want, Kalinda?”

“Sex?” Kalinda stopped herself from winking, limiting the kind of body language her usual lady lovers would find endearing.

Alicia sat silently, lingering near Kalinda who was now trying to conceal her heavy breathing by inhaling through her nose.

Kalinda desperately tried to read Alicia’s reaction to her proposition, expecting a straight rejection.

“I’d like that,” Alicia whispered nervously, sipping her wine. “I could do with getting laid.”

Kalinda laughed. Alicia smiled mischievously and held up her wine glass to toast. 

“To being into women?” Kalinda suggested.

“I don’t know if I am into women, Kalinda. To being open to new things?”

Kalinda nodded and clinked her glass against Alicia’s.


	3. Mouth Open

"What _is_ a date with Kalinda Sharma like?"

"Depends who it's with. A date with _Alicia Florrick_ , well, that's something else."

Kalinda moved her face towards Alicia's and kissed her, timidly, something she rarely did, a quick peck on the lips. Alicia was reluctant to kiss back until she knew where this was heading.

"Is _this_ a date?"

“It can be a date. Or just a hook-up, whatever you prefer.”

“I don’t know. _Just_ hooking up doesn’t feel like a good idea."

“Was it _just_ hooking up with Will Gardner?”

“No. Yes. It got complicated once feelings were involved.”

“So let’s not involve feelings, if you don’t want to.” Kalinda stood up and swigged her wine.

"No, I want to. I do like you, and, well.” She blushed. “I’m just so caught up in all the scandal and 'Crisis Management' around me I don’t get to even realise myself what I do actually feel sometimes. But I want to...try. _Can_ this be a date?”

When Kalinda didn't reply Alicia tried to stand up.

Kalinda pushed her back down onto her chair. “I can’t believe you never told me you were bi-curious.” Kalinda stood up, grabbing a bottle of tequila from her cabinet and sitting back down on Alicia’s lap. She filled two shot glasses. 

"I’m not _bi-curious_ , Kalinda. I just don’t know if what I did once or twice as a teenager really counts as me being full-blown _bi_.” 

"You're bi-curious alright," Kalinda laughed and leant forwards to move the salt from the centre of the table, laughing as she spotted Alicia peering at her breasts as she leant forwards. “What _did_ you do?”

“Make out with a girl. I guess we were kinda dating for a while?”

Kalinda smiled. “Did you fuck her?”

Alicia shook her head. “I was seventeen!”

“Not everyone waited to lose their virginity at college, Alicia,” Kalinda stared, jokingly. “Let’s forget the past. Right now, you’re on a date with a woman, in her apartment, staring at her tits whenever you think she’s not looking. _I_ think you’re into women, whether or not you’re admitting that to yourself.”

As Kalinda licked her hand to adhere the salt, Alicia touching her thigh. She hadn’t meant to, but realizing that having tried to get close to this girl who’d done her damnedest to block her out until now, it was worth the try. Paranoid in her thoughts about crossing a line, since Kalinda hadn’t immediately reacted to her touch, Alicia pulled her hand away, only for Kalinda to take it and begin grazing it up her thigh again.

Kalinda licked her hand and shot the tequila. “Keep going,” she whispered, liquor caught in her throat. Alicia's hand reached the top of the slit in her dress, but she stopped at the hem of her underwear. 

“Don’t I get a shot?”

With wistful eyes that never detracted from the older woman, Kalinda licked Alicia’s hand and poured salt onto it. Alicia was hesitant to lick where Kalinda had licked her own, until Kalinda forced it to her lips, before putting the shot in her hand and almost forcing that down her too.

Alicia tried to compose herself. “When did shooting tequila together become our thing?” she asked, face sour.

“That night you beat out Cary to the associate position, at the bar.”

“You pretended it was a tradition, and inadvertently made it into one.”

“You’ll agree it’s a clever tactic,” Kalinda smiled, turning sideways to face her date. “That was the night you asked me if I was gay.”

“It was.”

“You remember that time we kissed?”

“No?”

“You must do! We went to _town_.”

“Are you sure that was me Kalinda?”

“Certain, I couldn't forget. We’d been doing our _regular_ tequila shots, shared a cab home...you were lamenting what _Jackie_ would say when you came home drunk with smudged makeup, so I said _your makeup doesn’t look smudged to me._ ”

The taste of Tequila on her tongue provoked a hazy memory. Alicia gasped. “And then you smudged my makeup.” 

Kalinda leant back and smiled, smugly.

Alicia recounted what she did remember in her head; Kalinda playfully smearing her eyeliner, Alicia trying to do it back but Kalinda moving quickly to her defence and going for Alicia’s lipstick instead. First with her finger, then with her lips. 

“We kissed,” she whispered, her mouth falling open.

Kalinda raised her hands in resignation.

“Oh my God. Kalinda, why didn’t you tell me we kissed? I’ve been having these feelings for you and had no idea where they came from.”

“I thought you’d chosen to ignore your feelings, forget the kiss. I've been hinting at you that I genuinely like you since the day you and Will called things off. Thank God he was chasing you again, he chased you right into me”

“So when we kissed...that was before Will?”

Kalinda nodded.

“Shit, I’m so sorry Kalinda.”

“It’s ok, Alicia.” 

Alicia took her hand. “I suppose I should make it up to you?”

Kalinda leant in and kissed her colleague, a quick peck again on her lower lip, but this time, Alicia kissed back.


	4. Legs Open

They would soon spend hours exploring each other, not yet delving beneath their clothes. They kissed; fast, slow, lips, faces, earlobes. Their arms wrapped around each other, Kalinda sucked Alicia’s neck, only pulling away from hickey territory once Alicia had insisted with her lawyer-like demeanor. She nuzzled into Alicia’s breasts with a slight squeeze.

“Wow,” Alicia laughed.

“What?”

“You can tell you’re not a Mom,” Alicia laughed. 

Kalinda enjoyed making her laugh.

“You have no idea how little attention my breasts have gotten over the years, having had kids, it's like they don't even exist anymore,” Alicia shook her head.

Kalinda enjoyed making her laugh. “Peter not a boob guy.” Kalinda had meant it as a question, but it had sounded slightly like a statement.

“I couldn't tell you anything he was into anymore. Except blonde hookers."

"I'm sorry, Leesh." It was the first admission of guilt Kalinda had made, yet it completely passed Alicia by.

"You don't have anything to apologise for. You make me feel young.”

“Because I still find your boobs sexy?”

Alicia laughed. “Shit, Kalinda...you got lipstick on my…” she pointed to her blouse.

“Oh shit!” Kalinda tried not to but laughed. “Let’s get you out of that,” Kalinda smiled, helping Alicia pull the top over her head, revealing what Grace affectionately referred to as Alicia’s ‘Mom bra.’

“I didn’t exactly wear my sexiest choice of underwear,” Alicia said, apologetically.

“You don’t have to apologise. A lot of queer women don’t exactly want to exaggerate their feminine figure, I've seen every type of underwear. Like any woman, you’re sexy enough just being yourself.”

"So you don't have a...type?"

Kalinda took the blouse ran some water into a bowl in the sink, softly dabbing some detergent or other on the stain.

“No. I should apologise. I got cheap drugstore lipstick on your top that probably costs more than my month’s rent. And I would offer you something to wear but…”

“You can say I’m a bigger dress size than you Kalinda, I won’t be offended.”

“Come on Leesh, there's barely any weight on you.” Kalinda’s hand touched Alicia’s side. “I was going to say you won’t be needing clothes much longer?” she raised her eyebrows.

Alicia gasped, not realizing how loud her arousal would emerge from her mouth.

“I take that as approval,” Kalinda smiled. “Show me your cards.”

“What?”

“Talk me into bed.”

Alicia laughed.

“What? You can’t even talk the talk?”

"You didn't answer my question. You don't have a type?"

"No, well, not for a hook-up."

"And for a relationship?"

"You've probably noticed I don't really do relationships."

"So what if this is just another hook-up? What if I wake up tomorrow to you turfing me out onto the street."

"Leesh, I will not do that to you. I promise."

"Ok." Alicia excused herself to go use the bathroom. She steadied her hands on the sink, thinking back to the last time she’d been on a date, wondering where it would end up. Surely with Kalinda it couldn't end up the same as it did with Will? With Will it was complicated, but this was something else. She snapped herself out of the thought, merely hours ago she had no conscious understanding of her feelings towards her colleague, now there she is thinking about Kalinda like this. She heard Kalinda doing something, moving something around in the room outside the door. Alicia looked herself in the mirror, trying to remember that kiss.

Kalinda knocked and entered the bathroom on Alicia’s reply. “Are you doing your makeup or something? You’ve been in here a while.” She stopped talking as she noticed Alicia staring at herself in the mirror. “I know, I’m one to talk,” she squeezed in next to Alicia to wipe any residue from under her kohl-lined eyes. They were almost as bold as they had been when she’d walked into the office at 8.15.

“I didn’t think I needed to bother with make-up. Unless you have a camera setup I should know about?”

Kalinda winked, only half smiling at Alicia’s joke. She took Alicia by the hand into the bedroom, cutting through the living room which has been filled with boxes of things Kalinda hadn't yet got around to unpacking. The bedroom was full of colour in the way the rest of the apartment was devoid of it. There were paintings and prints on the walls, orange and pink and emerald green cushions and comforters arranged over the bed like a boutique hotel. At Kalinda’s invitation, Alicia sat on the bed, taking the wine glass her lover was offering.

“What do you find attractive about me?” Kalinda asked, as she sat attentively opposite her.

“I don’t know, Kalinda.”

“My boyish charm?”

“I wouldn’t say that Kalinda...you’re far more feminine right now than I’ve ever seen you.”

“I’ll take the compliment.”

“You'd think that the PI thing doesn’t usually go hand in hand with the good cook, looks good in a dress thing. But you do, for the record.”

“I know I can cook.”

“Stop fishing. I’m trying to say that you look stunning in that dress Kalinda.” Alicia smiled.

“You always look stunning, Leesh.”

Alicia felt like she was twenty-three again, the way Kalinda called her that. Flushed with embarrassment, Alicia had never been good at taking compliments. She fidgeted her legs and her ankle shuffled into something sharp that scratched the top of her foot. She reached to see what it was to find a basket filled with a plethora of multicoloured toys. Sex toys. “Kalinda, I’m not even going to pretend I know what half of this stuff at the side of the bed is.”

“That’s ok.” Kalinda casually slid the basket back underneath the bed with her foot. Alicia could only imagine what the rest of the drawers and doors in this room were hiding, about that basket of toys; she barely begin to imagine their use. Particularly with what Alicia thought must be anal beads.

“And you like that? The beads and stuff.”

Kalinda chose not to reply. They sat silently and sipped their wine until Alicia broke the silence.

“Kalinda...I’m not saying no, I just…”

“What do you mean? Saying no to what?”

“Is kink a...must-do, for you?”

“Oh Leesh, every woman who fucks women will have some kind of toy collection, that’s hardly kink.”

“Yeah but you know I’ve not done this...sex with a woman thing before.”

“You never did anything like that with Peter?”

“You know the threesome didn’t happen.”

“No I mean, you didn’t _play_. Tie each other up, use toys, any of that stuff?”

“It wasn’t something we did. We watched some of that stuff in porn but never tried any of it out." She looked away. “You can call me vanilla, Kalinda.”

“You won’t be vanilla forever,” Kalinda raised her eyebrows mischievously.

“So what should I be prepared for?”

“I was hoping for your first time I could just do it myself.” Kalinda rubbed her nose against Alicia’s.

“Do you mean with your...hands?”

Kalinda nodded. “Is that what you want? I want it to be how you imagined It would be.”

Alicia shivered and shrugged. Her fantasies hadn't contained anything too specific about other women, or anything at all. She breathed deeply, trying to imagine what their first time together would be like.

“Close your eyes,” Kalinda whispered, taking Alicia’s wine glass from her and steadying it on the nightstand. “You're in a comfortable place, your bed maybe. You’re about to get down, maybe with a vibrator or something, what is it you’re thinking about, where do you touch?”

Alicia opened her eyes.

Kalinda looked at her impatiently. “What is it?”

“That’s not something I do.”

“You don’t...masturbate?”

“Not often.”

“Can you remember the last time?”

Alicia closed her eyes again and nodded, embarrassed. “I was...thinking of you.”

“You masturbated to me?”

“It’s not like I’ve been doing it the whole time we’ve been friends. But one night at the bar, I was horny and thinking about asking to come home with you, but I couldn’t.”

“Why?”

“It was before...I was desperately clinging onto the possibility of Will and I happening. It seems silly now.”

“You’re allowed to be attracted to multiple people, Alicia.”

“I was mainly embarrassed to admit it to myself, that I wanted this. Or that I wanted Will even, after all those years convincing myself that Peter satisfied me.”

Alicia's face flushed. She looked down, trying to avoid Kalinda's eyes. Kalinda took her hand and propped up Alicia's chin.

“Ok, so we were in the bar, you were thinking about me, and then about you and Will, then what?”

“And then I couldn’t bring myself to act on, whatever I thought I might feel about you. Then I realised there was no chance I was going to be seeing Will anytime soon. So then I got myself off in that awful bathroom.”

Kalinda laughed. “Show me what you did.”

“I don’t know if I can.”

"Come on, you let Will down there with barely any hesitation I bet."

"Yeah and Will has no standards."

"That is incredibly sad, but also true."

Kalinda took Alicia by the hands and pulled her down to kiss her lips, holding her at the end of the bed, her legs dangling.

“Are you comfortable?”

Surprisingly, Alicia was. She nodded.

“For now, I’m not going to touch you without telling you first ok?” Kalinda smiled and licked her top teeth. “Do you want to establish anything before we...get going?”

“What do you mean?”

“Boundaries?”

“Oh,” Alicia laughed awkwardly. “I don’t think so. Just nothing in my...” she winced.

“No anal, got it.” Kalinda laughed.“ Have you been...tested, recently?”

Alicia shook her head. “Not since I got my last IUD fitted. But I’ve had it out since. And then there’s been...Will. But he is my only partner since…Peter”

“It’s ok. Just maybe we should get you tested this weekend before...just in case.”

“Before what?”

“Before any...future intimate contact.”

“You think Will gave me something?”

“No, but we should be sure.”

Alicia nodded, knowing this made sense. “But what about...your other partners?”

“I get tested regularly Leesh. I’m clean.”

“So I can...go down on you?”

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Do you not want to try this...slowly first?”

Alicia nodded.

“Lie back, Alicia.”

Alicia nodded and obliged. Kalinda pulled her lover closer to her.

“I’m going to touch you now,” she whispered, and slipped her fingers under her skirt. In seconds she was stroking her fingers over Alicia’s labia. They almost instantly began to gush with fluid. “Well someone is turned on,” Kalinda whispered.

Alicia lay back as Kalinda caressed her thighs, kissing their insides, running fingers over her core and making her jump every time she did.

“Fuck me Kalinda,” Alicia exhaled between gritted teeth.

“You sure?”

Alicia nodded.

“With relish,” Kalinda smiled seductively. Kalinda pushed her lover’s knees apart and cautiously dipped two fingers into Alicia, spreading her natural lubricant from her labia to her clitoris. “You ready?”

Alicia nodded, biting her lip, gripping her hands on the headboard to steady herself as Kalinda fed two fingers into her, first slowly, then with increasing speed. With her free hand she stroked Alicia’s hair, neck, left breast. Her nipples were hard and cold, protruding through her bra, as Kalinda gave one an affectionate nip. Her lover groaned as her lower body began to melt away below her.   
  


* * *

  
To say that was the most intense orgasm Alicia had ever had would be an understatement. At the moment the first wave of euphoria hit her core, Kalinda had to soothe her to stop her from being too loud, while reaching to feel the convulsions from inside her lover. Kalinda retreated from Alicia and spread her wetness across her thighs.

As Alicia writhed in pleasure, she brought up her legs and folded them beneath her abdomen, rolling onto her back, eyes glistening, heart pounding, legs flailing. Kalinda knelt over her, composed as if nothing they had spent the last hour doing had even happened. “How was that?”

Alicia felt embarrassed, attempting a smile and a nod, it instantly evident that she was feeling exposed and vulnerable while Kalinda maintained her cool, the only evidence of anything they’d done Alicia’s exposed vulva beneath her skirt, Kalinda’s rolled up sleeve and Alicia’s liquid sex now crystallized up her right forearm. Kalinda attempted to lean in and kiss Alicia, although she held her hand up to stop her, still breathing heavily.

“Are you ok?” Kalinda asked Alicia, whose chest was still rising and falling aggressively as she struggled to catch her breath.

Alicia nodded, swallowing hard. “Is this where you ask me to leave?” She’d meant it as a joke but it evidently hadn’t come across as one. Alicia tried to laugh. “Fuck and go, isn’t that how it goes?” 

Kalinda shook her head, concern in her eyes. “Now why would I want that?” she stroked Alicia’s hair out of her face. “If I’m fucking someone I don’t care about, yeah, _sure_. But Alicia, that’s not what this is, I hope?”

Alicia blushed as Kalinda kissed her.

“Are you staying over?” Kalinda looked at her watch. It was past midnight.

“I wasn’t aware there was anywhere designated for sleep in this place.” The bed where they’d made love, now messy and unmade, was significantly smaller than the kingsize Alicia had at home. Maybe they would fit comfortably side by side, but it would mean they’d have to be close and intimate.

Kalinda laughed. “I want you to stay. Will you stay?”

Alicia shyly tilted her head. “The kids are at Peter’s,” she considered.

“Is that a yes?”

Alicia laughed and nodded.

“I don’t want to hear the words ‘kids’ or ‘Peter’ again tonight, got it!?”


	5. Opening Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As we’re following a time line in which Kalicia were still friends as Alicia hasn’t yet found out about Kalinda and Peter, in this chapter it is also alluded to Alicia knowing about Nick. I like to think the fact they are both still married to men is bit of a leveler for the two of them. Apologies if you read the chapter before I added this note and were confused by it.

For someone who didn’t like the fluffy stuff, Kalinda was truly showing her softer, more affectionate side now they were both half-naked, under the covers, exhausted from their bedroom activities. Alicia hid under the comforter despite having already exposed her vulnerability plenty, now that they had made love a couple more times. As they cuddled, Kalinda whistled something that sounded like a Disney song that Grace would sing as a child. Alicia stroked Kalinda’s hair that until now had been pristine and untouchable.

“Cigarette?” Kalinda asked, sitting up.

“You know I smoke?”

“You're not that good at hiding everything."

"I didn't know you did?"

"Not too regularly, but occasionally I do. Like after sex, there's something about the post-coital cigarette I could never shake." Kalinda looked into the pack and found only one cigarette remaining. "I suppose I could share it with you?” Kalinda lit up, taking a long drag and passing her the lit cigarette with a small ashtray she had also kept on her bedside table.

“You still don’t talk much, do you?” Alicia whispered, tentatively taking a drag. The herbal fumes hit her sinus and she exhaled deeply.

“I’m not much of a talker, you know that. Sorry I forgot to say it was menthol, is that ok?” she nodded towards the cigarette that Alicia held awkwardly. “Might have some weed somewhere if you prefer?”

“No, no thankyou. I didn’t realise you were into...drugs?”

“Only weed. Right now, I mean, have done other stuff the past, but not for a while.”

“Like intravenous stuff?” Alicia ran her fingers down Kalinda’s dainty veins, noticing the faintest track mark under her skin. “You did heroin?”

She shrugged “Not really. I like coke most.”

Alicia gave her a stern _I don’t believe you_ look, the one she'd perfected parenting two teenagers. “No...well, yes, very rarely. I did when I used to help a partner of mine shoot up. A long time ago.”

“Was that...Nick?” Kalinda nodded, taking another long drag of the cigarette, getting into whatever her nineteen year old self had found appealing about smoking menthols.

“Is this an intervention?” Kalinda laughed.“You are still married too, Mrs. Florrick.”

“I’m sorry I’m not judging you, although it’s hardly like Peter and I were...smoking meth together. I just haven’t ever seen...that side of you. At work you’re...eccentric but you’re prim and proper enough for Diane to trust you, and you know how judgy she can be. Do you still use?”

“I don’t do IV drugs, no, I already said. I just smoke an odd joint every now and then. And I never used to share needles or have sex with drug users other than Nick. I still get tested regularly, and if I find out anyone I’m seeing is a user it’s a deal breaker.”

“So you’re sure you’re...clean?”

“Alicia, I've not done anything to put you at risk tonight. You of all people should understand that I have a reputation to maintain. I’m not going to go around recklessly getting STDs. Especially when I’ve been banging a federal agent.”

“This is uncharted territory for me. Sorry.”

Kalinda turned over. Alicia rested the cigarette on the ashtray and tried to cuddle her, be the big spoon, but Kalinda grunted and shuffled away. “What’s wrong? Kalinda?”

“We’re not all saints Alicia. But I need you to trust me.”

“How can I trust a closed book? I know nothing about you.”

Kalinda sat back up with disdain, pulling a reluctant Alicia up by her arm. “Ok. Ask me anything, Leesh. Anything,” Kalinda took the cigarette and inhaled another drag.

“Where were you born?”

“London, you knew that.”

“How old are you, like _actually_?”

Kalinda put the cigarette back down. “ _Kalinda Sharma_ is twenty seven.”

Alicia hit her playfully. Not wanting to pry into her past life, Alicia switched the conversation back to sex, which somehow was a more acceptable topic of conversation.

“How many people have you ever slept with?”

“I don’t know an exact figure, more than thirty...less than fifty? How many people have you ever slept with?”

“Does...do we count?”

“Yeah.”

“Ok...um, five!?”

“Not bad.” Kalinda laughed.

“I’m glad you approve.” Alicia wasn’t sure if she should feel inferior or not. “Who was your first kiss?”

“A girl friend of mine from Catholic school.”

“You’re telling me _you_ went to Catholic school!?”

“Yeah, I told you before. Where do you think I learned this stuff.”

“You really are a bad girl, aren't you?”

“Through and through,” Kalinda ran her nail up Alicia’s spine. They kissed. “Are you done with your questions?”

Alicia shook her head. “Where are your family, Kalinda?”

“My parents are both dead.”

Alicia felt she’d struck a nerve but didn’t want to lose her opportunity to get the truth out of her. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s ok, we weren’t close. I didn’t really know anything about them. They didn’t tell me much, kept distance from their kids under the guise of respect for your elders. I was away at boarding school when they died then ended up in Canada afterwards with Nick. Never been back.”

“Do you miss London?”

“I don’t feel like the London I knew was really, you know, _London_. It would be nice to explore it properly sometime.” Kalinda gave Alicia an affectionate nip on the arm.

“Do you have anyone to visit there?”

Kalinda shrugged. “I assume my brothers are all still in England. The rest of the extended family are in India or Pakistan. What about you?”

“I just have my Mom and Owen. My dad died too. He was sixty.”

“I’m sorry.”

“We were really close. As a result I never got too close to my Mom.”

“ _You_ are a great Mom though. I wish I’d had what your kids have with you.”

“What does that even mean though? They don’t have parents who love each other. They don’t have undivided attention. What do they have?”

“They have you, Alicia.” Kalinda leant forward to kiss her.

“I feel this conversation got far too serious far too quickly.”

“I can lighten it up. How old are _you_ , Alicia?”

Alicia glared. “A woman never tells.”

“Come on, I could just search for you on chum hum if you won’t tell me!”

“Fine, I’m forty-six.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“I have two teenage kids!”

“And somehow you still look like that? Honey!” Kalinda took the near-finished cigarette from her and took one last drag, putting it out and sexily blowing the smoke into Alicia’s face.

“That stuff will make you impotent,” Alicia joked, throwing the discarded dildo and harness from her side of the bed to Kalinda’s.

“Was I bigger than Will?” Kalinda asked, taking the dildo out of its restraints.

“Don’t joke, I’m sure he wouldn’t take it well.”

“I wish you could tell him I made you come first time,” Kalinda joked. “Might get me a raise.”

Alicia hit her with a pillow.

“Despite everything, though, you are really good at that Saint Alicia thing.”

“What do you mean, despite everything?”

“Despite the smoking and the sex with _women_. Your affair with Will didn’t mess everything up?”

“It did mess things up. but only because we shouldn't have been doing it, not because anyone found out."

"What do you mean you shouldn't have been doing it?"

"Because of him being my boss.”

“So that won’t be a problem here?” Kalinda kissed her cheek.

“I hope not, you're not my boss.” As they looked at each other, a tear appeared in the corner of Alicia’s eye. “I’m sorry.” Alicia sniffed.

“What’s wrong Alicia?”

She wiped her face with the back of her hand. “I can’t go through that again. What happened with Will.”

“That won’t happen Alicia.”

Alicia froze. “I’m sorry,” she covered her eyes with her hands. “I just...I don’t know where this is going, and I don’t want to be that girl who has _the talk_ on the first night but ...there’s so much at stake. Our marriages and all. How do I know...how you really feel if you don’t say it.”

“If I don’t say what?”

“If you can’t say you want to be...together. _Exclusive_. How do I know I’m not just another notch on your bedpost?”

Kalinda closed her eyes in regret. “Alicia, no.” She turned to her and took both her hands.

“How do I know that!?” she pulled her hands away, only half laughing. “When I asked if this was _a date_ you said it can just be a one night stand if I wanted.”

“I’ve been wanting you for _months_ , Alicia. I wasn't going to just take advantage. I just didn’t know how you felt. I didn’t want to put too much pressure on you. How _do_ you feel?”

“I feel like I really enjoyed what we did tonight. And I want more of you.”

“Then you have nothing to worry about."

"How do I know that Kalinda? How do I know you don’t say that with every guy or girl you get into bed!?”

“For one, you’re the first person I’ve ever had with me _here_ , Alicia.” Her eyes filled with a dark seriousness that Alicia couldn’t ignore.

“You don’t bring your FBI girl here?”

Kalinda shook her head. “I go out, I get laid elsewhere and I come home alone. I definitely don’t cuddle, I barely kiss unless it’s a means to an end, even the post-coital cigarette is usually a solo activity. Yet tonight I kissed you Alicia, I kiss you with affection, I cuddle you with hope.”

“With hope?”

“With hope that I might have found something.”

“What do you mean?”

“Someone I want to...share my life with.” She shuddered, shivering from either the cold or her own vulnerability. “I do want that, with someone. And if it works out, and you want it too, I want that with _you_. Before now I’ve not been able to do that.”

“Why not?”

“I’ve got a history, Alicia. Baggage. But I think you’d understand that more than most people.”

“We all have baggage Kalinda. How much baggage can someone your age have?”

Kalinda didn’t say anything but her stern look portrayed the sentiment.

“You’re not as young as you say you are, are you?”

Kalinda shook her head.

“I understand there are things you can’t tell me. But... are you dangerous?”

Kalinda laughed.

“I mean it Kalinda. Am I at risk? Are my kids at risk?”

“I protect the people that matter to me.”

Alicia hung onto every last word that Kalinda spoke.

“And I will show you how much you mean to me in almost every way I can.”

Alicia put Kalinda’s glass down, touching her hand.

“You just need to trust me?”

Alicia hated the silence resounding between them. Kalinda looked at her watch, it was 3am. Alicia, for one, was clearly struggling to unwind.

“We’re not going to sleep are we?” Alicia muttered.

“How can I sleep when there’s this beautiful woman half naked in bed next to me.”

Alicia sat up. “I could say the same thing.”


	6. Growing Closer

Kalinda and Alicia dozed off in each other's arms at some time around 3am. Alicia must have got three hours sleep, tops, before her alarm sounded. Having clambered around in the dark to get dressed, Kalinda switched the light on just as she was ready to leave.

"Are you heading out?" Kalinda asked. "You can shower here if you like?"

"It's ok, I have a change of clothes at work. I'll shower there."

"Ok, at least borrow my flip flops and take some of my shampoo, that shower is disgusting and your hair will be destroyed by that cheap soap."

"Your feet are tiny, how are they gonna fit?" she laughed as Kalinda passed her a pair of lime green flip-flops. "You know, I didn't even know that shower was even there until..." Alicia's voice trailed off, she hoped that Kalinda wouldn't pursue where it was going.

"Until you and Will had sex in there?"

"How did you know?!"

"Alicia, I’ve wanted you since that first day you came into our meeting, that tight pantsuit, that flustered look in your face. I notice your every move. And I'm guessing you've never cycled to work. Not in those heels."

They both laughed.

"But did other people notice?"

"Nah, they don't know the tricks like I do." 

"What tricks?" Alicia sat back on the bed next to Kalinda.

"Sneaking around, having...affairs."

“Is that why you want me? You like...sneaking around?"

"Of course not, Leesh."

"Then what exactly made you want me?” she asked, stroking hair out of Kalinda's face.

“Where do I start? Your beauty. Your demeanour. Even your inexperience with women is a turn on…"

"That's ridiculous." 

Kalinda turned Alicia's head to face hers. "Well it _was_ ridiculous, before last night, to be completely truthful. But now, if I didn’t know better, I would have definitely put money on you having done all of that before, if not being a pro," she rubbed her nose against Alicia’s. “Have you considered a career in adult entertainment?”

“Stop it,” Alicia laughed, tickling Kalinda.

"You stop it," Kalinda giggled, pushing her away. “In all seriousness, thank you for last night, Alicia. You are never going to be able to wipe this smile off my face.”

“You don’t have to thank me. I guess you learn best by doing.”

“Come here,” she said, wrapping her arms around her lover. “You can definitely _come_ again. Pun intended.”

Alicia laughed. “So I passed the test?”

“Flying colours."

"Really? I felt like a teenager.”

“Like a _teenager_?”

“Clumsy, not knowing what I’m doing.”

Kalinda laughed softly, exhaling through her nose. “You gave me the best orgasm I’ve had in an incredibly long time, Alicia.”

“You’re just saying that.”

“I am not.”

“Seriously?”

Kalinda nodded sternly. “Anyway, isn’t feeling young a good thing?” she cuddled up to Alicia.

“I suppose,” she smiled. “But what if this was just a fluke?”

“Stop it! You're allowed to enjoy this, Leesh. Enjoy being good at sex, enjoy discovering new things together.” Kalinda laced her fingers through Alicia's.

“I can’t help but think you’re building me up way too high.”

“You can’t compare this to any other sex you’ve had, it's different with a woman. ”

“Maybe I am more adept at it that I first thought,” she curled into her lover. “You know, you talk a lot more when you’ve been satisfied.”

“All the more reason why you should keep satisfying me more.” Kalinda raised her eyebrows.

“See you at work,” Alicia smiled, climbing over her dainty lover to wrap her legs around her and kiss her.

* * *

She took a cab straight to work, getting into the office before anyone saw her escaping the shower room with wet hair and doing her hair and make-up in the bathroom.

Kalinda was in at 8.15 as she usually was, arriving a mere half hour after Alicia had.

“We could’ve shared a cab,” Kalinda smiled, coming into the bathroom.

“Maybe not until...we’re…” Alicia didn’t know how to finish her sentence.

“I know, Alicia. _Nobody can know about us._ You don’t have to worry about that for a long time yet. So when are the kids next out for the night?”

"Next Thursday?"


	7. Close Second

In no time Alicia found herself spending time with Kalinda the way she once had with Will; every opportune moment without any other prior engagement was spent with her lover in one lover's bed or the other's.

One Thursday evening, instead of being in an insultingly overpriced hotel as she once would have indulged with her boss, Alicia was again at Kalinda's apartment. She and her investigator colleague lay facing each other in the three-quarter bed, merely inches apart, smiling innocently as though they hadn't spent the last hour or so re-acquainting their bodies with each other's. Alicia kept moving her body closer to Kalinda in a playful manner that seemed foreign to her.

“Can I ask you a question?”

Kalinda nodded hesitantly.

"Are you scared to be...naked with me?"

"Why are you asking that?"

“You never take off your underwear. Half the time you don’t even get undressed. You are so...hot, why don't you want to show me all of you?” Alicia slurred, finishing a glass of wine and pulling Kalinda to the edge of the bed with her. Alicia kissed her, on her face, neck, chin. “Ok, so I get if you don’t want to go...completely naked, like, I didn’t straight away. But I did evetually, so I would feel a bit less vulnerable if you…”

“Showed you my titties?” Kalinda finished her sentence for her, laughing.

“Pretty much,” Alicia shrugged. 

She pulled her dress over her head, exposing her brown skin and lacy black underwear, a tattoo of a symbol that Alicia didn’t recognise on her thigh. Alicia's fingers traced the tattoo and crept up Kalinda's thigh, stomach and the outside of her bra.

“Go ahead,” Kalinda whispered.

Alicia’s hands fumbled down her lover’s back, trying to undo Kalinda’s bra, which was far more difficult than it should be for something she did herself every day, as were most things when in reverse. As Kalinda sat up beside her she ran her hands down Alicia’s back, touching her sides, her hands then reaching to massage her buttocks. Alicia couldn’t hold back, audibly enjoying the attention from her belle, feeling a stirring in her pelvis and almost jumping on her smaller lover. Alicia sucked on Kalinda’s bottom lip as she removed her own bra. She couldn’t resist the urge to touch Kalinda’s breasts again, now they were completely bare to her, and did so, merely gently, until Kalinda readjusted her position and thrust them towards her lover. Alicia gently sucked her dark nipples.

“You’re a boob gal huh?” Kalinda whispered. 

“If that’s wrong then I don’t wanna be right.”

Kalinda rubbed her nose against Alicia’s. "I just hope you're not...growing tired of what we do."

"Tired of what exactly?"

"I go down on you. You strap up and penetrate me, sometimes I do that for you too. Then we cuddle."

“And we do other stuff, like foreplay, like now. Is there something wrong with that?" Alicia awaited a response from her partner, which didn't arrive. "Kalinda!? Are we ok?” Alicia looked into Kalinda’s eyes.

Seeing Kalinda behaving, or at least feeling, differently about Alicia provoked a feeling in her that made her feel uncomfortable. The way she asked if Alicia was growing tired...like which women grew tired of oral sex and the accompanying orgasms. 

“We’re fine. Relax,” Kalinda smiled, pushing Alicia back onto her forearms, knees in the air. “You’re the only person I’ll be doing this with until _you_ no longer want to. And even if you did change your mind, I won't regret it."  
  
"I don't regret a thing...what's the issue?"

"No issue, I just didn't know if you wanted to switch things up. Maybe try more adventurous places. I can't keep waiting a week for each time we get to fuck when I see you at work every day."

"You haven't slept with anyone from the office before, have you?" Alicia winced. "The workplace romance isn't quite what it seems, I know. You can tell me if you're getting bored, I'm just worried you need that element of danger, getting caught or _something_ to keep you entertained."

"Leesh, are you seriously asking me that? I'm not getting bored."

“I don't think you get what I mean, is this just...wearing thin? Like how long are you happy with this kind of arrangement? Have you done this with someone else before it got too dull to persevere!?"

"Alicia, I'm not Will. I'm not your boss under pressure from his partner and looking for excuses to get out of a fling before he ends up with a sexual harassment suit. Whether we're working together or not, I _only_ want you, I only want to fuck _you_.” Kalinda exhaled deeply, her patience exhausting.

"You don't miss having other partners?"

"Not so far."

"Is that what makes it better?"

"Well, it's fun, but it doesn't beat the fact that right now, it's _you_. Alicia fucking Florrick. I mean it, Leesh, I only want you.” 

"Fucking is not my middle name."

"Shame, it suits you," Kalinda laughed, running her tongue across her teeth.

"I wasn't sure what you do...when you've been with guys."

"The same that any straight couple do I guess, sometimes flipped in reverse. Though it’s not as good as when two really turned on women get together. A man is merely a close second." She winked mischievously. Kalinda pushed her back and she fought, playfully. “You can ask me what stuff I’ve done, we both know we have a past, no need to pretend we don’t.”

Kalinda merely prayed that the conversation didn’t turn to Peter.

"Kalinda...I'm not exactly _au fait_ with all of the...toys and stuff. Like when I fuck you, does it feel the same as when it's...a guy?"

"Well, with you I don't have to worry about him coming too soon," Kalinda laughed. "Was it not for you, when we did it that first night?"

Alicia nodded. "But I don't know if it was just because it'd been so long."

"Come on, you must've had a dry spell of a few weeks after Will, that was all. Before that, it was a while right?"

"Oh yeah, maybe a year? I fucked Peter once in the whole time between the scandal breaking and him moving out."

"So Will was just a wam-up act for you, and now you've got...me," Kalinda smiled mischieviously. She turned off the bedroom light and began strapping up in the dark, man-handing Alicia to pass her the lubricant. "We can switch things up and try something different tonight?" Kalinda spread Alicia’s legs and pulled her panties down to her ankles, giving her a helping dose of lube before helping her lay back onto her forearms, laying on the bed as if it were a chaise-longue. Alicia’s heavy breathing increased in frequency as Kalinda slowly climbed up on top of her, their hips touching, her breasts draping over Alicia’s.

"What's new about this?"

"We've upgraded a model or two."

Alicia felt herself blush.

"You ready, babe?"

Alicia nodded. Kalinda kissed her hand. "Is this ok?" She lightly thrust towards Alicia’s vagina with the tip of the dildo.

"It's more than ok babe. I just...worry."

"I can't get you pregnant, don't worry about that."

"I _know_. It's just..." Alicia ran her hand over the dildo. "it's bigger than last time."

"You're not a beginner anymore."

"I..." she lost her ability to form complete sentences. "oh just fuck me Kalinda.”

Alicia couldn’t contain herself as Kalinda entered her. “Ohh,” Alicia groaned like Kalinda had never heard no other.

“You ok? Is that good?”

“It is...very good.” Alicia struggled to get the words out.

Kalinda shuffled closer to allow for a deeper penetration of her lover, lifting Alicia's hips to place a pillow beneath her.

“Tell me how you want it.”

“Harder,” she grunted, “deeper.”

Kalinda thrust repeatedly into her lover. Alicia panted and groaned.

“Am I hitting the spot,” Kalinda whispered.

“I think so. Ohh.”

“That’s it babe.” After a few minutes of deep penetration and thrusts that make her moan, Alicia wanted something different. She wanted to _feel_ her lover inside her, closer. “Kalinda,” Alicia grasped for her hands. “Turn me over.”

Kalinda obliged and didn’t once stop thrusting, despite almost losing balance at one point. “Bend over, beautiful,” she said, folding Alicia's legs under her. “Don't worry. I’ve got you," she whispered into Alicia's ear.

In Alicia's younger days this had always been Peter’s favourite position, bending Alicia over kitchen cabinets, her dresser, and once an empty crib merely days before Zach entered the world. Alicia exhaled deeply. Kalinda tugged affectionately at Alicia’s nipples. Alicia moaned, losing composure at the intense waves of pleasure. “Kalinda you’re...amazing,” she whipped her head back, her face glowing in the streetlight shining through the window blinds.

“You are stunning, Alicia, you’re glowing. You deserve every second of this." Kalinda's fingers attempted to tease her own pleasure as she continued to penetrate her lover.

“I think I’m coming,” Alicia muttered, barely audible between heavy breaths.

“What did you say?”

“I’m coming,” Alicia’s legs collapsed beneath her lover. “Don’t stop.”

As Alicia felt the pleasure unfurling in her core, falling onto her front, she felt the embrace of Kalinda on her hips, breasts, buttocks, draping her small body over every part of Alicia that craved attention.

“Never,” Kalinda moaned. She could feel her lover's climax approaching, hear Alicia moaning, getting recognisably closer to the peak of her orgasm. Having heard it a dozen or so times already it was far easier for Kalinda to time herself with Alicia and not the other way around. She also knew exactly where to perform on herself to easily catch-up. She sometimes wished she wasn't so easy, but this wasn't one of those times. "I'm coming too."

“That’s what I needed to hear,” Alicia said. Kalinda continued to encourage her own euphoric release until she felt the pressure built up in her lover’s core subside, like a sixth sense.

Alicia turned over once Kalinda had retreated, from exhausting her own limitations. She smiled at her lover now they fixed their gaze on each other.

Kalinda leant forward and kissed her. "I will never grow tired of this."


	8. Closer to the Edge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> parallel / alternative telling of s3.10-11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is incredibly smutty, promise more fluff is on its way

Zach’s car hadn’t lasted as long as Alicia had hoped it would before he got into an accident - she was just relieved that Zach wasn’t at fault for the collision in the school parking lot - it did mean, though, that she again was relying on favours from others. Kalinda felt, at the very least, she was approaching the inner circle of Alicia’s trust outside of the bedroom as well as inside it, now that she was driving Grace back to Alicia’s apartment for the third time in a fortnight.

Kalinda debated in her head whether or not to tell her new girlfriend/partner/lover that she had been the one who found Grace when she'd gone missing, a matter of days before Kalinda enticed Alicia into her bed. If anything, the panic and worry around the Grace incident had given Alicia accelerated reason to call things off with Will, to which Kalinda owed her gratitude. Kalinda herself did wonder how she, a queer woman a decade or so younger than Alicia, with a chequered past, met Alicia's needs more than Will did. She supposed that Will being Alicia's boss had been the greatest obstacle, and hoped that the sexual gratification from being with someone who can meet her sexual needs to the extent that Kalinda did, was helping.

In her head she argued that in the grand scheme of things it would probably be wise to curry as much favour as possible with Alicia before she eventually told her the one secret that could destroy everything they had built together. For now, Kalinda decided to keep Alicia in the dark, knowing it would one day have to come out, for her and Alicia to be able to come out. Knowing Alicia as well as she did, she knew that previously her preference would’ve been to keep Alicia closeted, keep their affair a secret. But the more Alicia was opening up to her true self and becoming confident in her sexuality when they were alone, the more Kalinda knew that Alicia will one day come out, on her own judgement.

But now, as Kalinda _had_ only been seeing Alicia a couple of weeks, neither of them wanted _today_ to be the day that Peter or her kids found out about them. So Kalinda continued the drive back home from school with Grace as if nothing were any different. She didn’t even speak a word to Grace, to reinforce that she was doing nothing greater than merely a favour for her colleague, what Kalinda herself saw as a small inconvenience of her position in the firm. For her, looking out for the colleagues she cared about, Alicia especially, had been part and parcel of her job since they had been introduced in the office over two years ago. She just didn’t want the partners to take advantage.

It was gone nine once Kalinda was home and settled, by which time she was not expecting Alicia to show up at her place as she had the last two Thursday evenings when Alicia had begun spending the night, as usually the kids were over at their Dad's. As by ten there was still no sign of her, Kalinda instead decided to treat herself and so lit up a joint to enjoy with her hot tea as she unwound.

When Grace had disappeared, albeit very temporarily, a couple of weeks ago, Kalinda had felt sick to her stomach just thinking how worried Alicia must have been. That had been the last time she’d touched any drugs. She was now actively trying to reduce how much she smoked, having heard Alicia’s reaction to it the last time she mentioned it in passing. There was no reason in particular for her anxiety to have been triggered tonight, save the one thing Grace _had_ asked her:

“What are your plans for the holidays, Kalinda?”

Clearly, for Grace, Christmas was a big deal, so Kalinda assumed it was for Alicia, and Peter and Zach too by extension. Early December in Chicago, if anything, felt far _less_ Christmassy for this agnostic hindu than her winters in London had. Heck, it was less Christmassy than Chicago in _March,_ by when the snow really does begin to settle. She hadn't given it a second thought, and only through idly looking at her phone when she dropped Grace home had she worked out there were only two weeks remaining before the day itself. She couldn’t even go in to discuss it with Alicia, under the guide if talking to her about a work issue, as Grace had mentioned that her Dad was over.

Kalinda took another drag of her joint as her phone buzzed. She’d changed Alicia’s personal number in her phone to a mere ‘ _A, x’,_ for her own reassurance, and her heart skipped as the initials flashed on her screen. _I miss you, when can I see you_ the message said. She gave Alicia a quick phone call.

“I miss you too, babe,” Kalinda said as soon as Alicia picked up, not expecting a response in case Mr. State’s attorney was lingering in the background. “I know it's late, but as it’s Thursday I wanted to invite you over. I just assumed you were busy?”

“Sorry, been meeting with Peter to sort out the private school tuition, he and the kids just left. I can be over by eleven?”  
  


* * *

  
Alicia got into bed next to an exhausted Kalinda, herself not quite tired enough to bunk down at that moment. Gone midnight, following a mad day of strictly _professional_ errands and meetings, Kalinda had pretty much passed out right away. Alicia pushed herself out of bed to the bathroom. 

On her return, Kalinda was knelt at the side of the bed, next to where Alicia had first found her toys the night of their first encounter. Alicia stared at Kalinda, knowing that she now wasn’t thinking about sleep anytime soon. Alicia caught Kalinda's eye, trying to decipher what had woken her and piqued her interest.

“What perked you up?” Alicia asked. She leant in to kiss Kalinda, the first kiss they’d had in a week, as they hadn't wasted time with such pleasantries when Alicia had first stepped through the door to her zombie-like lover. “Have you been _smoking_?”

“Yeah. I didn’t think you were gonna make it over.”  
  
“I didn’t know you would be getting high without me.”

“You’d rather I’d waited for you?”

Alicia chose not to respond to that question. “It was so exhausting today,” Alicia commented, walking into the kitchen and filling two empty glasses Kalinda had left out with a bottle of red for the two of them, “playing _happy families_ with Peter, he won’t even let me pay for the tuition myself. _Then_ I come here to find you've been getting high. I wish you didn't need that stuff."

"I'm an adult, not your teenage kids," Kalinda laughed, "have you forgotten I was in jail today."

"Of course I haven’t. I suppose you're not keen on handcuffs tonight then, huh?"

“And getting me out of Jail _wasn’t_ exhausting?”

“Sorry, babe, of course it was. I’m just so used to compartmentalising _work_ and _family_. You’re starting to blur the definitions.”

“As long as if I weren’t an easy bail you’d still have got me out.”

“You know I would,” Alicia smiled.

They kissed again.

"How was your day? Jail aside.”

“The best part was telling Dana Lodge her warnings don’t mean shit.”

Alicia laughed. “So you didn’t want to...sleep with her? Before...we happened.”

“She was only ever flirting as a means to get what she wanted for her case. She wasn't ever going to follow through with her advances. Unlike you, Mrs. Florrick.”

Alicia blushed, as she did everytime Kalinda used her married name. “I never made advances. She’s pretty though? Dana, I mean.”

Kalinda nodded in agreement as she stood up and took a swig of her wine, trying to imagine which compromising position she would most like to get Dana Lodge into, although now, every image in her head _also_ involved Alicia. "Not as pretty as you," Kalinda said, kissing Alicia and making her blush _innocently_ for the last time tonight. "You wanna have sex before bed?" Kalinda said, heading back around the side of the bed to get one of the few toys that Alicia was now very well acquainted with. She never minced her words.

Alicia squirmed. "Don’t you ever just want _me_ to...go down on _you?_ Instead of...” 

“Wow. I mean, sure I do Leesh. I can’t think of anything I’d want more. I'm on my period right now though.”

“Oh. sorry.”

“It’s fine, I’m not embarrassed,” she laughed, “just figured that you wouldn’t be...into it.” They both sat at the edge of the bed and Kalinda stroked Alicia’s perfectly styled hair.

“You should’ve asked me to do it,” Alicia laughed, after a few too many moments’ silence “before tonight I mean.”

“I didn’t want you to feel pressured. As if you weren’t already pressured by everything else.”

“I know I haven’t tried it before, but it's not like I've done _any_ of this stuff before. It can’t be so hard can it? Should I be intimidated?”

“Nah. I should be intimidated,” Kalinda laughed, “I’ve seen you in court.”

Alicia removed her shoes and retreated under the mess of covers. “Sorry, I’m coming over all shy. I just don’t really know how this works, like, do I...should I...do something else for you?”

“You don’t have to. Why? Does it feel...imbalanced?”

“You could say that. I mean you’ve fucked me...more times than I can count. And we've only spent two _full_ nights together.”

Kalinda was making a mental note of how Alicia no longer was embarrassed to mention their prior encounters. “Alicia, it’s really ok. We don’t have to worry about me, you've done plenty for me. I just want _you_ to feel good.”

“You’ve already managed that. And you say that every time.”

"Ok. So what did you do with Peter or Will when you were on your period?"

"Just put a towel down."

Kalinda shrugged.

"Oh, ok." As Alicia hadn't completely got ready for bed yet, Kalinda felt she'd give her a push in the right direction, taking her hand and pulling her out of the bed covers, and began removing her top.

"So we could do that...?" Alicia said, or asked. She wasn’t sure herself.

Kalinda went into her dresser, pulling out the towel she only used when she dyed her hair, supposing that was another of her secrets out once Alicia realised. "I'll go get cleaned up. Are you gonna take the lead when we get back?"

“I don’t know if I can. Like I’m not playing my _Saint card_ , I just... I haven’t even seen you...your...yet.”

“My vulva?” Kalinda laughed. “What, you haven’t been looking!?”

Alicia nodded.

”Give me your hand,” she smiled. She took her hand down to her panties, underneath which she discovered Kalinda had kept a lot more hair than Alicia _ever_ remembers having. She guided her hand across her mound, down to her pearl poised under her hood. 

“What’s that?” Alicia asked, startled. 

“That’s a _clitoris_ Alicia.”

Alicia laughed awkwardly, although she appreciated the joke. “No I mean there’s something...rubbery. Like a diaphragm?” She reached to touch Kalinda’s labia again, but got anxious and settled for her thigh.

“You sure you’re ok? A?”

“Yes, I’m sorry.”

Kalinda smiled. “Don’t apologise. _This…_ ” she ran Alicia’s finger back over the silicone she had inadvertently touched. “Is a menstrual cup. It’s reusable, so I’m not using tampons and throwing them away five times a day." Kalinda got up to use the bathroom. "You’ve never used one?”

“I haven’t really had heavy periods since getting an IUD.”

“Not even since getting it out?”

Alicia shook her head. 

“Lucky you,” Kalinda smiled, appearing back in the bedroom and sitting on the dark towel. Alicia hesitated. Kalinda took Alicia’s fingers and moved them down to her thighs. "Use your hands. And your words.”

Alicia blushed, trying to come across as sexy to her lover. “What are you thinking about that’s making you... wet?” Alicia whispered into Kalinda’s ear, running her fingers gently back down her body, her hood, her clit swelling.

“All the bad things I do to you.”

“Oh yeah, like what?”

“I got you really wet and I fucked you.”

“And you fucked me good yeah?”

“I fucked you like you've never been fucked before."

"You wanna bet!?"

"Yeah, you turn me on so much. I can’t help myself.”

Alicia caressed Kalinda’s body from behind, feeling her lover get increasingly turned on, rubbing her breasts, circling her clitoris with her finger.

Kalinda couldn’t contain herself. “Fuck me Alicia.”   
  
"Can we use...your shower?"

* * *

“Fuck,” Kalinda moaned. Alicia moved her hands to Kalinda’s front, using the fingers on one hand to hold her steady, lips apart, the power shower in the other posed perfectly to tease her clitoris. Alicia rubbed gently to add to the friction of the water.

Kalinda pushed her back against the wall, trying to balance as she felt her orgasm shoot up her spine.

Alicia bit her lip. “More?”

“I think I’m clean now,” Kalinda laughed out of both satisfaction and exhaustion. 

Alicia felt incredibly accomplished as she reached for Kalinda’s hands, pulling her lover into her arms and wrapping herself around her. 

Kalinda looked exhausted, but satiated. “You were amazing,” Kalinda whispered. “Wow.”  
  


* * *

  
As they dried off Kalinda sat on the cabinet and opened the window, lighting up another joint. Alicia refused again, but this time didn't play the parent. She went back to the bedroom to fetch their unfinished wine.

“Can we do that again in the morning?" Kalinda asked.

"Tomorrow’s your lucky day,” Alicia passed her a wine glass back.  
  
“Hold still so I can kiss you,” Kalinda whispered.

“Kalinda,” Alicia smiled, face flushed. “You taste like a teenage boy.”

“How would you know what _that_ tastes like, Mrs. State’s attorney.”

“We should’t really even be drunk, should we? Let alone high.”

"I won't be in the morning. Or I _shouldn’t_ be."

"Cab into work again then?"

"Can we risk sharing one and splitting the cost this time?"

”Don't worry about money. I got you.”

Kalinda stubbed out her joint, Alicia drying her hair, sitting in front of her lover. Kalinda started to brush Alicia's hair before starting to plait it. “I know you said you didn’t _want_ to do it, and tell me if I’m prying, but _have_ you ever done...anal?"

Alicia nearly spat out her wine. "No."

"Do you... _want_ to?”

“What, _now_? Are you still not tired enough to sleep?” Alicia laughed, only half joking.

“No, not now.”

Alicia shook her head, relieved if anything. “It was never something I felt like trying. And since hearing how Colin Sweeney talked about it in court I never thought I’d ever be able to consider it.”

"Shame," Kalinda laughed. 

"You have plenty of time to convince me," Alicia laughed as they climbed into bed, the first time they had both been awake enough to chat before they nodded off. 

"Do you ever think you're missing something by not having a man?" Alicia asked.

"No...I mean I've had men. They're overrated. Now sperm banks exist they're effectively rendered useless. Better question, what _don't_ you miss about having a man?"

"Without naming names...the way he would come to cuddle me whenever I needed both arms free to get ready for bed, or make the bed, or get things ready for the next day...or make me have to get up _again_ to untangle my hair for messing it when I'd just done it before we went to bed. And then on the flip side, whenever I was lying there it a postcoital lump of mess and vulnerability, he’d be straight off to sleep.” 

Kalinda knew exactly who Alicia was talking about.

There are many things Alicia would come to appreciate, sharing her bed with a woman. Many she already did.


	9. Close Encounters of the Girl Kind

Grace and Zach had a whole weekend with Peter the weekend before Christmas, letting Alicia and Kalinda have their first weekend together since they had started seeing each other. Friday night was a write-off, as work’s Christmas Party had kept both of them busy until late. Alicia practiced fluttering her eyelashes at clients and colleagues alike, focusing on the ones she had been needing to keep onside, only making eye contact with Kalinda from afar as she stayed at the bar with Will. Alicia supposed that he and Kalinda were still close; her main worry was that plenty of people were aware that she and Will had once been _on_ but were now _off_ , not that anyone dare say anything, and she felt assured there was no reason for Kalinda to divulge their secret. _Don’t ask, don’t tell._

“You ok getting home?” Cary had asked, following Kalinda around like a lost puppy once the SA’s office party had spilled out into the same bar. Alicia had been politely conversational with Dana and Geneva and Matan, playing the interested wife until one of them confirmed that Peter wasn’t going to show. The kids were at his with his mother, so he must've headed there instead of drinking with his wife (whom he was separated from), Will Gardner (who he suspected as the main motivation for her leaving him) and the rest of his colleagues he would hardly choose to see out of office hours. It suited Alicia just fine. Peachy, even.

“Yes, thanks Cary," Alicia cut across the group of ASAs, looking at her watch. "I’ll drop Kalinda on my way, we’re heading in the same direction.” She sighed as they escaped out of the door and into the cab, so grateful Kalinda had moved where she did, not an area any of their colleagues or associates would dare visit, let alone live, but still only three stops on the El from Alicia’s swish midtown apartment. So despite barely having acknowledged each other at the party, being able to effectively disappear straight into bed together, at Alicia’s place this time, was a luxury Alicia could get used to.

”Cary clearly likes you,” Alicia said to Kalinda as they got ready for bed. 

”Well unless you want a threesome I won’t be inviting him into bed anytime soon.”

Alicia laughed. “You’d have a threesome with _Cary!?_ ”

"Only if you wanted to. I’d rather ask Geneva or Dana, myself.”

”Mmmm,” Alicia pondered, cuddling up to her lover and closing her eyes. “We could do far worse.”

* * *

“Good morning,” Alicia whispered. She had been contemplating waking up her lover beside her since at 9.30 or so, having watched her sleep restfully for the best part of an hour before Kalinda started stirring. "How did you sleep?”

“Beautifully,” Kalinda smiled, yawning, causing her eyes to re-close gently.

“Like you,” Alicia smiled, and kissed her nose, prompting her to snap out of her slumber.

Kalinda climbed into Alicia’s arms, running her hands over her breasts as she did so. She hummed with pleasure at the shape of her lover’s body.

“Wanna do anything before we get up?” Alicia asked.

“Maybe, I could do with some coffee first."

Once Alicia obliged, albeit reluctantly as she didn't want to release her lover from her arms, Kalinda climbed out of bed. Alicia nodded at Kalinda's implied request for permission to help herself in Alicia's kitchen.

“We have less choice here, unless you brought your box of tricks with you.” 

"Are you talking about coffee or sex!?" she laughed “Either way, I have what I need,” Kalinda whispered, climbing back into bed with a mug of instant coffee. Alicia took the mug and took a quick sip, before sitting it on the bedside table on Kalinda's side of the bed. Kalinda leant into Alicia to kiss her, but as Alicia turned so not to spill the coffee she missed her lips. Kalinda took Alicia by the chin and turned her to face her. “Also, I finished my period,” she whispered. 

“I should hope you have, it’s been ten days.”

“Have you been counting!?” Kalinda rolled onto her back, laughing. 

”I’m concerned for your health. You could be anaemic as a result of bleeding so much. Especially as you don’t eat red meat. Why don’t you see your GYN and see what they can do?”

”I don’t have one.”

”You don’t?”

”I just go to Planned Parenthood whenever I need anything.”

”Ok but, doesn’t that give the wrong impression?”

“Wrong impression to who?”

”Anyone who might recognize you there?”

”I don’t think I’ll be bumping into Diane there anytime soon, Leesh.”

”I can get you into my doctor if you want me to.”

”Aren’t they in Highland Park?”

Alicia nodded. “She delivered my kids.”

”I’ll stick to the clinic. Thanks though, _Mom_.” Kalinda kissed Alicia’s cheek and rolled into their default big spoon/little spoon position.

“Are you gonna call me that whenever I show concern?”

”Maybe,” Kalinda said playfully, moving in to whisper into her lover's ear. “You’re sexy when you’re Mom-like,” she teased, using her tongue on Alicia’s earlobe. 

”Please never repeat that again,” Alicia tried not to smile but something about Kalinda, especially Kalinda waking up next to her in her own bed, made it impossible. Her eyes glistened. “Get onto your knees,” Alicia whispered to her.

"Yes Mom." 

“It’s so bizarre doing this not having had a drink,” Alicia said, trying to break the ice as she rummaged around her bedside table for the supplies she had stocked up. “It’s bad enough in general that we rely on what alcohol does so much to cut through the awkwardness of those situations.” 

“We can go smoke to take the edge off if you want Leesh,” Kalinda said, as she turned onto her side to face Alicia, a look of concern on her face.”You are sure you want to do this?”

“I really want to...it’s just a surreal feeling, you know? 

“Surreal how?”

“Nothing to hide behind. Do you want to?”

“Honey, I’ve wanted nothing more since the day we met. I suppose I just don’t want you to ...only want me if you’re drunk and compromised,” she pushed Alicia's early morning curls out of her face with her pinkie.  
  
“You know I want you,” Alicia said. “Event if it is with someone early in the morning and still half-asleep. Can we...get back under the covers?”

“Sure.” She stood up to take off an oversized Georgetown t-shirt she must’ve borrowed to sleep in, Alicia was praying it was hers and not Will’s. Whoever the t-shirt belonged to, it didn’t matter, as once Kalinda removed it she was completely naked underneath. Alicia had seen Kalinda naked before, sure, but never all at once, and never in her own bedroom. It caused a stirring in her core she hadn’t felt since she first stood at Kalinda’s front door almost a month ago.

“Can you...let your hair down?” Alicia asked her. Kalinda obliged, and let her dark hair tumble below her shoulders. As she climbed back into bed next to Alicia, the lawyer kissed her on the forehead, before shuffling even closer to her until their breasts touched.

“You know, I feel so...honored that the first time you had a same-sex experience you wanted it with...me.”

Alicia laughed and pushed her, playfully. "I've hardly been spoilt for choice."

Kalinda pushed her back. "If only you were out, you'd be spoilt for choice," Kalinda laughed. “In all seriousness, I want you to be sure you want to do this. I know we’ve had...sex, in other ways, but this is a lot more intimate than a lot of my lovers are happy to go.”

“I'm sure that's just because you're so much of a giver yourself, I’m sure. Are you going to address that most of your lovers aren’t...well, they’re not always in it for the same reasons, are they?”

Kalinda laughed. “But I promise you this is different.”

“Is this why you enjoy giving so much? Or do you just never actually address the fact that you’re always the one performing.”

”You _have_ performed, but you’re right, not every woman does.”

“Well can I just say we’ve been half-naked in bed together for over six hours and we haven’t gone beyond first base.”

“I’d call it second,” she winked, looking down at their breasts that were gently pressed against each other’s. “But what would I know? We play cricket, not baseball.”

Alicia got up and put on some soft acoustic music on her phone, turning down the volume on Zach’s Bluetooth speakers she had borrowed. “If this is too cliché please do say.”

“No, it’s nice,” Kalinda smiled, “you’re nice.”

Alicia climbed into bed and they kissed some more, clumsily, teeth knocking into each other. 

“We can go slow,” Kalinda interrupted between kisses, “if you’re nervous.”

“No need.” Alicia kissed her harder as sexual energy began to surge through her.

Kalinda must have felt it too and switched gears in response. “Tell me what you want,” she moaned, sucking Alicia’s bottom lip. 

“No” Alicia said, under her breath. “You tell me what you want.”

“I want you to fuck me, Alicia.”

“Yeah? You want that huh?” she teased, biting her lip and dragging Kalinda on top of the covers. Kalinda nodded.

Alicia moved to her knees and kissed Kalinda’s, soon moving down her thighs, advancing downwards, kissing closer and closer to her lover’s centre, before stopping abruptly.

“Try to relax,” Kalinda said, as Alicia leant back standing taller on her knees. Alicia closed her eyes, feeling a burden lift off of her body.

“How will I know I’m doing it right?” Alicia asked.

"Oh you'll know," Kalinda sat up and moved closer to her, whispering. “With a woman it’s like...fine dining compared to take out. They both taste good and hit the spot but one of them...really has a shine to it.”

Alicia laughed, breathing deeply. “Sit on the edge of the bed,” she ordered, coaxing Kalinda toward her. “And lay on your back.” Alicia trailed soft kisses down, across Kalinda’s dark skin. Kalinda sighed softly as Alicia’s mouth drifted lower and lower. She soon kissed the tops of Kalinda’s thighs, gently nudging her legs apart.

Alicia looked up, catching Kalinda’s eyeline just before she lay her head flat, flushed with embarrassment for being caught watching Alicia go to work. Alicia reached her left had to Kalinda’s right and intertwined their fingers. With her right hand she stroked Kalinda’s pubic hair, feeling her wet to the touch of her fingers, then her tongue. 

Her kisses moved in, feather light brushes of the lips to the insides of her lips, drawing closer to the center. Kalinda tried to keep her composure as she lay back and Alicia’s hands moved closer to her core. She cautiously dipped her pinkie into her.

Despite Kalinda never having borne children, Alicia was still shocked to find her a lot tighter.

“Fuck, Alicia.”

As she grasped Kalinda’s knees The investigator bit her lip, gripping her hands on the bed to steady herself. Alicia dove in, her tongue swirling around her and releasing waves of pleasure down Kalinda’s spine. Kalinda moaned quietly, trying to contain the noise to some extent. Alicia pulled away.

“Babe, there’s no one home,” she teased. “Let me hear you.”

Thereon, Kalinda tried to not hold back on verbalizing her pleasure, if anything she enunciated for her lover’s benefit.

“You can ...go in further,” Kalinda moaned. Alicia followed her instructions and used her middle and index fingers to explore her further, her lips softly closing over Kalinda’s lips and clit. Still, just the two fingers felt really tight, and as she stimulated Kalinda on the outside simultaneously it felt even tighter.

“I think I’m close,” Kalinda whispered between heavy breaths, her climax closing in. She scrunched up her eyes as Alicia felt the pleasure roll in.

“Enjoy it babe,” Alicia whispered from between Kalinda’s legs as her fingers slipped in and out of her. Kalinda kept my eyes covered with my arm as the remnants of orgasm seeped through her pelvis. Alicia kept lapping her clit until well after the internal waves of pleasure had stopped.

* * *

“I didn’t expect to come so soon,” Kalinda exhaled, rolling onto her side to make a better line of eye contact with Alicia who had rejoined her in bed.

“Not bad for my first time?” Alicia smiled, so close to winking at Kalinda.

Kalinda laughed.

“Again?” Alicia raised an eyebrow

Kalinda laughed again.

“What, you think I wanna do that to you once and that’s it? I was planning on leaving a trail of orgasms behind me as I explore each and every part of you,” she said, playfully walking her fingers down Kalinda’s leg before grabbing her ankles and pulling herself to her knees.

“You think you can make me cum again that soon?” Kalinda laughed.

After one more intimate kiss to Kalinda’s lips and an extra sensual lick to her clit that made her shudder, Alicia reluctantly climbed back to her lover’s side. She took her time moving back up along Kalinda’s body, softly dragging her nail up her legs to her neck, sending shivers through her. As she moved nearer Kalinda she enjoyed listening to her breath catch, loving the way her chest rose and fell faster as she moved closer, her face wet while she stopped to suck Kalinda’s nipples. They rubbed noses, and before she could coax Kalinda into kisses and cuddles, she slid lower to thoroughly rediscover _Alicia’s_ body. Alicia should've known it was only a matter of time before Kalinda tried to slip back into her default position of _giver_ and not _receiver._

“Babe, you really don’t have to, this was my gift to you. Didn’t you enjoy it?”

“I did,” Kalinda smiled. “But you know I like to give. And I miss you...your taste. You taste wonderful.”

“So do you,” Alicia smiled, taking Kalinda by the wrist and pulling her back into their habitual embrace. They kissed slowly.

“How was I? Was I good?” Alicia asked.

“ _You_ were _beautiful_ ,” she closed her eyes with delight, “as always.”

As they kissed some more Kalinda tasted herself on Alicia’s tongue, trying not to get carried away as Alicia was clearly wanting to spend this time being intimate in a different way. Kalinda, for the first time, was happy to spend the time close to her lover in a more innocent way, as she nodded off into a blissful sleep.

* * *

After another hour or so drifting in and out of dreamless sleep in Alicia's arms, Alicia awoke Kalinda to share the now habitual post-coital cigarette between the two of them, out of her bedroom window. Having moved on from their love making to more general topics of conversation, Kalinda broached the only difficult topic of conversation she knew she _had to_ address this weekend. “Alicia, can I ask you...will we get to see each other at Christmas?”

“I’d prefer not to rush into that. If that’s ok? I'll have the kids here most of the day. But then new year's eve is entirely up to you. Peter always used to make our plans.”

Kalinda expected herself to argue an eloquent reason why it was best to be completely in the open, and tell Alicia’s kids about them, as she could not imagine not seeing her next week. Instead, she put her arm around Alicia.

“You’re right. I was being selfish. There’s more than just my feelings to consider. I don’t think that was fair of me,” she said and kissed Alicia’s forehead. 


	10. Out of time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kalinda and Alicia first start to tell people about their relationship, with mixed reactions.

Mrs. Florrick's dirty weekend with her firm's private investigator was drawing to a close. In some respects, they both owed her bosses for piling so much work on them to do that weekend, as it was the only reason they were out of bed and dressed when Alicia got the text from Grace to say they were heading home. Kalinda quickly packed up her stuff to head out.

“So I’ll see you at work? And then Thursday?"

“I can't do Thursday night, as it's Christmas Eve I have the kids. Maybe next weekend? I won't know until I find out if Peter's having to work at all.”

"Oh, so the next time at mine will be in the New Year?”

"That might be best. Depending on what you're planning for us on New Year's Eve."

Kalinda waved, sadly, and headed for the elevator, in a slight rush in case Peter had been the one to drive the kids home.

“Wait, Kalinda.” Alicia darted after her, taking her by the hand, pulling her back into the apartment. “If the kids are alone, I’m happy to tell them. If you are.”

“Tell your kids? No, Alicia.”

“No, it’s ok."

They shared a quick kiss as they heard the elevator open.

“Mom what’s the matter?” Zach appeared at the door. "Hi, Kalinda," Zach blushed. 

Kalinda stood awkwardly in the doorway and waved. 

"Your Dad drive you home?"

"No, Grandma. She's not coming in though, she's on her way to church."

"Good. Get your sister. We need to talk. Do you want a glass of wine, Kalinda?" Alicia asked.

"Anything stronger?" she joked under her breath, and Alicia poured her a whisky, taking a large sip and the bottle with her back to the lounge as Grace came in dragging her feet. 

"What do you need to talk to us about Mom?" Grace asked. "Did you tell her?" she mouthed to Kalinda who shook her head. 

“I have to tell you something. And I need you to both be mature about it, ok?" Alicia asked, passing the scotch to Kalinda.

They nodded.

"Is it about when I didn't come home?"

Kalinda put her face in her hand.

"It wasn't, no. Why? What is it?"

"Oh, just, I didn't just come home on my own. Kalinda brought me home."

"She did, did she?" Alicia turned to look at Kalinda, half surprised, half confused. "Sorry guys, I'll be one minute." Alicia flicked her head to imply for Kalinda to follow her and they went into the office. "Why didn't you tell me? How did you do that?"

"I tracked her phone. Look, I just didn't want you to think I was stalking your kids, it was a few days before you first came over, I didn't want you _liking me_ to have anything to do with me helping out."

"I do like that you helped out, but I wasn't able to if I didn't know. Why didn't Grace tell me?" 

"I asked her not to."

"Ok, please don't ever do that again."

"I won't. Sorry."

"Ok." Alicia kissed her matter-of-factly before gesturing for Kalinda to follow her back to the lounge. 

"You sure you want to do this?"

Alicia nodded and smiled. "Come on, before I change my mind."

Passing through the kitchen Alicia topped up another Whiskey glass, now taking hers with her as she sat down in front of her two kids, Kalinda hovering awkwardly at the end of the sofa. "What's the one rule we have in this house?"

Kalinda was anxious about wherever this was going. 

"We don't keep secrets from each other," Grace mumbled.

Kalinda's heart was now beating increasingly faster with the guilt of the secret she was keeping burying her.

"Right. Now I've just found out you've been keeping a secret from me, and we've had a talk and Kalinda understands it was wrong not to tell me, but it's ok, because we're being honest now and nobody is hurt. Now I've also been keeping, a secret, and the reason I did so is to protect us. All of us. I just hope you understand that, and will be thoughtful and considerate with what you say. Ok?"

They both nodded. 

“We’ve been...I’ve been...dating. Kalinda. For about a month.” 

“Wow, Mom,” Zach didn’t know what to say, though if anything he seemed quite impressed. 

"Oh," was all Grace could say.

Alicia didn’t say anything.

“I’m happy for you Mom,” Zach smiled, stepping forward to hug her. 

“Thankyou Zach,” she stood up and put her arms around her son. She breathed in his boyish smell from his hair. “I’m sorry I haven’t told you guys sooner, but we didn’t want to tell you until...things were serious.”

Zach stepped towards Kalinda and tried to kiss her cheek, she only allowed him to give her a quick hug.

“And are they serious?” Grace asked, glaring.

“Yes, they are.” Alicia looked to Kalinda nervously, who smiled and nodded, holding Alicia’s hand. “More serious than I thought was possible.”

“So you’re gay now?”

“Oh come on, Grace.”

“What do you mean? Before you liked men, now you like women. So are you gay? Are you bisexual?”

“I don’t know. Sometimes...you just feel something and know it feels right. You don’t have to put a label on it.”

Kalinda squeezed her hand.

“Grace, do we have a problem here?” her mom asked her.

“I just need to pray about it.”

Alicia tried her damnedest not to roll her eyes at her daughter. 

Kalinda stepped back. “I’m sorry, I gotta go. I’ll see you guys later.”

“Ok babe,” Alicia said out of instinct. They locked eyes and hesitated for a moment. 

Kalinda waved awkwardly to them and Zach gave Kalinda another hug, taking her aback. “See you,” he smiled.

Alicia followed Kalinda as she let herself out.

“I’m sorry.”

“Kalinda don’t apologise.”

“I didn’t want to cause this between you and Grace.”

“You haven’t caused anything," Alicia put her hand on Kalinda's cheek. "It will some fucked up pseudo-Christian ideaology she's picked up from her Grandma. Last time I saw Jackie she was reading some passages with Grace about the submission of a wife to her husband.”

Kalinda tried to smile. “See you in the morning?”

“Of course,” Alicia smiled and kissed Kalinda on the cheek. There was a tangible silence as neither of them were ready to say _I love you_ yet.

“I'll text you.” 

Alicia closed the door and headed back to the living room where her kids awaited her.

"Why now?" Grace asked. "Why wait a month, why not longer. Or why not tell us straight away. I don't understand."

Alicia tried to be patient with her daughter. "You know things aren't straightforward. There are more people interested in our family than just the four of us. You two have always been first priority. And you always will be."

"So why do you even want a...girlfriend?"

"It gets lonely, when a relationship breaks up. I was with your dad for...twenty years. Now I'm on my own again."

"You have us."

Alicia put her arm around her daughter...she supposed she wasn't incorrect.

"What about Dad?"

“What do you mean what about Dad!?” Zach asked. “He cheated on Mom. Why would you mention him?”

"Zach, please, not now."

“Aren’t you pretending to be together for his job?” Grace interrupted.

“We are still married, and Eli wants us to pretend to be publicly, but that’s all. You guy know well that your dad and I…we’re not getting back together. We’re not pretending anything.”

“Does he know that?”

“He does.”

“And does he know about Kalinda?”

Alicia shook her head. “I wanted to tell you two first.”

“And what about telling anyone else.”

“Until I'm ready we’re only telling people who need to know. I'll be telling your father and my bosses at work soon, but please don't speak to anyone about this until I say so. Ok?”

Grace nodded reluctantly. 

"Now go do your homework." 

Alicia took the wine with her through to her bedroom in an attempt to read through her court prep for the 24th. How court didn’t adjourn for the entire Christmas period had irked Alicia since Peter first began working as a lawyer.

There was a timid knock at the door.

“I’m sorry about Grace,” Zach muttered, pushing the door open.

“You don’t need to apologize. Come here,” Alicia cuddled Zach. “I love you both, more than anything.”

"Love you too, Mom."  
  


* * *

_I'll be in late x_ read the message Alicia received from Kalinda on her way into the office. She found it endearing how she put a _x_ after everything she sent, such a British trope, reminding Alicia that there were some things about her lover's past that she was starting to share with her.


	11. Open and Shut

It was rare that Kalinda was in the state attorney's office without looking for Cary. This time, he found her first.

“Kalinda, to what do I owe the pleasure.”

“I need to see Peter.”

“Ok, he’s in his office.”

“I need to see Peter...alone. Now.”

"Be my guest." Carey stood back as Kalinda knocked on Peter's office door.

“Hi…” she whispered, letting herself in. “I need to speak to you.”

“Leela," Peter said, startled. "Are you ok?”

“This isn’t about...that. I only go by Kalinda now.”

"Sorry, Kalinda. Then what is it about? Couldn't Cary help you?”

“I’m seeing Alicia.”

“You’re _seeing_ Alicia?”

“We’ve been dating, only a month or so. She just told Zach and Grace yesterday. I didn’t ask her to, but she wanted to, she said she was ready.”

“You're serious?”

“Deadly.”

Peter stood up and walked around his desk. He put his hand in his face. “How did the kids take it?”

“Ok. Zach better than Grace.”

Peter nodded.

“She cannot know about what happened between us Peter. Please.”

“You’re seeing my wife and you’re asking _me_ to keep quiet?”

“Peter, please. You’ve been separated for over a year.”

“So why shouldn’t she know that we slept together?”

“Because that was...before I knew Alicia. That wasn’t me, it was... _Leela_ . It _was_ you, cheating on her.”

“Please Kalinda, if it weren’t for me you wouldn’t even be here.”

“And Alicia and I wouldn’t be happy together, but I doubt the two of you would be either.” She sat with folded arms, reluctantly listening for what Peter would use to bargain with her.

"She needs to know."

“I know it’s a lot Peter. But I am begging you. I wouldn’t have come here if I didn’t have to.”

“I see how this is.” Peter sighed, drumming his fingers on his desk. “I’ll keep to our agreement Kalinda. I’m not going to tell her about your past. But _you_ probably should, if you do want anything serious to come of this.” He near chuckled at the word _serious._ “She coped with me sleeping with other people. What she didn’t cope with was me lying about it.”

“I won’t do that to her.”

“So tell her.”

“I will, when it’s right.” Kalinda walked towards the office door. “You know Peter, she said she’ll still support you publicly, so we won’t...come out as a couple to anyone who doesn't need to know.”

“I appreciate that.”

Kalinda got up to leave.

“You don’t seem surprised that she…” Kalinda couldn’t finish her sentence.

“That she’s sleeping with you? I've known her for over twenty years, Kalinda. Nothing will surprise me about Alicia. You'll be spending Christmas with her and the kids."

"No, she hasn't invited me."

"That wasn't a question, Kalinda. She'll want you there, she's too much of a family woman to let anyone spend it alone."  
  


* * *

  
Alicia’s phone rang. _Peter_ flashed up on the screen.

“It’s your Dad,” she whispered, leaving Grace and Zach to carry on with breakfast.

“Peter?”

“Kalinda just told me, Alicia.”

“Told you what?"

“That you two are dating.”

“She told you that!?”

“Why Alicia, are you denying it?”

“No. It’s true. We are.”

“I want you to be happy. But Alicia, be careful.”

“What do you mean, be careful?”

“You don’t know _anyone_ like her.”

“Is that veiled racism Peter? Or just homophobia?"

“Alicia, come on, I know you've always had a thing for women, that's fine, it doesn't bother me. But you have to make sure the kids don’t get hurt by this.”

“You mean the way they didn't get hurt by your behaviour? They always come first, Peter. I wasn't the one to jeopardise their happiness.”

"Eli will be in touch."

Alicia sighed. “Ok, see you Friday.”

"Bye."  
  


* * *

  
“Kalinda, I need to talk to you. It’s important.”

Kalinda dropped her files on the desk and slipped into Alicia’s office. “Did you like the gift?” She smiled.

“The gift? I haven’t received one yet. Besides, Kalinda, why did you tell Peter without asking me?”

"Oh, I left it in your top drawer. I was at the SA’s office.”

“Because you went there to find him?”

“I wanted him to know I mean no harm.”

“So why did he call me and warn me to be careful?”

“I don’t know? Maybe because of your history with women?”

“What history with women?”

“He said something about him not being surprised because he's known you so long? I didn’t follow…”

Alicia clenched her teeth. “Kalinda, we have to be honest with each other. There is nothing I have kept from you.”

“Ok,” Kalinda smiled with her eyes. “I told Peter we’d stay closeted for the foreseeable. He asked if you'd invited me to spend Christmas with you."

"He asked that?"

"Well no, he assumed you already had invited me. Said you wouldn’t ever want someone to be alone at Christmas, or words to that effect."

Alicia drummed her fingers on her desk. "The kids are going to Peter’s after dinner, so we _will_ have the rest of the night to ourselves.”

"That would be really nice. But only if you’re sure? I can come after dinner, say 8?”

“Kalinda, if you're spending Christmas with us we're doing it properly, as a family. I want to wake up with you on Christmas Day.”

Kalinda wanted to say the three little words to Alicia in that moment. Instead, she turned to see Will watching them from the other side of the office. "I think he wants to talk to you."

"Kalinda...we should probably...tell Will and Diane. So we can keep our work separate.”

"Now?"

"Diane’s in her office.”

“Ok, let me get Will.”

Alicia gulped nervously as she stepped out from her desk. 

“Alicia,” Diane said, as she approached her office. “To what do I owe the pleasure.”

“We need to declare a...conflict of interest.”

“Who is ‘We’?” Diane asked, as Kalinda and Will appeared at the door. Kalinda passed Diane some paperwork. “Will, what is this about?”

“I have no idea Diane.”

“Please Will, sit down,” Diane muttered. She gestured for the two women to do the same.

“We…” Alicia began, not quite able to get the words out.

“We’re dating,” Kalinda said, matter of factly, putting her hands on Alicia’s in Alicia's lap. “And it’s getting quite serious, so, we thought it best to...inform you.”

Though she tried not to, Alicia couldn’t help but smile.

“So you...you’re dating... _each other_?” Will looked astounded. Diane almost as much.

Alicia nodded. “I know you’re probably thinking this isn’t sensible…”

“But it’s happening, so we need to deal with this,” Diane sighed, interrupting at the ideal moment. “Can you two give us a minute?”

Alicia and Kalinda waited outside the office, like school girls in trouble. They could hear the muffled discussion behind the door, Diane saying something along the lines of _can she only sleep with colleagues!?!_ Alicia hadn’t looked at it like that.

They looked at each other trying to gauge each other's feelings when Eli walked past. He was about to speak to Alicia before spotting Kalinda and nodding, knowingly.

“I’m guessing Peter told him,” Kalinda whispered.

“Come back in ladies,” Diane called. “Ok. So going forward, no new cases together. If you need an investigator on a case Alicia please speak to one of us first and we’ll work something out.” She handed Alicia a declaration of interests form. Alicia couldn’t help but hesitate before signing. She’d never done this with Will, because their relationship had been entirely below board. This was serious. After signing, Alicia passed the form to Kalinda, who also signed, and then she passed it back to Diane, who smiled sympathetically. “I’m assuming this is…sensitive information?”

Alicia nodded. “Only the two of you, Peter, and my kids know.”

“And Eli, I think,” Kalinda added. “But it’s definitely not knowledge to be shared.”

“Well that’s something,” Diane muttered. “Understood. Let us know if anything changes.”

“Thanks,” Kalinda smiled at Will and turned to leave the office first. Leaving separately was something they’d already grown used to.

“Alicia,” she felt a hand on her arm as she followed. “Are you happy?” Will asked. His eyes locked with hers. 

“I’ve honestly never been happier.”


	12. Opening the door

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It may be May but I've been enjoying re-watching ER during this lockdown, and the Christmas episode of season 6 (one of my favourite episodes of all time!) reminded me about this fic chapter that I wrote during the Christmas period last year, hence why I'm now linking this into the wider story. It is an integral part of the Kalicia story I have in my head, and my favourite chapter so far! So enjoy!

Kalinda came to Alicia’s apartment for Christmas Eve dinner, bottle in hand.

“Hey,” Zach said as answered the door. “Come in, dinner is almost ready.” Kalinda was amazed he didn't try to kiss her.

“I thought you guys would be with your Dad?” Kalinda asked as she followed Zach through to the kitchen and left her overnight bag by the door to Alicia’s room. 

“He went to Grandma’s,” Zach said. "And Uncle Owen asked to come over so we wanted to see him."

Kalinda was pouring two glasses of wine when Alicia's brother appeared on the stool across from her, with a glass in hand. "I don't think we've oficially met? I'm Owen."

"I don't think we have? Kalinda."

"Hiiiii Kalinda," Owen effectively sang. "So you've been keeping my sister occupied for the last few weeks I hear?"

"Evidently so," she smiled, opening the wine.

"Only a small one for me, I'm driving."

Zach and Grace appeared and stood earnestly watching Kalinda sharing the red wine between three glasses. 

She looked at them sternly. "I think you need to ask your Mom," she said.

“One glass, because it’s Christmas,” Alicia said, emerging from her room. Her red dress was complemented by matching lip colour and glittery eyes. She fluttered her lashes, smiling at Kalinda as she squeezed her shoulder to say hello. Kalinda gazed back at her, the desire to kiss her, more than the customary kiss on the cheek, building up in her core.

“You look amazing,” Kalinda whispered in her ear.

“Thankyou,” Alicia tried not to fixate on her gaze for too long, especially not in front of her brother. "So do you."

“What’s for dinner?”

“We usually do Irish spiced beef on Christmas Eve, that’s what my Móraí always made.”

“Grandma was Irish,” Owen explained. 

Kalinda smiled and nodded.

“But as you don’t eat beef we’re trying a vegetarian equivalent. With...lentils. My Móraí is probably turning in her grave right now. And I'm hardly the best cook...”

"She's not even being modest," Owen laughed. "She's really bad."

“You didn’t have to, I could've made something…” Kalinda began, but Grace interrupted.

“-We should all stop eating beef anyway, it’s the worst meat for the environment and the amazon rainforest is cut down at an alarming rate, just to make room for grazing land.” 

“I don’t disagree,” Alicia took a sip of her wine.

“Are you vegetarian Kalinda?” Zach asked.

She shook her head. “No, but I was raised Hindu, and the cow is a sacred animal in Hinduism.”

“But you drink milk?” Grace asked.

Alicia laughed at the question.

“What?” Kalinda asked, not in on the joke.

“I told them you drink milk more than a three year old. I bought a gallon just in case. It's rare we get through a pint.”

“I’d drink it even more if it were alcoholic.”

“Could you make a…White Russian?” Zach suggested.

“I am not even going to ask how you know what a White Russian is,” Alicia laughed.

"If I weren't driving I could've brought the Kahlua," Owen laughed. "So, Kalinda, tell me..."

"Kids can you set the table?” Alicia asked loudly before Owen could finish his question. Grace nodded and jumped down from the barstool, yelling at Zach to help.

"Why has it taken so long for my sister to overshadow me as the, until now, _only_ queer in the family?"

"You'll have to ask her. She's not usually one to seek attention."

Owen took a sip of wine, raising his eyebrows before standing up to take the casserole from the oven, giving Alicia and Kalinda mere seconds to say hello out of sight.

“Thanks for coming,” Alicia smiled.

“Thanks for having me,” she leant forward to quickly kiss Alicia, who pulled straight back.

Kalinda gave a concerned look.

“I don’t want you to mess up my makeup.”

“Like that time in the cab?” she teased.

Alicia nipped Kalinda’s hand playfully and as she spotted Kalinda’s bag she moved it into her room, closing the door before it invited any questions."Sorry I didn't tell you Owen would be here, it was a last minute thing. He'll be getting going after dinner. He drew the short straw, will be spending Christmas with our Mom this year."

"And I'm looking forward to every second," Owen laughed.   
  


* * *

  
Owen stuck to his promises, only having the one glass of wine before he left after dinner, and Kalinda insisted on washing up while Alicia prepped what she could for the following day. Kalinda put her Christmas playlist on, which had some of the British Christmas classics that the Florricks had never heard, including an Irish drinking song to whose lyrics Kalinda had to give the caveat ‘this is an offensive term to gay people please don’t ever repeat it’. There was also a boy band ballad whose lyrics said nothing about Christmas but did have bells on it so of course it was a _Christmas classic._ A few drinks down the four of them had a dance around the living room to _Feliz Navidad,_ Zach trying to teach his mother the Spanish lyrics and failing miserably, to the hilarity of Kalinda and his sister. While Alicia suspected that Zach and Grace may have had more than the one glass of wine she allowed, she was having such a good time, she stopped caring. 

It must have been too much for Grace, as she wound up in bed by nine, and Zach soon sloped off to call Nisa before bed. Once he slipped away Kalinda and Alicia were able to lose some inhibitions and get closer. They sat in the living room, Kalinda nestled in Alicia’s arms as they finished the rest of what Alicia hoped was only a third bottle of wine.

“I've always thought this, but never really told you. Your kids really are wonderful, Leesh. A credit to you.”

“They have their moments,” she laughed. "Thankyou for the compliment. I did spend thirteen years away from the workplace raising them full-time so it's good to know it wasn't a total waste."

“How have they been after the couple of years they’ve had?”

"They've struggled sure," Alicia nodded. “Zach has always fought my corner. Grace is a bit more sensitive, she doesn’t like rocking the boat. I suspect she wishes Peter and I could just _work it out_ somehow”

"And you can't?"

Alicia exhaled deeply. "I'm hardly going to admit it to you on Christmas eve if I thought we could," she smiled. "No, if anything the last few months with Will, and now _you_ , he's the last person I want."

"Sorry, so who do you want?"

"I want you, Kalinda. Stop fishing."

They shared a long drawn out, sloppy kiss, only interrupted by a cough coming from Grace’s room. 

“Bed time?” Alicia whispered, switching off the music and heading to check on her daughter, who was sleeping with a bucket sensibly propped at the side of her bed. 

“You must think I’m a terrible parent,” Alicia winced, closing the door to Grace's room.

“I’ve definitely known worse parents than the mom who lets her teenagers have a tipple on Christmas eve.”

“Is Zach still on the phone?”

Kalinda tentatively pushed the door to his room which showed him asleep fully clothed with his phone in his hand. Alicia nodded as Kalinda stepped forward, put his phone on charge on his nightstand and covered him with a comforter.

“You’re good at this,” Alicia whispered.

“At...parenting?”

Alicia nodded. She took her lover by the hand to her room and closed the door behind them. “I don’t know why you never gave me your opinion on parenting stuff.”

"I have zero experience in that area. Youngest of five, no real relationship with my own parents."

"You'd still be a great mom. What you did for Grace the other week just shows. You can be protective too, just in a Kalinda way."

“Hmmm. I suppose I'm better at some things than others,” Kalinda winked and pushed Alicia back onto the bed and began undressing her. “Great at keeping _Mom_ satisfied,” she laughed.

“Shhh,” Alicia giggled as she took Kalinda's hands, lacing her fingers between hers.

Kalinda kissed her thighs and removed her panties with her teeth.

“You don’t waste any time do you.”

Alicia lay against the headboard as Kalinda delved down with her tongue. The struggle not to make noise kept Alicia’s hands grappling with the covers on either side of her. She closed her eyes, savouring the attention from her lover.

A slight creaking came from what Alicia assumed was the bed, until she opened her eyes to see Grace standing in the doorway with a look of horror on her face, red wine stain on her lips. 

Alicia barely made eye contact and she almost instantly disappeared.

“Shit,” Alicia exhaled. 

“What’s up?” Kalinda’s face emerged from between Alicia’s thighs.

“We just had a visitor,” Alicia muttered, retrieving her legs and putting her pajamas on. “I’d best go see she’s ok.”

Kalinda dabbed at her mouth on her sleeve and nodded. “Sorry Leesh.”

“Was bound to happen at some point,” Alicia said, only realising as she said it that no, it was completely not inevitable that her daughter would infringe on her privacy like that. She tried to contain her annoyance as she stormed to Grace’s room, flinging open the door to find her sitting on the bed, hugging her knees.

“Grace, I’m sorry you saw that.” Alicia knew she hadn't employed the most apologetic tone of voice but was pissed and wanted Grace to know it.

Grace ignored her and merely buried her eyes.

“Grace, I’m talking to you.”

“You’re not sorry. You were enjoying it.”

“Excuse me?”

“You’re not sorry. You’re a different person now you're with Kalinda and…” Grace held back tears.

“I’m not a different person Grace. I’m your Mom, and I love you. I love you and your brother more than anything else in the world, and you know that.”

“Then why do you do it?”

“Why do I do what? Why was I having sex with my girlfriend? Because I enjoy it. It’s what adults in relationships do.”

Grace flicked her eyes in the direction of her mom’s bedroom door as Kalinda was closing it. “Girlfriend!?” she exclaimed in an alarmed tone.

“Grace,” she took her daughter’s hand. “I know your...values and mine haven’t always aligned. You have to remember that I’m an adult, I can make my own choices and I wouldn’t ever do anything to hurt you.”

“This hurts.”

“Why? Because I’ve moved on from your Dad? Or because I’m with a woman?”

Grace shrugged. “I don’t have anything against...gay people. You know that I love Uncle Owen. I just… I don't get it. You won’t even let Zach and Nisa share a room.”

“Grace, your brother is still in High School. That’s different. But you’re both old enough to understand that adults...they have sex.”

“I know.”

“And most teenagers aren’t emotionally ready to.”

“I know.”

“Everything that’s happened between your dad and I is because _he_ was having sex with other people behind my back. That was wrong. But there isn’t anything wrong with consenting adults having sex with each other if nobody is getting hurt.”

“What about Will?”

“What do you mean?”

“You were having sex with Will.”

Alicia tried hard not to be defeated by anger. “I’m not even going to ask where you got that information.”

“It’s true though, you don’t deny it?”

“It is true. But that _was_ wrong. I put my job at risk. But we’re doing things properly, Kalinda and I. Will and Diane already know about us.” 

"And you kept the secret from us. You always say we don't keep secrets from each other."

"As you get older there might be things we keep from each other, things that don't affect other members of the family. But for now I have to protect you. Legally, it's my job as a parent. So that's why I say we don't keep secrets. Keeping secrets is how we ended up with half of Chicago PD out looking for you a few weeks ago."

"I know."

Alicia sat next to Grace on the bed. 

“Don't you like Kalinda?”

Grace nodded. “I do like her. She’s really nice. I can see why you like her. I just didn’t expect to see...I don't even really know what I saw...”

Alicia interrupted, “I understand it will have been a shock...I can’t imagine seeing my mom…” she shuddered. “And if you ever have questions about...sex, you can ask me. I am sorry you saw what you did.” She took her daughter by the hands. “I just need you to understand that everything Kalinda and I do is founded upon love and respect for each other. That’s what matters.”

“You love her?”

Alicia paused. Through Grace’s bedroom door being slightly ajar she saw Kalinda was standing mere meters away, smiling at her.

“I do. We haven’t...said that to each other yet. It’s quite a...big step.”

Grace cuddled her mom. “I just want us to be happy.”

“We will. I promise.” She hugged her daughter close. “Now I just need one promise from you,” Alicia said, standing up.

Grace looked up.

“Please knock before you come into my room, especially when Kalinda is here.”

“I will, I promise.” 

Alicia squeezed her daughter’s shoulder and noticed the remnants of red wine in the bucket by her foot.. Trying not to smirk, she picked it up. “You still going to need this?”

Grace shook her head. “I don’t think so.”

“Go have something to eat and drink before you go back to bed, it’ll help with the hangover. I can’t have your Grandma thinking I’m a worse parent than she already does.”

Alicia went to the bathroom to empty the bucket into the toilet. Part of her wanted to cry. How would her teenage self have dealt with seeing what her daughter just did? Ok, maybe most kids these days watch porn on their computers, but Alicia was sure that Grace wasn’t one of them. But then as she rinsed the vomit out of the bucket Alicia couldn’t help but laugh. She got her Christian daughter drunk and destroyed her innocence in one night. Merry Christmas indeed.

Grace approached the bathroom door. “You’re not a bad parent. You’re the best, Mom. I’m sorry.” 

Alicia sat down and put Grace on her lap, the way she would when she was little if she had a nightmare. She kissed her daughter on the forehead and cuddled her tightly before taking her by the hand to the kitchen where Kalinda was at the counter eating the cookies and drinking the milk that they left out for Santa every year. Despite it having been a good seven or eight years since Alicia and Peter had stopped trying to keep up the facade, Alicia still enjoyed the tradition.

Grace sat beside Kalinda who slipped the plate of cookies to her, grabbing another glass to pour milk for Grace.

“I’m not destroying Christmas for you by eating these am I?” Kalinda asked, dabbing at her somehow still perfect lipstick despite the milk drinking and other activities.

Grace smiled at Kalinda and shook her head. “I always thought it was Mom who ate them anyway.”

“Guilty,” Alicia said, picking up a chocolate chip cookie and dipping it in Kalinda’s milk before going to check on Zach.

“I am really happy you’re here,” Grace whispered to Kalinda, barely audible, as her mom’s back was turned. Kalinda smiled at Grace and squeezed her arm. “You have helped me out a lot recently.”

“I’m glad to help, and glad that you’ll have me. I’ve never really done Christmas before.”

“You haven’t?”

Kalinda shook her head. “I saw all the lights around London and sang the music and did the nativity plays when I was at school, so I know all about it. I once got into an argument with a nun at school who didn’t let me audition for Mary, she didn’t care for me pointing out that my skin tone was closer to middle eastern than half the Irish girls who always got the part.”

Grace laughed. “Your parents didn’t buy you presents?”

Kalinda shook her head. “We did celebrate Diwali, that was my favourite.”

“The Festival of Lights?”

“Yup. The one time of year we were allowed sweets.”

“You’re kidding!? Once a year!?”

Kalinda smiled. “I had very strict parents. They wouldn’t have supported me the way your Mom supports you.”

“Is that why you don’t see them for the Holidays?”

Kalinda shook her head. “They died before I moved across the pond...long before I ever had a girlfriend, but they wouldn’t have been happy. They would have wanted me to marry a _nice Indian boy._ ” She put on an exaggerated Indian accent.

Grace laughed.

“You are so lucky to have her.” Kalinda looked over to Alicia in Zach’s room, tucking him into bed and stroking his hair. “And your brother too. You have a wonderful family.”

“You’re part of it now too, though.”

Kalinda shook her head. “I'm not. Not anytime soon. I just wish I'd bought you both presents. You can tell I'm still new to this.” 

“That's okay,” Grace said, and gave her a hug. “You love my Mom, don’t you?”

Kalinda smiled, embarrassed. “You could say that.”

“You should tell her tomorrow. That would be better than any present.”

Kalinda smiled. "Goodnight, Grace."

As Grace got up to go to bed, Kalinda thought about the small gift she had wrapped for Alicia, and good as it was, Grace was probably right.  
  


* * *

  
Alicia put out Christmas stockings for the four of them - the one she’d had spare that had been used over the years for visitors such as Owen, her mom and Jackie now had a golden ‘K’ pinned onto it. 

“You coming to bed babe?” Kalinda asked.

“One sec,” she said, eating the last cookie from the plate left for Santa.

In bed, Kalinda spooned Alicia, who somehow curled up small enough to be the little spoon. Alicia ran her hands down Kalinda’s thigh. “What did you and Grace talk about?”

“Christmas, Diwali. How lucky she is to have such a great Mom. I don’t think you have to worry about her reservations anymore.”

Alicia squeezed Kalinda’s hand, affectionately. Kalinda kissed Alicia’s ear, and ran her hands down her front.

“You ever thought about getting… piercings or a tattoo.”

“I have my ears pierced.”

“Hardly counts,” Kalinda laughed, rubbing her fingers over Alicia’s areolas. “Nipple piercings are hot,” she squeezed playfully. 

"At my age!?” Alicia shuddered from the sensitivity and hit her playfully. “I could get a tattoo like yours?” Alicia smiled, unconvincingly. “What is your tattoo?”

“A trishula, it’s associated with Shiva, the god of destruction. In Hinduism the three points represent creation, preservation, and destruction, the tearing down of old ways to create new ones.”

“So what happens when we get old?” Alicia asked, running her fingers over it.

“I get a new tattoo?” Kalinda smiled. “You have nothing to worry about, Alicia. I’m going nowhere.”

They kissed, for the first time Alicia slipping her tongue into Kalinda’s mouth before Kalinda had a chance to make her move.

“I also hear tongue piercings are...wonderful for your partner,” Alicia blushed. “If _you_ wanted to get one.”

“Where did _you_ hear such a thing?”

“A few of my girlfriends in college considered getting them. Some of the guys made a point of only dating girls who had them.”

“Was Will Gardner one of those guys?”

Alicia hit her.

“...but you always gave great head anyway so never bothered?”

Alicia hit her again, less playfully this time.

“In all seriousness, I would consider a tattoo. A tasteful one. Where no one would see it. Except you.”

Kalinda kissed her, and began to run her hands over potential spots. “I’ve been meaning to get another, we can go together. I fancy a huge fresco of a pious Saint Alicia on my arm, where I can really show you off.”

“Stop it.”

“I can get you one for next Christmas.”

“It will be my birthday before then. June. When’s yours?” Alicia turned to face her.

Kalinda smiled. “Every day I get to call you my girlfriend.” Despite the terrible answer, Alicia licked her lower lip and kissed Kalinda.

“I just called you my girlfriend to Grace.,” Alicia whispered. “Is that what we are, _girlfriends_? It sounds too young.”

“We could be _partners_?”

“Sounds too legal.” 

“Girlfriends it is,” Kalinda laughed and kissed her. She looked at her phone and saw the time, 00.01. 

“We had best get some sleep,” Alicia yawned. Kalinda turned back to face her, running her fingers down the side of her face.

“I love you Alicia, Merry Christmas.”

Alicia’s face lit up. “I love you too Kalinda. Merry Christmas.”


	13. Opening up a can of worms

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Somewhat the apex of this story (to an extent) although I probably will continue with this for some time until I feel it makes a more conclusive end. Let me know what you guys think!

There was a timid knock at Alicia’s bedroom door. She turned over to look at the clock on her bedside table, it was 8.06am.

“Are you awake babe?” she whispered to Kalinda, who yawed and turned away from Alicia.

“No,” Kalinda groaned.

“The kids are up, come on,” Alicia shook her gently.

“Ok,” Kalinda said, turning over.

"Up," Alicia said, the way she would have to get her kids up for school. Alicia's work had meant the kids were now often left to their own devices to get up for school. She figured they'd appreciate it one day, instilling their own self-sufficiency in them. It was a shame they took it so literally on a day such as Christmas Day, however.

“Merry Christmas,” Alicia said, popping her head around the door, half expecting the kids to push past her and go bounding in screaming ‘he’s been’ the way they would when they were small children.

“Merry Christmas Mom,” Zach said, passing her a stocking with _Alicia_ embroidered on it.

“Can we hang on ten minutes or so?”

“Why, were you having sex?” Grace asked,completely sincere.

“Grace, what the hell!?”

“Guys, shhh, no we were not having sex, we just need a few minutes to get ready. Go make some coffee.

“How do you even know that they _have_ sex?” Zach asked Grace, getting the Christmas mugs out of the cabinet.

“I walked in on them last night.”

“Are you kidding!?”

“I wish I was.”  
  


* * *

  
As Alicia went back into the bedroom with her stocking in hand, she sat on the bed and stroked Kalinda’s back. “I won't ask you again, beautiful.”

“Do I have to get dressed?” Kalinda spoke into the pillow. She was merely wearing a cami nightdress that Alicia wouldn’t have been able to get over her own shoulders.

Alicia turned her over and gave her a stern Mom-like look. “Up to you, the kids will be in here any minute with coffee.”

Kalinda dragged herself to sit up. “Am I showing too much flesh, _Mom_?” she asked, fluttering her sexy eyes.

“A little,” Alicia laughed, "stop that, or I'll have to tell Santa you've been bad."

"Tell him anyway," she laughed. She hopped off the bed and into Alicia's en-suite bathroom.

“Should I have got something for the kids? Gifts I mean.” 

“Just make sure your nipples aren’t showing," Alicia shouted to her.

Kalinda tried not to laugh as she addressed her near nudity. “No, I mean it, is it rude for me to be here without gifts? Did you bring...your gift?”

“No, no, don’t worry, I got the kids covered. Besides, they’ll be getting many more from their father and grandmother later I can imagine. And yes, I brought the gift you left in my desk drawer, is it safe to open in front of the kids? Either way, just you being here is a wonderful gift,” Alicia smiled, following her into the bathroom.

Kalinda bit her lip in deep thought, then nodded. Alicia sunk her lips to her lover's neck, leading a trail of kisses down her as she removed her straps.

"Now please get dressed."  
  


* * *

  
Grace and Zach came in each with a mug of coffee in each hand. He moved to her bed and sat at his Mom's feet, leaving Grace to hand Kalinda her coffee and sit on her side. “Natal Mubarak,” she said. 

“Natal Mubarak,” Kalinda smiled, “thank-you Grace.”

“I wasn’t sure what language you spoke with your family, but a girl in my class from Pakistan said most languages in the region would say something similar.”

“That was really thoughtful of you.” Kalinda pulled Grace over and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

“Who’s opening first,” Alicia asked, as Zach re-entered the room with three more stockings. Grace and Zach had their own, and they had pinned a letter ‘K’ fashioned out of foiled gift-wrap on the spare stocking that Owen, Alicia’s Mum or Jackie had used over the years. Kalinda’s eyes lit up with surprise as Grace passed her her own stocking.

"Really?" she asked. "I get one?"

Alicia squeezed her hand. "Zach you go first."

He had a pair of Star Wars socks in his stocking, some gadget for his iWatch that Alicia had not remotely understood what it actually is when he’d asked for it, and tickets for a Cubs game. Grace went next and opened a beautiful journal that Alicia had seen when she was out of town but knew it was perfect for her when she saw it way back in the spring, with some perfume, and a gift certificate for the theatre downtown.

“Kalinda, your turn.”

“But you really shouldn’t have got me anything.”  
  
“I wanted to,” Alicia insisted, handing her a compact-sized box from inside the stocking. 

There was a really fancy black kohl eyeliner inside, one way more expensive than what Kalinda usually bought, and a pearlescent lipstick. In the smaller box there were earrings, not too dissimilar to what she would usually wear, in a near matching shade to the lipstick. Alicia had found it harder to buy gifts for Kalinda, seeing as she’d probably have preferred hard liquor or a sex toy or some ammo or something else equally ridiculous, but Alicia felt it important she had something _appropriate_ to open.

“Thank-you Alicia,” Kalinda smiled. A small tear emerged from the corner of her eye. 

“You’re welcome,” Alicia replied, wiping away the tear. She kissed her, albeit on the temple, it was the first time she had explicitly done so in front of the kids. 

Kalinda sniffed, embarrassed about the emotional display. “This is the first Christmas I’ve ever had. So really, thank you.” Kalinda ran her hand down Alicia’s arm and grasped her hand.

“There are more presents in there,” Grace said, pushing Kalinda’s stocking back towards her. Two small wrapped gifts fell out as Kalinda tipped it upside down. “They’re from me and Zach. Well, Zach really. He sorted everything out.”

Kalinda opened the first of the two - a small keyring with the letter K in gold. The second was a small zip-up wallet, “made from recycled milk cartons,” Zach added.

Kalinda laughed. “You guys are adorable. Thankyou,” she gave them both a kiss on the cheek.

Alicia was last to open the stocking. As there was understandably nothing in there from Peter, nor from Kalinda, she expected it to be bare. Eight small wrapped presents fell out as she turned it upside down. 

“I told you guys not to go mad,” Alicia said, squeezing Zach’s cheek.

“We had to get you something.”

Each small gift was a magnetic photo of her and the kids. From Disneyland when they were tiny, summers at a cottage they once stayed at by Lake Michigan, their one trip to Paris, the previous Christmas with their Uncle Owen in Portland. 

“We wanted you to know...we’re ok with having you and Dad not get back together. We have plenty of memories of you being a great mom on your own.”

The last one she opened was from Grace’s middle school concert the previous school year. Peter had been in jail, and it was the first time Alicia went to any of these school events alone. And, despite the whispers and questionable musical talent on show, she’d enjoyed every second. She was overwhelmed with love for her children. “Come here,” she smiled, and hugged them both and covered them with kisses.

“Did Kalinda get you a gift?” Zach asked, as they composed themselves, wiping his face the way that teenage sons always do.

"I did," Kalinda smiled.

Alicia’s speech lingered a second. “I don’t know…”

“Open it,” Kalinda nodded.

Alicia went into her dresser drawer, where she’d hidden Kalinda’s gift. The size of the box had convinced her that it was the infamous bullet vibrator or something equally seedy, maybe one of Kalinda’s many other toys she’d enjoyed so much on their Thursday nights. Once she removed the paper it revealed that it was merely a gift box, inside harnessing a ring box. Alicia gasped and looked at Kalinda. Alicia opened it and in sat a white gold ring, three diamonds set in a trilogy. Alicia’s face crumpled with emotion.

“Before anyone has a heart attack, this isn’t a proposal, Alicia,” Kalinda smiled. “And I understand if you can’t wear it publicly yet. But I wanted you to know...how much you mean to me. I love you.”

For the first time they kissed as lovers in the open, without nervous looks or hesitation, no regard for Zach and Grace sitting merely feet away. 

“I love you too,” Alicia smiled, then blushing. She was acutely aware that she’d never been this sentimental in front of her kids with their father, but right now, she didn't care. 

As she hugged Kalinda, Grace and Zach jumped to hug them too.

* * *

“Now how did Santa know _I_ was staying here!?” Kalinda laughed, as they walked into the kitchen, finding her name set on the table with a Christmas cracker. She fiddled with it, not having seen once since school.

“He’s dead creepy, didn’t you know? Sees you when you’re sleeping, knows when you’re awake,” Zach joked. “Knows if you’ve been bad or good. I think Grace has been doing that part for him, though.”

Alicia hit him playfully. “I’m guessing your sister told you?” 

“Yeah, I don’t think she knew how lesbians have sex beforehand.”

Grace buried her face in her hands, wincing.

“I would like to know how _you_ know?”

“We have...Sex Ed.”

“Once Christmas is over we’re having _the talk,”_ Alicia said sternly. 

“Poor girl,” Kalinda wrapped her arms around Grace.

Alicia laughed, also wrapping her arms around her lover and her daughter.

“How are you not the one embarrassed!?” Grace asked her mom. “Like it’s not normal for your kids to talk about your sex life, is it?”

Alicia looked at Kalinda with raised eyebrows. “Well, as much as you’ll always be my babies, you guys are getting older. You don’t have to be embarrassed talking about this stuff. Just as long as we do talk about it instead of gossiping behind my back.” Alicia inhaled deeply. “Ok let’s pause this conversation here. It’s Christmas! Who’s making hot cocoa?”  
  


* * *

  
Alicia was barely able to move after the dinner. Since Kalinda didn’t eat anywhere near as much as Peter would have done, she found herself taking seconds and thirds to compensate. She sat in the chair at the head of the table, clutching her over-fed stomach the way she hadn't since she was nine months pregnant. Although at least this time she could drink through it.

At three the kids said goodbye to her and went downstairs to meet their father. Thakfully Peter has kept his distance since receiving the news.

"Not a word to your grandmother!" Alicia said, her children kissing her goodbye as Kalinda poured her another glass of wine, and pulled her chair closer to Alicia’s.

"I still can't believe last night. Our first Christmas together and...”

"It's a story to tell I suppose...?" Kalinda smiled. "Plus as you say, it's only the first, here's to many more."

Alicia clinked her glass against Kalinda's and took a sip. "It’s funny, in the dozen or so years since Grace started walking she’s never once walked in on me with Peter. First night you're here and bang the door is open.”

“Maybe she has a sixth sense for good sex. She could do well for it.”

“I hope not, I had better career hopes for her than that.”

“It’s not the worst career, good money. And she’s a beautiful girl. Gets it from her mother.”

Alicia hit her playfully. “You really know how to flatter me.”

They kissed slowly. “It’s how I get what I want.”

Once they felt able to move, Kalinda and Alicia cuddled up on the sofa, deciding which cliché Christmas film was the biggest _must see_ . Kalinda struggled to keep her hands off her girlfriend as they watched the epitome of overemphasised heterosexuality in _Love, Actually,_ which Kalinda enjoyed watching mainly for reminding her of winters in London. And for having to explain to Leesh why And and Dec were famous and other pathetic British things.

Afterwards they headed to the bedroom, the first time since their unexpected interruption. “There’s another present for you," Kalinda smiled. "Look in the ring box.”

Alicia had no idea where this was heading but still got up from the table, went to her nightstand where she had left the ring, removed the cushion from the box. A small baggie of white powder was sitting underneath.

“You brought drugs into my house, Kalinda!?”

“I brought a few grams of cocaine. For after the kids left?”

“Do you not know me at all?”

“I’m sorry Alicia. I thought it would be something…”

“Something what!? Special!? Didn’t you think I’d maybe want to distance myself from, I don’t know, the influences of my husband’s affair.”

“Drugs weren’t the cause of his cheating, Alicia. Those photos were faked.”

“They were? Oh, how would you know!?”

"There's a lot you don't know about me Leesh. and I'm trying to open up, but it's hard." There was a long silence between them. “I slept with Peter, Alicia.”

“Oh come on!” Alicia genuinely didn’t believe her admission. “Who haven’t you slept with?" she said, cynically.

“I’m telling you the truth. He had something on me...knew something about my past, and it didn’t leave me much choice. It was long before I knew you.” 

Alicia fell onto the bed with her head in her hands. “That doesn’t make it ok, Kalinda!”

“Alicia, I’m sorry. I would never have done it if I hadn’t had to. He blackmailed me, I had no chance of being believed as a victim again the State's attorney.”

“You knew he had a wife. You knew we had children.”

“I didn’t know you. I didn’t know I was going to love you!”

“You never should’ve had a chance to love me! You should never have been a part of anything to do with my husband’s infidelity.”

“I wasn’t a prostitute, he didn’t pay me for sex.”

“And that makes it better!?” 

"No, you're right, it makes it worse."

Kalinda had never seen such a rage on Alicia’s face. "Damn right it makes it worse. Get out.”

“Alicia, please.”

“Get out, and take your drugs, and _guns_ , and whatever other indiscretions you have brought into my family home, with you.”

Kalinda was crying. It was the first time Alicia had seen her properly cry. “Alicia, please, I _love_ you.”

“And I _loved_ you. I really did.”

Kalinda put everything she could think of into her bad, slung it over her shoulder and slammed the apartment door behind her. Her stocking and gifts were left behind on the bed. She had taken the ring but left the cocaine.

* * *

The fact that Owen was able to drop everything on Christmas Day to be by his sister’s side made her feel so much _worse_. He was back in the city and by her side less than an hour from her call. She was mainly thankful that he hadn’t brought her mother with him.

“Heartbreak on Christmas Day, it’s rough sis.” As she paced up and down the room he took her phone from the arm of the sofa, unlocking it with ease by first trying Zach's then Grace's dates of birth. The latter worked.

“I just feel so stupid. I made myself so vulnerable to her."

"What do you mean vulnerable? I knew it, you've been fucking haven't you. _Finally_."

"How did you know we were sleeping together? And what do you mean _finally_ , it hadn't been that long."

"Come on, I saw how you looked at each other. You were though, right?"

"Yes we were sleeping together, As Will and I were before that."

"Oh of course, Mr. Gardner." He didn't have much to add on the topic of Will, too busy searched the contacts in his sister's phone.

"And then first night here with Kalinda, Grace walked in so _that_ was a fun conversation."

Owen laughed.

"It's not funny, Owen."

"Come on, it's pretty funny, sis. Was she good? Kalinda I mean." 

"So fucking good. Like, I didn't know sex could be that good."

"So why would you break this off now? She clearly was ridden with guilt.”

“You really think so?”

“I know so. I’ve done it, known there’s stuff I should tell the poor guy but wanted the sex more than the moral guilt.”

Alicia collapsed on the sofa. “How do I get into this mess?”

“You didn’t. Peter did this to you.”

“And Kalinda? She played me.”

“I don’t think she played you Alicia..." he said, only half paying attention as he sent Kalinda a message.

"In what way did she not play me?"

"She told you her secret because she couldn’t hide it from you any longer. If she were playing you, she would’ve kept on sleeping with you, playing happy families and never said a word.”

“On Christmas Day though!?” Alicia inhaled deeply. “I don’t know why, I expected you to agree with me and hate on her. You always used to do that when I was upset.”

He shrugged. “Mainly because you were upset by Peter.”

“So you thinking she’s worth the hassle really isn’t helping me,” Alicia exhaled, pacing across the lounge. “Have you ever done cocaine Owen?”

“Have _I_?”

“Wanna do some?” She went into the bedroom and brought out the baggie Kalinda had left on the bed.

“Who are you and what did you do with my sister!?”

Alicia laughed, the first time since Owen had got there, albeit with an air of villainy. “Kalinda brought it. It’s what started the argument. Starting to wish I’d just done it with her.”

“Do it with your brother instead,” he said, clapping her on the back. 

Alicia found an old credit card of Peter’s in their cabinet drawer and relished in the feeling of, somehow, getting him back if this would ever be traced back to him. As she swept and cut four lines on the coffee table, Owen couldn’t stop watching.

“Are you sure you haven’t done this before!?” he asked her

She looked up and smirked at him. “I never got to be the reckless one. I’m always putting the pieces back together after other people’s mistakes. Time for me to make some mistakes.”

“And there’s no one you’d rather do this mistake with,” Owen smiled, rolling up a twenty dollar bill. "Sorry, I'm not rolling in cash." 

For the first time since Kalinda left, she laughed.

They snorted a line each and were interrupted by a knock at the door. “Shit,” Alicia muttered, dabbing her nose. Her nostril was bleeding. “Don’t you dare answer that fucking door.” She ran to the bathroom.

Owen answered the door. As he expected, it was Kalinda.

“You’ve got some...cocaine? on your nose,” she pointed.

He wiped it with his sleeve. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“Thanks for reaching out. Is Alicia ok?”

“I mean, she’s been better. Are you ok? Come in before she locks you out. Where did you go?”

“Just walked to the El and back a couple of times.”

Kalinda awkwardly followed Owen back towards the spot she and Alicia had argued at merely hours beforehand. 

“So you did the coke?” she asked quietly.

“We both did one line,” he shrugged. “There’s some left if you want it?”

“I’ll have to see how I’ll be getting home first.”

Alicia emerged from the bathroom, face red as soon as she saw her lover at the doorway. “Owen! You never fucking change, why can’t you once do what I ask.” Her face was red and blotchy. 

“Come on sis’, we’re not fourteen and playing hooky now.”

“I was never playing hooky, merely covering your ass.” She turned from her brother to her colleague. “Kalinda, why are you here?”

“I wanted to make sure you’re ok.”

“I’m ok, thanks, Kalinda, you can leave.”

Owen stood up. “Ok, I need to intervene here, Alicia, do not act like you don’t want Kalinda here,” he was gesticulating with his hands the way he always did when he was trying to take charge.

“I do not want Kalinda here.”

Kalinda approached her and tried to take her hand. “This afternoon you were saying you love me, Alicia.”

“I’m not doing this again Kalinda, my brother is here.”

“He’s the one who told me to come back.”

Speechless, Alicia turned to her brother. “I cannot begin to tell you how much you piss me off sometimes.”

“But I’m family so you have to love me. And we all know you’ve never been happier than you have been since you two got together.”

“You don’t know that!”

“I do! Hard to believe I know, but I _have_ known you for forty years. You have never been happy in yourself so much, not since you were a kid.”

“Alicia, I don’t expect you to forgive me, I just couldn’t live with not telling you the truth.”

“Don’t play the martyr here Kalinda.”

“Alicia, I’m not. I love you.”

Alicia could see Owen smile out of the corner of her eye. 

“Is this what you wanted?” Alicia was seething. She sat back on the sofa and struggled to re-roll the bill she’d used for the first line to do a second.

“Let me,” Kalinda sighed, taking the bill from her and helping Alicia do a line herself before taking it from her and snorting her own.

“What am I gonna tell the kids when they come back. _By the way, that woman I was dating who you just spent Christmas with? The one who almost destroyed my relationship with my daughter? Turns out she fucked your father! Want some cocaine?_ ”

“That’s not fair, Alicia. We both know Grace has warmed to us.”

“And even if she hadn’t, what are you then going to say? Turns out Kalinda has a history so I’ve called it off. But only after I did all her drugs.” Owen stood up, putting his jacket on. “Don’t throw this away.”

“Don’t tell me what to do,Owen.”

“I just want you to be happy, sis.”

“And now you’re leaving?”

“It’s too warm in here. I’m going for a walk.”

Kalinda touched Owen’s forehead with the back of her hand. 

“Do I have a fever?”

“Nah, it’s ok, you feel hot but you did just do a line.”

“Is that normal?”

“And that’s the paranoia setting in,” Kalinda sat back onto the couch.

Alicia put her head in her hands.

“Alicia, please.” Kalinda turned towards her and touched her neck. Alicia kept her hands away while Kalinda leant in to kiss her.

While Alicia wanted to reject her kiss she couldn't; she dodged her a couple more times before her fingers on the back of her head melted her in her girlfriend’s direction. Before she knew it she was kissing Kalinda back.

“Don’t you ever bring drugs into this house again.”

“I won’t, I’m sorry.”

Alicia moved to her feet.

Kalinda followed, her soft breath tickling at Alicia’s neck as she tippy-toed to meet her height 

They kissed.

“Not without asking me first.”


	14. Drawing the year to a close

The holidays had kept Kalinda and Alicia busy, and out of the office enough that they were able to see each other plenty without it being an issue. They chose to spend new year together just the two of them, at Alicia’s place. 

“This must be the first New Year’s Eve I’ve spent sober since...I don’t even know when.”

“I have champagne in the fridge for later,” Alicia smiled. They lay on the bed, naked but for the covers over them, holding hands. She rolled over and kissed her girlfriend again. “It’s gonna be weird, being back at work. I won’t be able to see you as much.”

“I know,” Kalinda smiled and took her hands.

“We do need to talk about...what you told me on Christmas Day. I'd rather do it before...we start drinking. Start the New Year on a clean slate.”

"Are you deciding my resolutions for me this year?" Kalinda asked.

"No. But don't you want everything in the open? Now that we're not arguing about it."

"I don't want us to argue about it again."

"So we won't. We're both adults."

Kalinda smiled and nodded. She sat up and shuffled back to rest her back on the headboard. "What do you want to talk about?"

"W hy you slept with Peter? The whole story.”

“When I first moved here, I was being followed, a guy associated with Nick. Peter helped me change my name and got me new papers. So I couldn't be as easily traced .”

“Did he know you as Leela?”

“Kinda. I was working for a friend of his on a case. It was one of my first jobs in Chicago as a private PI, but I wasn’t licensed so it was all very hush hush. When I found out he was friends with the State’s Attorney, I asked if he could pull strings to help get me a new identity, in lieu of payment for my work. Peter got me the papers but when I went to collect them he instructed me to sleep with him or he wouldn't hand them over. In return he employed me at the SA’s office while I got my associate’s degree. Which ultimately got me the job at Lockhart/Gardener.”

“So everything you have here, everything we have, I owe to him?”

“In a roundabout way,” Kalinda nodded, looking down and picking the lacquer from her nails. “I’m not proud of what I did, but everything I did those first few months here was a means to building a new life.”

“What was so terrible about your old life? What is it you have to hide from me? ”

"Nick's not a good guy. I married him to get away from my family, but I was so young. Barely seventeen. I didn't know what I was getting into."

Alicia put her arms around her girlfriend.

“I knew if I told you up front, when you first joined the firm, that it would destroy us. I wouldn't have ever had your friendship, and we wouldn't have even had a chance to explore our love for each other."

"I understand that," Alicia said, kissing Kalinda's temple. "What I don't understand is why leave it until I’ve introduced you to my kids, and you’ve bought me a _ring,_ before you tell me?" 

"Peter told me to tell you and I said I would when it was the right time. At that moment, us together, I saw the one thing I've wanted my entire life. A lover who loves me back, who welcomes me into a family,who's not ashamed of me, and that was the first time I've ever had that. So as much as I was selfish, and I was clinging on because I loved every second of being with you and I couldn't bear to lose you, I knew then it was my last chance to tell you."

A tear trickled down Kalinda's face, and as Alicia looked at her, she wanted to wipe it away, to embrace her, to tell her everything is ok. But she was still hurting,

"I know...it’s a lot, Alicia. There’s not one person who knows everything about me, but this is the closest I’ve ever let myself get to anyone. Everything I’ve told you in the last four weeks is true, and although it was really hard to share some of it, every word of it was true. Please don’t let this be in vain.”

“Ok. ”

“I’m so sorry I hurt you, both back then and again now. I love you Alicia, I want to be with you for the rest of my life. And there’s no one else I have ever spoken those words to.”

Alicia put her head on Kalinda's shoulder. “I love you too, Kalinda. I have so many thoughts and emotions flying around my head but that’s the only one I can articulate right now.”  She started crying.

Kalinda put her arms around her. “It’s ok babe,” she consoled her.

"Is there anything else you need to tell me?"

"Nothing that I think you need to know. There's stuff from my past...it's a lot. But it will hurt you more to know those things about me. I don't want you to see me as a victim."

"You're the strongest person I know, Kalinda."

"Thank-you," Kalinda kissed her. 

“Kalinda, sorry but I have to ask. Do you have anyone else...on the go at the moment that I need to know about?"

"No. Alicia when I said I'm all in, I meant it."

"What about the stuff you do for work?"

"It's just flirtation. I only act on it if I need to."

"Like you did with Peter?"

"I didn’t with Peter; he instigated it. I wish I’d been able to say no.”

“I just can’t believe Peter is capable of that.”

“A lot of men aren’t exactly who you would think they are.”

“What makes it safe for him not to destroy you now?”

“Peter? You. He still loves you, but he knows he’s fallen short. He could hardly argue that the two of you belong together after what he did to you. But we’re he to destroy me now, it would mean bringing you down.”

“So what do we do? Stay closeted forever?”

“We could probably speak to Eli, he's going to want to know what our plans are. You’re not in any rush to divorce, not on my accord. Since I’m still married too…”

“Oh yeah. I guess that’s something else to talk about.”

“I’m hoping to prove I’ve been away from him long enough the marriage will be dissolved.”

"Are we going to stop crying and enjoy the last few hours of 2011?"

Alicia smiled, and wiped her tears.


	15. Getting Close

Kalinda grabbed her girlfriend's wrist as she passed her in the lobby. “Leesh, I won't be over until later on tomorrow. I need to..." she checked noone around could hear them. "Dana asked me out.”

“Really!?" Alicia raised her eyebrows in intrigue. "Were you gonna tell me you're seeing other people or...?

“Yeah. I mean, I’m obviously not going for the  _ date _ , she’s just fishing around for something and I need to protect the firm.”

“Is it about Will?” Alicia was referring to the ongoing Grand Jury Investigation headed up by Wendy Scott Carr in an attempt to indict Will.

“Yeah, I think so.”

“Ok, well just make sure she doesn’t know about us. And by us I mean both _you and I_ and _Will and I_.”

“Don’t worry. I will tell her that I’m seeing someone though. If you want.”

“Just do whatever you think is best for us,” Alicia smiled. 

"I'll aim to be there around eight."

Alicia quickly looked around before grabbing Kalinda’s wrist and pulling her into the elevator. “I love you,” she whispered, after the doors close. “Bye.”

They kissed. 

“I love you too Leesh.”  
  


* * *

  
Alicia worked from home for the rest of the following day, having grown tired from going up and down in the elevator and back and forth to the courthouse all morning.

“So, you and Nisa are getting close,” she said to Zach, as his girlfriend left the apartment around seven. She felt aware that her pareting had been lacking this side of Christmas, especially when it came to Zach, who was past the age of coming to his mom to cuddle while they watched TV.

“I guess so.” 

_ Three word sentences all that boy can manage _ Alicia thought to herself.  “This was her fourth night over here.”

“I thought you liked Nisa.”

“I do. Just Thursdays you’re supposed to be with your Dad. And Kalinda is over on Thursdays, so you shouldn’t have guests here.”

“Mom, it's not a guest, it's Nisa."

"It's someone who's not family."

"Kalinda's not family."

Alicia frowned.

Zach sighed and began dragging his feet as he moved towards his mom. "We go to different schools now. We don’t see each other at school so we see each other here.”

“I know, but maybe you should slow it down a little?”

“You mean the way you and Kalinda slowed things down?”

“Zach…that's a false equivalence.”

“Are you just annoyed that if we’re here that means you can’t have Kalinda over and have sex?”

“Zach, I'm going to pretend you didn't just say that. And n o. It’s because...you’re young. She’s young. You’ll meet a lot of people, she will too.”

“Did _I_ do something wrong?”

“Not besides talking about Kalinda and I the way that you did.”

“It’s true!”

“So what if it is!? We’re adults, I had the same conversation with your sister after what happened on Christmas Eve.”

“We’re not kids!”

“No, but you’re in High school. I heard you two saying  _ I love you _ . I’m worried it’s a little too fast for that, that’s all.”

“I’m sorry Mom but, you’re a hypocrite.”

“Zach, come back here.”

“Whatever, I’ll ask her over here less.” He slammed the door to his room.  
  


* * *

  
Alicia felt she was seconds away from searching the stuff Kalinda left at her place for her  _ stash _ , even if it were just a cigarette and no weed, when there was a knock at the door. She opened it to her girlfriend, who she kissed on the cheek. “Hey, how was your  _ date _ ?”

“Don’t ask, same as what I expected. You eaten?”

“Nope, neither has  _ Zach, _ ” Alicia side-eyed in the direction of his room.

“Ah, so we can’t go straight to dessert?”

“What did you have in mind?”

“Hmmm...some kind of  _ warm pie _ .”

“Stop it,” Alicia said, playfully pushing Kalinda away from her neck. “Um, Zach and I had a bit of a disagreement.”

“What about?”

“Nisa. I said they were going a bit too fast. He didn’t like that and threw it back at  _ us _ ."

"I can see why he'd be...I dunno, _jealous_. You get me over once a week or so to get sex out of your system. He'll have all those teenage hormones rushing through his bloodstream and isn't allowed to get it out of his own system. Well, outside of his tube socks"

Alicia rubbed her nose against Kalinda's, in complete agreement with her argument but still feeling stuck between a rock and a hard place. "You wanna tell him that?"

"That he's just gonna have to wank himself dry until he goes to college? No thank-you.  I don’t want to do your...bargaining for you.”

Alicia sighed. “You’re right.”

"Just make sure he knows how to be safe. Then if he does go behind your back and get laid at some house party or something you don't have to worry about it."

"Unless it goes awry?"

"I know. You don't really have any other choice, unless you're gonna go the other way and are considering letting him have her in his room?"

Alicia shook her head. "Then there's _her_ parents to contend with. Plus we don’t want Nisa knowing about us do we?" 

"Ok, so see if Peter will let him have Nisa over there on Thursdays...then it’s not your problem.”

"And I'm still the stickler for the rules."

“You're sexy when you're strict."

Alicia took a bottle of red wine out of the rack and began opening it. 

“You’re right…” Alicia exhaled, "I'll speak to Peter later. Wanna order something in?”

“Sure,” Kalinda smiled, taking a seat as Alicia grabbed two glasses, pouring a glass for each of them. “Fancy that new Korean place?”

“Sounds great,” Alicia toasted her lover. “So do I have anything to worry about with Dana?”

“She knows I’m not interested.”

“Good to know.”

Zach’s bedroom door flung open and Kalinda heard his footsteps as he passed behind her on his way to the door. “Hey, we’re ordering from the Korean place, your mom said you haven’t eaten.”

“I’m going to my Dad’s,” Zach said.

“No, you are not driving when you’re angry,” Alicia took his car keys before he could. “You’re having dinner with us or not leaving your room.”

“Mom, really?”

“ _ Yes _ . Which will it be?”  
  


* * *

  
Alicia switched to auto-pilot as she served up their noodles out of their stained cartons with one hand, the phone pressed against her ear with the other hand. “Yes, Peter, Zach is eating with us tonight. I know it's your night, he can come over another night instead. I need to talk to you and him together, can you bring Grace back before eleven? Ok, bye.”

“You’re having Saturday at your dad’s instead of tonight,” she told Zach after hanging up the phone as he slurped on his ramen. 

“Do I need to leave?” Kalinda whispered as Alicia put her arms around her, kissing her cheek.

“No, it’s ok. He needs to get used to seeing us together.” 

Zach glared at them.

"I'm referring to your father."

“Why would Dad even care about you?” Zach addressed Kalinda directly.

“Zach, you really need to stop being such a teenager in the way you’re speaking to us. And stop listening into things that don’t concern you.”

“My having a girlfriend doesn’t concern _you_.”

“Until you’re eighteen it’s my responsibility to look after you. Are you and Nisa sleeping together?”

Zach squirmed in his chair. “Do we have to do this with her here.”

“Seeing as you’re being so damn rude while she’s here I think we do. I wouldn’t dream of speaking to an adult the way you have spoken to either of us this evening."

"I want to talk to Dad about it."

"Well your father is bringing your sister home so we'll be having that conversation before bed. And don't even think of eating that in your room." 

Alicia rolled her eyes so only Kalinda could see, she smiled, taking a sip of wine with her udon. For the first time in months Alicia was silently praying for Peter to show up so they could cut the awkwardness in the room. Kalinda attempted to steer conversation between the two of them towards work, so to drive home to her girlfriend's teenage son that two women dating can be as boring and mundane as any other relationship.

Peter let himself in of course, completely disrupting the monotony of their dinner but still in a way that irked Alicia to her core. How she'd never sensed that entitlement in her husband, or at least not for so long, was beyond her comprehension at this point in time.

Alicia's mind shifted from the father of her children to her kids themselves, as Grace greeted both her mom and Kalinda with a cuddle, then helping herself to some of the squid they'd ordered. Alicia looked on as her daughter chatted to her girlfriend as though they were old friends, family even, and felt the butterflies she hasn't felt since their time spent as a family over the holidays.

"Grace, can you show Kalinda your room please?"

"Sure," Grace said, confused as to what her Dad had just asked of her. "I didn't even know you knew my Dad," Grace said, as she moved some schoolbooks so Kalinda could sit at the foot of her bed.

"Yeah, I worked with your Dad for a while. Before I knew your Mom, actually."

"Why is Chicago like that!?"

Kalinda laughed. "You don't know the half of it."


	16. Leaving their options open

The office was manic. Everyone was stressed about what this Grand Jury held in the balance for Will, Kalinda and Alicia had both been back and forth to the courthouse all day between testifying and supporting Will and Elsbeth organise their strategy. The only good news, as far as Alicia was concerned, was that Peter was taking the kids for a night at the weekend to make up for the disaster that Thursday evening had been.

Once Saturday came around they reinstated the _no kids, no Peter_ rule for the evening, which removed 99% of sources of anxiety for Kalinda. As they were at her place, so no distractions there.

“Go on,” Alicia moaned, sitting back and getting comfortable,kicking off her heels and pulling her legs onto the bed.

“What do you wanna do?” Kalinda asked, as she sat opposite her girlfriend on her bed. She bit her lip, trying her best seductive look that she knew made Alicia melt.

“I want you to make me cum.” 

Kalinda laughed, expecting a more elaborate response. She gestured for more information.

“You know...the way you used to.”

“What do you mean, the way I used to?”

“Before _I_ knew what I was doing. You would just...take a lead and keep me on edge until I couldn’t take it anymore.”

“So that means you don’t wanna do any of the work.”

“Not tonight.”

“Are you being spoilt, Mrs. Florrick?”

“A little,” Alicia licked her lips. “I _did_ use to have to beg you to _let_ me do anything for you.”

"There are only certain things I can ask of the future First Lady of Illinois."

"We said _no Peter,"_ Alicia said, removing her stockings.

"You also said _like I used to,_ " Kalinda stared into her eyes, pulling Alicia's stockings back up. 

"I love that you can dress me as efficiently as you can undress me."

“It’s one of my greatest skills.” Kalinda ran her fingers over Alicia’s crotch, making minimal contact with her panties and soft skin through the fibers. “Why are you so wet?”

“I don’t know. There’s this girl, her name’s Kalinda? She might have something to do with that.”

“Oh yeah? Why, what would she know?”

Alicia laughed. As she looked to the side, where Kalinda would usually have a few toys lined up, she noticed only lubricant was ready for use. “Wow, we really are going old school, huh?"

"Tell me about it."  
  


* * *

  
“Guess what Eli said today,” Alicia said, laying side to side with her girlfriend.

“Do I want to know?”

“He called me a _gay icon_.”

“If only he knew,” Kalinda laughed, turning to face her. “You’re free next Saturday right?”

“Yeah, it’s my weekend off, why, what do you have in mind?”

“I’ve...we’ve been invited to a party. If you’d like to go?”

“What do you mean _we_? Nobody knows about us.”

“Well...not _Kalinda and Alicia_ by name. Me and my plus one.”

“Whose party?”

“It’s a...sex party. A girl I used to...see, she hosts them. For women involved in these...circles.”

“Like an orgy?”

Kalinda laughed. “Kinda.”

“Do you wanna sleep with other people?”

“Not explicitly, no...I just thought _you_ might wanna try it out?”

“You thought _I_ might want to sleep with other people?”

“No. Alicia, babe, I just mean… It's the kinda thing I used to do, before I was in a relationship. A lot of couples go too...and they can get a lot out of it. If that’s what they want.”

“Is that what you want for...us?”

“It’s not that I explicitly want that for us. I just want you to know it’s an option. Lesbians…well, _women who like women_ , are thought to exhaust their relationships relatively early on.”

“You mean, sexually?”

“Yeah, it's been called _lesbian bed death._ Don’t get me wrong, it’s nothing I’ve felt personally.”

“I haven’t either. We’ve made it this far.”

“I know, and these past few months have been amazing. Just since the opportunity to...experiment arose, I didn’t want to say no to it on behalf of both of us if that wasn’t both our stance on it.”

“But why would anyone in a committed relationship want to do that?”

“Because it’s exciting?”

"What if I don’t think so?”

“That’s ok too.”

“Do you want it?”

“I just want what you want.”

Alicia sighed, turning onto her side. “Whose _parties_ are they?”

“Lana Delaney’s.”

“Your FBI girl?”

“She’s not _my_ girl. You are.”

Alicia blushed. “But she is the federal agent you _were_ seeing before me.”

Kalinda nodded. “For a short while, but that doesn’t mean anything."

Alicia did not look convinced.

"Well, it does mean I can trust her. The kind of women who she would extend the invitation to...have a lot to lose. If it were to go public.”

“If _what_ were to go public?”

“Their sexuality. Maybe an extra-marital affair or two.”

“Like ours, you mean?”

“Possibly, but I’m sure we’re not the only ones. I mean, Lana is hardly telling everyone at the bureau she’s gay, we can trust that anything that did happen would be kept well under wraps.”

“It all just seems...sketchy. Like we don’t have anything to hide in our own personal lives, those closest to us know about us. Do we need to sneak around and involve more people?”

“We’re not out at work are we? We don’t go on dates outside of our two apartments. I just wanted to give you the option.”

“Ok, I’ll think about it."

They kissed and Alicia leant over to switch off the lamp at her bedside, but hesitated a moment or two. "Wait...Kalinda.”

“Yeah?”

“Did you tell Lana about us?”

“No...she just assumed I’d found my _somebody_ when I kept declining her invites. And she did always know that I liked you.”

“Did you tell her about me back then? About how you felt about me?”

“I didn’t need to. Every time you would call she could see it on my face.” 

Alicia smiled.

“What?”

“You’re cute,” Alicia said, kissing her nose, then shaking her head. “That is something I never thought I would say about you.”

“You’ve seen my softer side enough now, surely.”

“Just about. Come cuddle me.”

As they snuggled, Alicia sniffed the floral scent of Kalinda’s hair, running her fingers up and down her lover’s arms.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“What was it like? When you did that stuff before.”

“The group stuff? It was fun. Like you can experiment with stuff that would be fairly difficult with just one partner.”

“Like what?”

“Like…” Kalinda whispered, moving closer to Alicia, to whisper in her ear, “having your ass and your pussy eaten out at the same time.”

“You know I’m not interested in....anal stuff.”

“That does make it less exciting,” Kalinda laughed. “We can watch some stuff tomorrow, see if it entices you. It doesn’t have to be as scary as you think.”

"I’m not scared of it! It’s just never enticed me.”

”You say that about everything we haven’t tried.”

”I do not!”

Kalinda smiled. “Ok, so let’s try something new.”

“What do you have in mind?”

Kalinda looked at her girlfriend with the same mischievous look she always did when she was plotting. Taking Alicia’s hands, Kalinda turned her over, into her knees, and removed the stockings down to her ankles.

”We can save the anal stuff for the next time we shower,” she whispered, allowing Alicia to continue undressing herself while she focused on pleasuring her, brushing her soft fingers over her girlfriend’s panties. “I’m always amazed how you manage to keep it together on the surface when beneath your clothes you are...”

“Desperate for a fuck,” Alicia said between gritted teeth.

”Your words, not mine.” 

As Alicia exposed her bare back Kalinda unhooked her bra, smoothing the tense skin beneath the straps, cupping her lover’s breasts, kissing down her spine.

”Can you get my spot? Without...using a toy.”

”I’m sure I can,” Kalinda whispered into Alicia’s ear, sucking her lobe.

”How?” Alicia asked, breathing deeply as Kalinda inserted one, two, maybe three fingers into her.

“Like this,” Kalinda licked her lips and closed her eyes as she pushed gently against the resistance and closed her fingers into a fist inside her lover. Alicia exhaled as her folds closed around Kalinda’s wrist, her labia gushing.

“Fuck, Kalinda,” Alicia winced.

“I cannot believe how much your pussy can accommodate,” Kalinda whispered. “For a beginner.”

Alicia rolled her eyes. “Two nine pound babies have been pushed out of there.” 

“What other thing did we say we weren’t going to talk about…?”

“Sorry…” she whispered, struggling to contain her vocalisations.

“You reckon you could do this to me?”

“I don’t know,” Alicia whimpered, “you’re so dainty.”

“You manage to treat me right when I need you to,” Kalinda whispered, thrusting her fist into of her lover, timed with Alicia’s gasping breaths. 

“Fuck me Kalinda,” Alicia moaned, throwing her head back. 

“Oh babe, don’t worry, I am.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry, just an excuse for more smut really.


	17. Open Invitation

Kalinda showed up at Will's apartment a week into his suspension. Between classic baseball games and writing his 'book', Kalinda was releaved to get going back to work and discuss the case they were both working on with Alicia.

"How's she managing?" he asked Kalinda as she attempted to leave. She was sure he meant _how was Alicia d_ _ealing with her workload_ and not what Kalinda had in mind, their upcoming soirée chez Lana.

"She's good," Kalinda smiled. "Will, can I ask you something? In confidence."

"Sure, what's up?"

Kalinda stepped forward. "Did you give Alicia..."

"Kalinda, I have to stop you there. I cannot give you advice on dating the woman I had an affair with."

She tried to contain how funny she found it that Will thought she'd gone to him for _relationship advice._ "For a start, we both know there's nothing you did that I cannotdo for her."

"Until she wants a baby."

"With the kids and her husband I think she's set in that department. I just wanted to ask you..."

"You want to know something about us?"

"There's nothing she hasn't told me herself, Will. What I don't understand is...you gave her my case."

"There was no-one else in the firm we could trust to take your case, K. And it's in her interest to look out for you in more ways than one. Just answer her questions, keep an open mind and reassure her when things get hairy. You're being honest with her, right?"

"Yeah. But I haven't told her _everything_. To protect _her_."

"She'll appreciate that. It'll be fine."

Kalinda nodded and headed for the door. "Thanks, Will."  
  


* * *

  
For Kalinda, as she left the building it was hard to put her finger on what was tying her stomach in knots. What _was_ it that was bothering Kalinda that Alicia was now her _lawyer_ as well as her _lover_? It only hurt Kalinda slightly when she showed up to deliver Will's notes to Alicia in court, and she barely got a smile out of her. Nancy Crozier was up against them, and she was exactly the opponent to get Alicia wound up.

"It's not just that," Alicia said, as she and Kalinda finally got a moment to talk alone over lunch. "Eli asked me if I'm pursuing a divorce with Peter, since he knows about you and I."

"I'm sorry Leesh," Kalinda said, trying to keep her hands to herself as they sat opposite each other while they ate. 

"And what's worse is David Lee implied he's on the case."

"So what if he is?"

"It'll harm Peter's chances of getting the DNC Keynote."

"You don't owe him that."

"No, but I also said that you and I wouldn't go public so not to affect him politically."

"But this isn't you and I, it's you and Peter. They know what he's done to hurt you, most of it anyway. Can't you just stall Eli until after the convention."

Alicia shook her head. "Their decision is hanging on it." She neatly placed her cutlery on her plate and thanked the staff who came to clear it.

"Fucking politicians," Kalinda rolled her eyes, the two of them leaving the canteen. "And that's the more progressive option you guys have?"

"Come on, it's not like you'd be spoilt for choice back home."

"No-one from the Labour Party ever blackmailed me."

"You think that's what it is? Blackmail?"

"I mean, isn't it?"

"I don't even know anymore," Alicia sighed. "We'd best get back to court," she smiled, the first Kalinda had spied all day. "Did Will have much to say?"

Kalinda nodded. "I just said I assumed the two of us not working together no longer applies."

"Aren't I lucky," Alicia smiled, giving Kalinda's hand a secret squeeze.  


* * *

Kalinda's day took her to Cary's office, the bridge from the suicide case that she and Alicia were working on, and back to Alicia's office, before the main worry on her mind caught up with her.

"The IRS is claiming that the businesses you reporting receiving income from don't exist."

"Well they're wrong."

"You have proof?"

"Yeah, what's up?" David Lee appeared at the door, as if to respond on Kalinda's behalf.

"I can get proof," Kalinda nodded, bowing out behind David, wishing she could hear whatever the the conclusion was that Alicia had come to about her divorce. Catching Eli's eye through the glass office walls, she noticed she wasn't the only one wondering,  
  


* * *

  
"Did you ever meet Will's sisters?" Kalinda asked over dinner. They'd ventured out for the second time today, settling on a Mexican cantina that was casual enough to be merely work colleagues grabbing a bite before heading home. "They seem...interesting."

"No, I didn't. Why?"

"They were at his place earlier. I think they were trying to push us together, Will and I," Kalinda laughed. "Plotting, I hear it's what we sisters do best."

"You don't have a brother like Owen," Alicia laughed, taking a sip of her wine. "You never talk about your brothers."

"I guess I don't have many memories of them, once we were effectively separated for school and every other activity. Hence my affinity for the women." 

"What about Nick?"

"I started seeing him after my parents died. They left an Uncle with sole custody of me and he was...abusive. I was getting hurt and without any brothers around to look out for me, Nick did. But then he went from supporting me through abuse to..."

"Being the abuser..." Alicia finished her sentence. "Babe I'm so sorry."

"It's ok. I'm a lot stronger for it."

Alicia frowned. She wanted to be there for Kalinda, and making these excuses for the abuse she suffered put a wall up between them. 

"Kalinda?" a voice said as a bell rang with a ding as the door to the cantina opened. "Hi, Aubrey, I'm Will's sister?"

"Oh hey. This is Alicia, she also works with Will," Kalinda said, casually swigging her beer.

"Nice to meet you," Alicia smiled, her fake, _politician's wife_ smile. 

"Do you mind if we join you? Will and my other sister are on their way here."

"Sure, go ahead," Kalinda said, plainly, catching Alicia's eye as they both tried to finish up their beers. Aubrey seemed nothing like Will, more of a _free spirit_ type, accentuated as her mousey hair blew across her face when the door was opened to the cantina again.

" _William_ ," Kalinda nodded, embarrassing him slightly. Only Sara, who followed him in tow, ever called him that. And their Mom. "How's the food?" Will asked, looking in Alicia's direction. 

"I'll just order a few of each?" Sara asked, nodding at the tacos Kalinda was finishing and heading to the counter.

"Nothing on that stuff I got last month," Kalinda winked back at Will.

Alicia glared at her.

"Will knows my guy," she shrugged.

"You got weed?" Aubrey asked.

"At home," Kalinda nodded. "You tempted to partake Will? Now that you're _already_ disbarred?"

"I'm suspended, not disbarred."

Alicia stood up to leave. "I'd best get going."

"You sure?" Kalinda asked. "We can all go back to mine after."

"No, it's best I don't. See you tomorrow," Alicia ducked out of the door. 

She hesitated outside for a moment, before trying to flag down a cab, wrapping her scarf around her face in the late winter cold wind.

"Leesh, wait," she heard Kalinda behind her. "Why are you leaving?"

"Believe it or not, getting stoned with Will and his sister was not on my to-do list for tonight."

"I'm sorry, it was a joke that got out of hand. I get so nervous being around you around other people, I didn't want to give off the wrong vibe."

"And what _vibe_ would that be?"

"That you're the love of my life." Kalinda scrambled in a bag for a cigarette and lit one up. "Please, stay."

"It's _our_ night, Kalinda. We always spend Thursday nights together. I was not expecting to have to share you. Not at least with our boss who I was sleeping with merely moths ago." Alicia still lingered over the words _sleeping with_ in an embarrassed whisper.

"I'm sorry I should've thought about that. We have Saturday together?" Kalinda exhaled on the cigarette and passed it to Alicia, who ducked out of the streetlight's glare before taking a drag. 

"Saturday you're wanting to be shared about as well."

"Leesh, no, I told you, it's not like that. We don't have to go."

"I don't know," Alicia took another drag.

Kalinda turned on her heels abruptly, to face Alicia. "Would it be _so_ bad for Will's sisters to know about us? Like, I understand you wouldn't want to smoke, but spending some time with Will, outside of him being our boss, might help you to relax. And a smoke would proably help too."

Alicia laughed. "If my kids could see me smoking this cigarette they'd be screaming _hypocrite_ at me. You heard how Zach was, just about dating, I can't be also _sleeping with other people_ or _smoking pot with my boss slash ex._ "

"Normal _my place_ rules apply?"

"No kids, no Peter?"

Kalinda nodded, smiling as they came to their agreement.

* * *

  
"So your husband is the state's attorney, you were sleeping with Will and now you are dating Kalinda?" a drunken Aubrey asked Alicia as they climbed the stairs to Kalinda's apartment.

"Ssshh!" Kalinda giggled, "I have neighbours."

"Sorry," Aubrey replied in a shout-come-whisper.

Kalinda unlocked her door but stood in the doorway. "Ok, once we are inside, strictly no talking about work, politics, family. Everything that happens in my apartment, stays in my apartment."

"K, I'm not gonna play spin the bottle with my _sister_ ," Will said, trying to push past her. 

"You just broke a rule," Kalinda said, looking at Will sternly. "And no entry to the bedroom if your surname is Gardner," she added.

"Seriously babe I really need a pee," Alicia said, only realising afterwards that she'd called Kalinda _babe_ in front of Will. As she pushed past she gave Kalinda a quick kiss on the lips, figuring she'd crossed plenty of lines with her boss already.

"You two are cute together," Alicia heard Aubrey say to Kalinda through the bathroom door. 

"Thankyou," Kalinda said, opening the windows. "There's wine in the fridge if you guys wanna open it."

"Since when do you drink wine?" Will laughed dismissively, before realising who was in the bathroom. "Oh right, yeah."

Alicia smirked back in his direction, moving to put her arms around Kalinda from behind. "I'm gonna change, be right back."

Aubrey was attempting to pour four glasses of wine but in very uneven measures.

"I see you two have settled into each other," Will commented, taking a seat on the couch next to Kalinda who was putting together her bong. 

"Yeah, well, we spend a couple of nights together a week. Don't get time for much more than that."

"I think Alicia and I spent more time together than that," Will said, taking a sip of the wine. 

"Perks of being the boss?" Kalinda raised her eyebrows. "I mean, your suspension has meant we get a bit more time together, but we did promise we woudn't talk about that."

Alicia emerged from the bedroom, changed out of her pantsuit and into her jeans and an oversized t-shirt of Kalinda's she would wear to bed here. She handed over Kalinda's grinder and baggie of weed and sat cross-legged on the floor by Kalinda, feeling like she were in college again.

Will must have had the same idea. "I don't seem to remember you being so cool with this twenty years ago," Will laughed.

"Don't ask, don't tell, that's my motto," Alicia said, sipping the wine.

"How very Republican of you," Will said dryly.

"You need to take a shot, you talked Politics," Aubrey drawled from the counter where she was precariously balanced on a stool.

"She's not wrong," Alicia said gleefully.  
  


* * *

  
After they'd finished the bowl, Will and Kalinda were being their old selves, lounging on the sofa, it was a lot easier to get around the rules, they talked Chicago winters, Will about the shit he used to deal with in Baltimore, Aubrey her summers travelling through Peru and Bolivia, Kalinda being a kid in London. Alicia sat quiet, feeling sad she had little to add from her own experience, how _family,_ _politics,_ and then _work_ had become her entire life. Until Kalinda.

"So, tell me," Aubrey asked, her brother and Kalinda in the kitchen fixing up snacks. "What's it like, moving from _him_ to _her_."

"To be honest, I don't even know how to talk about it. I've pretty much avoided Will as much as I can since we split, aside from work-related stuff, and now I guess it's apparent that what we had was...flirtation. Lust maybe. Not like what I have with Kalinda."

"It's really brave of you coming out after doing the whole _husband, kids_ thing," Aubrey added.

"You're in dangerous territory there."

"Oh, aren't you _out_?"

"I was referring to the penalty shot of tequila, but I'll let it slide," Alicia smiled. "As a couple we're out to those who need to know, but hiding it from the press for my husband's sake. At work it's purely a _need to knowI_ basis. Just getting lunch together has been off limits until we've been working more closely on some of Will's cases recently, but long term, he and Diane try to keep our work apart."

"Understandable. It's good he's supportive of you guys though."

"Until tonight I wasn't really sure he was. After our history...which is also not public knowledge."

"I don't know how you do it. I mean, I know it's hard. Like I'm only out to Will, not Sara, not our Mom."

"You're gay?"

Aubrey nodded. "Given, it's easy when you live apart from your entire family to go on pretending, but it's not exactly ideal."

"Well if you ever wanna talk about it, get my number from Will."

"I will, Thanks."  
  


* * *

  
"I'm so sorry," Aubrey clutched her stomach, her head over the toilet in Kalinda's bathroom. "Are you sure you don't mind me crashing here?"

"It's not like we have much choice," Kalinda shrugged, clearing up the rest of the mess in the apartment since Will had now left. "The couch is a pull-out if you're ok on there? I'll find you something to puke into if you need it."

"Thankyou, I really do appreciate it," she said, emerging from the bathroom, hair in the same plait that Alicia put Kalinda's hair into for bed after a shower.

"Why did Will leave?" Alicia asked Kalinda, taking the empties to the counter. 

"Probably a little too high to remember he should take his sister with him," Kalinda laughed. "It was a strong strain if you don't smoke it often."

"Yeah, enough for me just being in the room," Alicia smiled. "It was nice to see you two hanging out, as friends, without any awkwardness."

"It was like old times," Kalinda smiled, "before you were on either of our scenes. You know, we used to place bets on who could get you into bed first. I still hate that he won."

"But you could say that you win," Alicia said, moving closer to Kalinda so the tips of their noses met. "Seeing as we're _endgame_ , is that what the kids call it?"

"I have no idea," Kalinda laughed. 

They headed to bed, happy just to unwind, Alicia resuming her usual big spoon position.

"Did Will ever tell you his sister was gay?" Alicia asked.

"No, but I guessed. Why?"

"Will never said anything."

"Will never even acknowledges his family exist until they rock up to stay with him like they have now."

"I feel like, maybe she needs support. Like I have you, but if I were single and coming to terms with being gay I...don't know where I would turn."

"Do you like her?"

"Well she's Will's sister."

"No, I mean, do you _like_ her?"

"Not like that. What are you getting at?"

"I can see if Lana will invite her on Saturday? She said _open invitation_."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess I just saw Meritt and Archie in Run and I liked it.


	18. Too Close for Comfort

* * *

“Good morning,” Kalinda whispered as Alicia was stirring. 

“Morning,” she smiled, eyes yawning. 

”I thought we might take that shower,” Kalinda raised her eyebrows. 

”Can I wake up first?” Alicia laughed and turned to look at her clock which was showing 7.15. She was in awe of Kalinda even being conscious at this hour. “What makes you so sprightly today? Do our plans for this evening have anything to do with that?”

”I’m excited," she smiled. Aren’t you?”

”More nervous than excited.”

Kalinda sat up and took Alicia’s hands. “Well...ball is entirely in your court.”

”I know.” Alicia sat up to kiss Kalinda, who’s soft hands were already exploring her girlfriend’s arms, then her breasts.

”I love how perky they are when you wake up,” Kalinda said, putting her hands up Alicia’s shirt.

”Maybe if your hands weren’t so cold,” Alicia glared back, playfully. ”So what did you have in mind for this morning.”

”We’ll just see how we go,” Kalinda smiled. She rummaged around In her bag and grabbed a couple of toys, notably the harness and a few dildos, and the lube.

“I can’t believe you brought all that with you,” Alicia whispered, taking Kalinda through to her en suite. “What if the kids saw?”

”They wouldn’t go through my stuff. Besides, they’re more at risk of hearing you, whether we were to use anything or not.”

Alicia gave her a look of playful indignation, making Kalinda’s smile widen as she closed the door with her back. She’d made allusion to how loud Alicia could be when she was pleasured, and Kalinda herself wore it as a badge of honour.

Alicia raised her eyebrows, prompting her girlfriend to lock the door as well. She began undressing, Kalinda trying to move to her knees before Alicia stopped her, moving to her own knees to remove Kalinda’s panties. 

“I thought this morning was for you,” Kalinda whispered as Alicia began stroking her labia and kissing her folds. 

“I thought I get to decide what I want to do. Stay there,” Alicia whispered into her ear, taking the shower head down and turning the dial. The water was warm, but not hot; ideal. She let it run a little as she climbed back out of the cubicle and onto her knees, carrying on playing with her girlfriend where she’d left off. As she continued to seduce her lover’s vulva, teasing with her tongue, she took her finger and ran circles around the rim of Kalinda’s anus, waiting to feel her body invite her in before she tentatively pushed inside. 

“Is that ok?”

“More,” Kalinda moaned. Alicia added a second finger, but the angle made it difficult to manoeuvre. Kalinda still whined for more and before she knew it, Alicia had four fingers inside her. The soft, spongy tissue was unlike anything she had felt before, so she didn’t want to push too hard.

“Fuck me,” Kalinda almost squealed, nearly squatting as she held herself up by merely pushing her back against the door. Alicia began to penetrate deeper with her fingers. 

“Hmmmm,” Kalinda moaned. 

“What else do you want?”

“I want you Alicia.”

“You got me,” Alicia whispered into her ear.

“Will you...eat me. My ass I mean.” 

“Can we move into the shower?”

“Sure, are you ok?”

“Yeah,” Alicia slowly withdrew her fingers, standing up to remove her own panties.

They kissed in front of the mirror for some time, Alicia struggling not to watch their reflection as her breasts rubbed against Kalinda, and Kalinda’s hands wandered down her body.

“We are so hot,” Kalinda whispered. 

“Stop it,” Alicia laughed and squeezed her lover’s hips. “Now if you’ll join me,” she whispered, “I am going to take you into the shower, rinse you down, fuck you in the ass and make you come.”

Seconds after the two of them stepped into the shower, Kalinda began to moan, grunting between cries and ‘fuck’s as her girlfriend moved to her knees and ran her pinkie around the rim of Kalinda’s anus before leaning forward to trace the same pattern with her tongue.

“Mmmmm,” Kalinda hummed, “you’re good at this.”

Alicia’s mind flipped between trying to concentrate on what she was doing and trying not to think about it too much. As she lapped her lips and tongue over her lover. She dipped her index and middle fingers in and out of her rim, reactive to her breathing and moans.

Alicia reached her hand around Kalinda’s front, who propped up her foot on a side ledge of the shower. Struggling to reach while she was on her knees, Alicia stood up for a second, shushing Kalinda who moaned for her to get back to it. 

”Be patient,” she whispered, taking the shower head off the hook. Back on her knees she spread Kalinda’s butt cheeks, running the high pressure water down her crack, before delving straight back in with her tongue. Alicia passed her the shower head, letting Kalinda do what she needed to.

Kalinda came within seconds.  
  


* * *

  
“This shower alone is why you need to buy this apartment,” Kalinda joked, putting her underwear back on, “we could have an orgy in here sometime.”

“Ok, it’s big but it isn’t that big. I’d say four people, max.”

“Wow, someone’s getting into character,“ Kalinda laughed. 

”For tonight? I suppose I am.”

"You're sure? You know I did mean it when I said you can change your mind, anytime."

"I know." Alicia kissed Kalinda’s nose then went into the bedroom and began to put some of Kalinda's stuff back in her bag. She couldn't help but delve a little further into the bag's contents, to see what Kalinda was planning on wearing that evening, as Alicia herself had no idea. 

Kalinda appeared at the door, "What are you looking for?"

"Nothing in particular..." Alicia said, as Kalinda ran to grab her. "You didn't tell me there were...dilators in here."

"How do you even know what a dilator is?"

"I've not done anal before, I don't live under a rock."

”So now you’ve explored my every orifice are you less frightened for me to do the same?”

"I was never frightened, I just didn't see what was good about it, before."

"Before? So you see now?"

"Yeah, I guess." Alicia pressed her face against Kalinda's and they kissed. "Although it's not what I expected."

"What did you expect?"

Alicia held up one of Kalinda's toys. 

"We can do that too?" Kalinda laughed.

Alicia sat back on the bed. "In all seriousness, though, would it be worth...exploring, before tonight? I don't wanna be unprepared."

"What are you planning on doing?"

"I could ask you the same thing!"

Kalinda's face flushed.

"What?"

"There is something I've wanted to try. And if I can get your blessing it would be nice to maybe do it tonight."

"Why would you need my blessing?"

"Well we would need someone else to join in. Providing you want in."

"I'd need to know what it is first."

"DP. Double Penetration."

"So like two strap-ons at once?"

"One in each..."

"Wow," Alicia interrupted. "You are a horny little bitch aren't you."

"Like you ever thought any differently of me."

Alicia laughed. "Babe, I'm happy if you are. I just don't quite foresee how it's gonna work, without feeling like we're on a porn set."

"It just falls into place, try not to stress too much. And Lana's a great host." 

"Great..how? Do you want to sleep with her?"

"I've slept with her plenty, babe. What I want is to show off my new woman."

"And how are you gonna do that?"

"Put her in a nice dress, sexy undies, maybe we could try one of these out?" Kalinda nodded towards the dilators. "I was gonna wear one today anyway."

"You were?"

"Yeah, get me warmed up for tonight. Do you want to try?"

Alicia closed her eyes, nodding slowly.   
  


* * *

  
"Will called, he asked if we'd pick up Aubrey."

"Wait, _Will_ knows about this party?"

"She assured me he doesn't know what kinda of party it is, just that we're going too."

"Ok, well, let's go." As they climbed into Kalinda's car Alicia pulled down the sun visor to check her make-up in the mirror.

"You needn't have worn so much," Kalinda laughed, squeezing Alicia's leg as she put the car into drive. 

"You wear that stuff to bed," Alicia laughed. "Are you gonna be ok driving us home?"

"Yeah, I prefer to do this stuff sober."

"Oh, why is that different to when we're together?"

"Drinking has usually been for your benefit, not mine. Besides, I want you to know that at any point if you want to leave or change your mind, we can go. Don't even have to wait for a cab."

"I appreciate that," she said, squeezing Kalinda's leg back.

* * *

  
As Kalinda, Alicia and Aubrey arrived at Lana's she met them at the door. "Hey," she smiled, kissing Kalinda on her cheek.

"I don't believe you've met...?"

"Mrs. Florrick? No. I'm shocked, to say the least."

"Please, it's Alicia. And if anyone asks, I wasn't here."

"No of course, Kalinda let me know. Hi, you must be Aubrey? I'm Lana."

"Yeah, hi, thank-you so much for the invitation."

"Pleasure's all of ours I'm sure," Lana smiled mischievously. "Come on in, I'll give you the tour."

There were a couple of girls drinking wine in the kitchen, _Alicia's new best friends,_ Kalinda thought to herself. 

"So, for the newcomers, Kitchen for drinks, please don't take any drinks through to the lounge with you. This space is just to hang out, drink, socialise, nothing naughty, ok?"

"Gotcha," Aubrey said. Alicia stood quietly still until Kalinda grabbed her hand as they followed Lana through to her lounge.

The living room had cream carpets, so understandable there was the rule about drinks staying in the kitchen. 

"This space is public domain, so anything you do will be in front of others, voyeurism is encouraged but do always ask before joining in."

Alicia half expected that to have been a joke, until she noticed a pile of toys in one corner, accompanied by condoms and bottles of lube. 

"Bathroom is down the hall to your left, please keep it for just _using the bathroom_ as there's only one. There are two bedrooms too, which you are welcome to use if you want a bit of privacy at any point. Door closed means no entry, please respect others' privacy and they'l respect yours. Otherwise, I think that's everything?"

Kalinda nodded. "Thanks, Lana," she smiled, and Lana kissed her cheek. Alicia half expected there to still be something between the two of them, but felt a closeness, or was it mutual possessiveness between them, as Kalinda hadn’t yet let go of her hand. With Kalinda on her arm, and spending time with her _sexually_ , which they had never done outside of work (a quickie here or there) or at home, it made her feel important, and a lot less nervous at this party than if she’d shown up alone.

"Please, make yourselves at home," Lana smiled.

Alicia looked over to Aubrey who was awkwardly sitting alone. “You ok?” she mouthed to her, and Aubrey nodded.

”I’m gonna go have a drink if you don’t mind?” Alicia asked Kalinda.

”Of course not,” Kalinda smiled, brushing Alicia’s hair out of her face before kissing her.

Alicia poured a glass of white wine for her and Aubrey, passing her a glass as she sat down. “Hope you’re not still hanging too hard.”

”Oh no, I’m good,” Aubrey smiled. “Thanks again for bringing me tonight.”

”Oh that’s no trouble at all. I was a little concerned when Will called but it’s nice to have another familiar face here.”

”Oh, don’t worry about him, he’s oblivious to any sexual activity that he’s not in the center of.”

”It’s funny you say that...I can’t say I’ve noticed it before but that is so true.”

“He probably thinks I’m still a Virgin.”

”He knows first hand that I’m not.”

Aubrey nearly spilled her drink. “Oh my gosh, I forgot. Are you sure you don’t mind me being here?”

”Nah, it’s fine. There are people worse histories of working through members of the same family."

"We can keep ourselves...separate if that's better?"

"I don't really know what Kalinda has in mind. I've not done this before, so I don't entirely know what I'm doing. Will be nice to have a friendly face around," Alicia smiled. 

"Is Kalinda your first relationship with a woman?"

Alicia nodded. "Beyond whatever I did after a few drinks during high school and college. I'm sure you think I'm in way above my depth here." 

"No, I'm not exactly...experienced. I don't have colleagues of mine queuing up to fuck me."

Alicia's face flushed red.

"I'm sorry, that was harsh. Just I guess, if I were you, I'd only have the one option. The girl."

"Or the one that isn't your brother."

"That too."

"You know, Will broke things off with me."

"Really?"

"It was causing trouble at work. Being my boss and everything didn't exactly scream _ethical_."

"Sure. You guys have something really good though, you and Kalinda I mean. I look at you together and it's like, everything I want from a woman."  
  


* * *

  
While they sat talking to Aubrey, Kalinda was showing her usual signs of what usually meant she wanted to retreat to the bedroom. Sitting on her lap, playing with Alicia's hair. 

"What are you doing?" Alicia asked Kalinda the moment that Aubrey had left them alone, Kalinda climbed onto the counter, refilling Alicia's glass of Sauvignon Blanc.

"Asserting our status as a power couple," Kalinda kissed Alicia, wrapping her legs around her, her heels clicking together behind Alicia's hips, Alicia held a towering Kalinda the only way she could, her hands grasping her tiny waist.

"You want us to be the first to...?"

"It's always awkward until someone takes the first plunge," Kalinda smiled seductively, using _that_ look that Alicia found hard to resist. "I know nobody has started to use the lounge yet so we can go find a room if you prefer?"

Alicia looked around, trying to judge the prejudgements, if any, of the other attendees. A couple of them were sipping whiskey at the dining table, Lana hovering near the door sipping wine while talking to another, the most contact she was making a subtle stroke up her friend's arm.

"We really should move from here," Alicia whispered between heavy breaths. "We're nearly breaking Lana's first rule." Steadying herself on her stool, Alicia smiled and looked up into Kalinda's eyes.

"Are you hoping she'll come punish you for breaking the rules," Kalinda laughed, climbing down from the counter and taking Alicia's hand.

"No, I don't want your ex to discipline me, believe it or not. I'll go use the bathroom before we do anything," she whispered, taking a deep breath before standing up, steadying herself as her wine had gone to her head, and pulling her dress down, nervous as if it were obvious what she had tucked away beneath it.

As she walked back she noticed a few more people had arrived and the guests spilled over into the lounge. Kalinda sat on the arm of a sofa that was occupied by two women they were yet to meet a couple of seats away. As Alicia sat next to her girlfriend they kissed, her hands awkwardly lingering until Kalinda started to pull down Alicia's dress and her hands moved to assist. She felt the air make contact with her naked skin as Kalinda pulled the dress down below her breasts, as she had worn it with no bra, intentionally, as Kalinda began alternating between sucking on her nipples and kissing her. Alicia relished in the pleasure of each sensation, closing her eyes and letting her head fall back.

"So, which position do you suppose will be most flattering for me," Alicia whispered, pulling Kalinda's dress up, discovering she neither had worn underwear, albeit panties in her case. 

"You look beautiful whatever we do," she whispered. 

Alicia felt eyes around the room on her as she shuffled down the sofa, struggling to take the compliment now being accentuated by Kalinda's soft thighs closing in on her face. She reached with her index and forefingers, rushing over her lover's core, watching her lover melt above her before she took the plunge.  
  


* * *

. 

After she came, Kalinda removed her dress entirely, bravely taking the position at the party as the first to go about socialising while naked. 

"Thanks for getting the party started," Lana slurred, lowering her face to Kalinda's ear. "Are you guys open to others joining in at all?"

"Maybe later," Kalinda whispered. "You do know I've moved on from you?"

"Of course, you're dating Mrs. State's Attorney."

"And you promised you won't let that become public knowledge."

"I know. I miss you, though, K."

"Ok, this was a bad idea." Kalinda found her dress and began redressing, joining Alicia who was now onto the liquor, far more debaucherous activity underway merely feet from them in the next room.

"Kalinda, I didn't mean."

"I don't care what you meant Lana, but we agreed, if Alicia and I came here, we were to be treated like anyone else."

"K, please."

"I think we should go, Lana."

"What's the matter babe?" Alicia asked, placing her hands on her shoulders, an unlit cigarette in her hand. 

"I'm not comfortable, Lana...is being a bit too close for comfort." Kalinda took the cigarette from Alicia and began putting on her jacket, clearly making a move to leave.

"Are you sure?" Alicia asked, struggling to hold her liquor. "I mean if you two just need to get it out of your system, go ahead." She took the cigarette back, placing it between her lips as if not to realise it wasn't alight.

"Babe no, we agreed beforehand, nothing without the other." Kalinda snatched the cigarette back.

"I know, but I'm clearly beyond doing much else," she shrugged, laughing.

"Let's get you home."

"I don't want to go home. I want to have sex with my girlfriend."

"We can go back to mine, sleep it off a short while, and see how you're feeling after that."

"That seems sensible," Alicia smiled. "Aubrey, we're going back to Kalinda's."

"Already?"

"Yeah, sorry. 

"Ok, um, I'll see you guys soon?"

"Invite her back..." Kalinda muttered.

"Sorry?"

"Do you want to...join us? I mean, I know you're Will's sister, and this might be completely beyond what you were expecting out of tonight, but we were hoping to enjoy some time with other people, and well...we haven't."

"Ok, sure."

"Right, ok, let's get going."


	19. Open Relationship

As soon as they arrived back at Kalinda's apartment she went to her liquor cabinet, running her fingers along the various bottles of spirits; tequila, rum, bourbon.

"Mmm," Alicia hummed in Kalinda's ear as she reached for the bourbon. "My favourite."

"I thought tequila was your favourite?" Kalinda whispered back.

"Tequila is _our_ _thing_ , bourbon is _my_ _favourite."_

Kalinda relaxed into Alicia's arms breathing in her scent, now tainted by tobacco and whatever she'd been drinking at Lana's party. 

"I don't have to be here," Aubrey muttered, sitting opposite as both Kalinda and Alicia swigged on the bottle of whiskey. They looked up. as if having forgotten she was there.

After a moment's hesitation, Kalinda held out the bottle to her.  
  


* * *

The three women spread a out on the living room floor, sharing the liquor bottle as well as a few kisses between them.

"How much longer are you in town?" Kalinda asked Aubrey, sitting on her lap. Alicia sat behind running her fingers through Aubrey's hair.

"Just until Tuesday. Will and I have had plenty of time to _jam_ together, but at some point I have to get back to the daily grind."

"So we just have tonight?" Kalinda asked.

Aubrey nodded. "Honestly though, anything you guys would like me to do I'm more than happy with."

"You don't wanna be the centre of attention for a while?" Kalinda put on her best seductive look. 

"I mean, I saw you guys at the party, and wow." Aubrey blushed. "I wouldn't say no to being...in the middle of you guys."

"Let's take a shower," Alicia suggested, knowing she could do with waking up herself. She headed to the bathroom and jumped into the shower she left running on cold.

"Wow," Aubrey said, climbing into the shower behind her. 

"You can touch me, Gardner," Alicia laughed, feeling Aubrey's hands awkwardly lingering around her chest.

Kalinda came to join them just as Aubrey's hands rubbed over Alicia's breasts, squeezing her frozen nipples. "Can you turn the heat up a bit? It's freezing."

"Hmmmm...sure," Alicia said, turning both the dial and to face Aubrey.

"But we're here to warm you up."

Unsure if its the rehearsal earlier in the day with Kalinda, or now being comfortable with the idea of Aubrey seeing her naked - it was far less intimidating a situation than she'd experienced earlier that night. Alicia was enjoying their making love to her, caressing Aubrey's body from around the back of her while also supporting her weight by holding her other hand.

"Ohh that's good," Aubrey moaned, as Kalinda went to town around the front, grasping Kalinda's hair, her fingers scoring a painful scratch on her scalp,

Kalinda's mouth lapped over Aubrey's clitoris, two fingers pumping into her, the sore red lines of pain under her hair spurring her onward.

"That's really good," Aubrey whined. "Fuck, I'm cumming."

Alicia kissed Aubrey up her spine as Kalinda teased the remnants of her orgasm from her.

"Oh my God that was amazing," Aubrey shivered.

Kalinda reached up and kissed her, lacing her fingers with Alicia's.

Alicia rested her head on Aubrey's shoulder. "You wanna do anything else?"

"I'm good," Aubrey said between breaths. "Can we just like, cuddle for a while?"

Alicia smiled, "you and your brother are nothing alike," she rubbed her nose against Aubrey's as Kalinda wrapped them in a soft bath sheet.

"There isn't much room for three," Kalinda whispered, leading through to the bedroom.

"Just enough," Alicia smiled, climbing onto the bed. "Man it's _late_ ," she said, looking at the watch on Kalinda's nightstand.

"Did you guys have something else in mind?" Aubrey asked, sitting next to Alicia, Kalinda lying in front of the two of them. 

"It can wait until morning. Unless you're in a rush to leave?"

"No, not at all."  
  


* * *

  
Alicia awoke to Kalinda's naked body draped across the bed, and covered her dignity before stepping out into the kitchen, although doing so felt mostly futile.

"Morning," Alicia whispered to Aubrey, who was making coffee.

"Morning. Sorry, I'm not one to sleep in."

"That's ok, just hope you don't think we're terrible hosts. Did you get enough sleep"

Aubrey nodded "Now how could I think that?" she laughed, raised her eyebrows as she sipped her coffee. "Thankyou, again, for the invitation. I'm not the most...experienced, sexually, and it means a lot to know you guys found me attractive enough to want to bring me back here. And that you trust me with your...secrets."

"Honestly, I sometimes forget who we're even hiding from," Alicia laughed, taking a mug and pouring some coffee for herself. "As long as you didn't find it too weird sleeping with...your brother's ex."

"I never knew you two together so I don't see you as anything other than his friend, colleague even. I just...I'm jealous, if anything. Like I can't imagine finding with someone what you guys have with each other."

"Well it didn't come easy," Alicia smiled. "You'll find it. And even if it's not the right person at first, trial and error never killed anyone."

"How do you..." Aubrey began. She couldn't quite get the words out. "Do you not get jealous? Having sex with other people."

"Well, last night was the first time we've done it since we've been together. My first time at all."

"Your first was me?"

Alicia nodded. "Kalinda is more into it than I am, or at least she was before we got together. But we sought compromise, and I think it works. If you'd asked me a month or so ago if I'd be having threesome or sex in front of others I would not have believed you, and there I did both in one night."

"You do enjoy it though?"

Alicia nodded. "Oh yeah. I mean, Kalinda gets something deeper out of it and I love her so I'm open to trying it out. But if I didn't want to that would be fine too. We just...encourage, trust and comfort each other."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short one as I'm currently rewatching some episodes to get back into the flow.


	20. In the open

Getting back into work mode, leaving Kalinda's apartment at different times so they weren't spotted traveling in together, avoiding Will's eye contact...many things were getting to Alicia this morning. While she'd loved the _majority_ of the previous night - of course not including whatever Lana and Kalinda had been fighting over - it left Alicia feeling disoriented. Especially as she hadn't been home to sort herself out since Kalinda's. There was something about spending the night elsewhere that gave Alicia a nervous twitch for the rest of the day.

The fact that her main meeting of the morning was with Kalinda wasn't helping either.

"I'm not sure.”

"You're not... sure?”

"I don't know how to answer.”

“Kalinda, the IRS is investigating you!”

"I don't mean to be guarded.”

"We don't have secrets from each other."

“I know, but you're here asking as my lawyer, not as my girlfriend."

"What do you have to hide from me as your lawyer?

"I don't want to get you into trouble.”

"Why would I get into trouble?"

“Because you'll probably leave here with a motive to murder either your husband or mine."

"Why? What does this have to do with them?"

"Freelance work I've done in the past...I didn't cash the cheques because I didn't want to be traced to either of them. To protect you as much as me."

"This money will help you, a lot, Kalinda. You can cash the one from the State Attorney's office i'm sure. Sooner rather than later would be best."

"You're sure?"

Alicia nodded. "I still don't know why this would interest the IRS."

"Me neither."  
  


* * *

  
After lunch Alicia accompanied Kalinda to the IRS offices where they continued to ask series of tedious questions she had already answered in some form or another. Kalinda was mentally taking a shot every time the words _check_ or _freelancer_ were uttered, also distracted by the fact that Alicia was clearly uncomfortable wearing last night's underwear. Kalinda gave a quick squeeze of the knee under the table as a signal to wrap things up and leave.

They got up and left but Kalinda stopped once they stepped outside the door. Despite having appeared to barely pay any attention, she evidently never switched off from her role as investigator.

“They had a webcam on. Someone was watching me for something. watching us.”

Kalinda waited outside as Alicia stormed back inside and yelled at the computer.

"Stop playing through intermediaries."

She loved the effect she'd had on her.

* * *

  
Alicia's hope to escape early in the afternoon so she could get back before the kids was short lived. 

“There’s someone from the FBI to see you,” Alicia’s assistant said at the end of the phone.

 _The FBI,_ Alicia thought to herself. "Send them over."

“Lana?” Alicia's voice trembled with nerves as she saw her approach her office. “W-what are you doing here?”

“You asked me here.”

“I did?” Alicia said, confused.

“You told me to stop playing through intermediaries."

“Lana, I think you should call ahead first, in future. I've had a very busy day.”

“Come on, Alicia, we’re friends, aren’t we? Can't friends just show up without an appointment?" Lana wandered around the office, looking at pictures of Zach and Grace and other items on Alicia's desk.

“Do friends turn other friends into the IRS?”

“I didn’t turn Kalinda in.”

“Then what were they feeding to you?”

“You’re playing with fire, Alicia.”

“I’m playing with fire? What about _your_ behaviour on Saturday night.” 

“What do you mean _my_ _behaviour_?”

“You know damn well that Kalinda and I are in a committed relationship.”

“She deserves better.”

“Better than what? Better than me?"

“You’re making her stay in the closet.”

“She is far from in the closet, Lana. Have you forgotten that she and I had sex in front of you all on Saturday?” Alicia lowered her voice, not that anyone would hear her.

“Oh I haven't forgotten, Alicia. Tell me, is that what a committed relationship looks like?”

“I don’t know Lana, why don’t you tell me when you have it all worked out.” Alicia did not understand where Lana was coming from. Why would anyone host sex parties and then turn up to criticise those who partake? 

“You clearly have it all worked out, don’t you? Apart from that tiny issue of being a politician’s wife.” Lana clearly had nothing to lose.

Alicia sat at her desk and put her head in her hands. “She told me we could trust you. What kind of lesbian would do this to other queer women? What kind of woman would do this to any other woman?”

“Do what?” Lana said, rolling her eyes, moving towards the door.

“You’re telling me this isn’t a threat. You're going to out me?”

Lana smirked as she left Alicia’s office, Alicia shaking as she dialled Kalinda in her phone. 

“Babe? We may have a problem.”  
  


* * *

  
Kalinda made her call to Lana while she walked back to her apartment, not wanting anyone at work to overhear. “You wanted to get my attention? You got it. What do you want/" 

"I’m working, Kalinda. Let's have dinner, then we can talk," Lana purred down the phone.

“No, let's talk now. You know I'm with Alicia.” 

"Yeah, isn't she doing a great job as your lawyer?"

"She is. Lana, you said you respected our privacy, our relationship."

“I feel you retracted that the second the two of you got naked in my living room.”

“Why even invite me and my girlfriend if you’re going to get jealous.” 

“Like you never used to get jealous, Kalinda. Anyway, _you_ said I could join you but you left before fucking me hows that supposed to make me feel?"

"Was that the only reason you wanted us there?!”

“You should be flattered, I’ve missed you.”

“What is this? Some depraved attempt to get me back? There’s a reason we never worked out, Lana, I'd have fucked every other woman there before it was down to you.”

Kalinda was about to hang up, thankful she still had a trick up her sleeve if she needed it.

“I still have that job offer to join me at the FBI."

"Lana I will not be joining you at your _Fuck Buddy Institute_.”

"If you did, you could keep your girlfriend as your girlfriend and not have her fighting your legal battles for you."

"Alicia is a good lawyer. Even if I ever were ever to leave Lockhart/Gardner I wouldn't want anyone else to represent me. Like you'd be happy for me to keep seeing her either way, you clearly aren't happy unless I'm not."

"It's only a matter of time until people find out about you two."

"We can manage, anyone who needs to know already does."

“That will change.”

“Are you threatening me?”

"Merely warning you about the consequences of your illicit affair."

"Perhaps I should warn you of the consequences of dealing cocaine at your house parties when you’re a federal agent. We wouldn’t want your habit becoming public either, would we?""

"Kalinda what are you talking about? Look, if you work for us we won't be investigating you. And it was a...former habit."

"So you sell it but don't use?"

"Not anymore."

“And that's an admission." Kalinda took her phone from her ear and stopped recording their call.

"Ok. Truce."

As Kalinda arrived at her apartment Lana was sitting on the stoop. As she hung up her phone, she stood up and left without turning to look back. 

Pouring herself a bourbon and looking out of her apartment window to make sure Lana was well and truly gone, Kalinda called her girlfriend. “Hi, Alicia, it’s me. I don’t think we need to worry about Lana. But if you’re still thinking of going public, well, it's probably for the best. And I’m with you all the way, babe.”  
  
  


* * *

Lockhart/Gardner was not exactly Alicia’s preferred location for this meeting, but it _was_ where Eli was based. They were meeting at 7pm, away from the prying eyes of the _David Lee_ s of the office who were first out of the door at 4pm most Fridays. Alicia began packing her office, figuring that once Eli was back on the campaign trail he wouldn’t be taking up the office, nor would she be needed as his liaison, leaving her to be moved back to share with the other third years.

At five to seven Alicia expected Kalinda to be the first one up, so waited for her by the lifts, impressed she didn’t resort to going outside for a cigarette to help with the nerves. 

“Hi,” Alicia smiled at Will, anxiously as the elevator doors opened to reveal the two men.

“Hi. Look who I found,” Will said, exiting the elevator with Peter.

“Hi,” Peter kissed her on the cheek. “Why don’t you show me this office of yours?”

“Eli will be here any minute.”

“That’s ok, he can wait.” Peter followed Alicia to her office.

“It’s amazing what you’ve done in three years.”

“Thanks.”

“Why are you packing?”

“I figured Eli won’t be here much longer, they'll be sending me back to be in the pen with my peers.”

“How are things going, with the two of you?”

“Me and Eli?”`

“You and your lady.”

Alicia couldn’t help but smile at Peter’s charm. “We’re really good. Just all of the sneaking around and hiding…it’s getting a bit difficult to manage.”

“I understand. Especially as you work together.”

“If anything, that’s the easiest part,” Alicia sighed.

“You’ve started smoking again,” he said, noticing the pack on her desk.

“I never stopped. That used to be what I was hiding from you. What was it that had _you_ sneaking around?" 

“Sorry I was out on a job,” Kalinda said, walking into the office. “Oh, hi Peter.”

“Hi Kalinda. Is Eli here?”

Kalinda nodded and the three of them headed to Eli’s office.

He nodded at each of them. “Alicia, you need to come out.”

“What?”

“If you come out...as gay, this remains a positive story. You’re happy, Peter’s supportive…” Eli handed a speech to Kalinda, Alicia and Peter, and they all began to flick through it. “...it even begins to explain some of his indiscretions.”

"Eli, I'm not gay. And we all know that _that_ was not the reason Peter was in trouble. Let’s not try to kid the electorate too.”

“It would also help if the kids were there when you make your statement.”

“We agreed, Eli, the kids don’t get involved,” Peter reminded him.

“Can we at least have them _present_. If they’re not there it sounds like anything that is said about your family being supportive is a bare faced lie.”

“More than half of this speech is lies anyway!” Alicia rested her copy on the desk and struck a line through entire sentences. “I am _not_ a lesbian, it has _not_ been a long time coming, and I am _not_ apologetic for leaving my husband!”

“Why do we need a speech anyway!? Is there not a more subtle way for this to be announced other than at a press conference?” Kalinda said.

“They’re expecting the press conference to be announcing my gubernatorial candidacy, not outing my wife as a lesbian,” Peter added.

“I am _not_ a lesbian.”

“Any ideas?” Eli asked.

“I don’t know, magazine interview, social media post?” Kalinda suggested.

“If we do that, then when Peter does announce he’ll be asked the questions that everyone wishes they could’ve asked Alicia,” Eli said. "We need to answer any questions people may have so they get it out of their systems." 

“But I’m not coming out as a lesbian. There’s no _with Peter I was living a lie_ , I was merely in a relationship with him, we separated after he cheated on me, now I happen to be in a relationship with a woman.” Alicia smiled at Kalinda who blushed.

“Why don’t we have Alicia release a statement on social media, she can interact with a few responses…” Eli suggested.

Alicia cringed at the thought.

“What does that mean?” Peter asked, confused.

“It means Alicia Florrick is joining twitter,” Eli muttered under his breath.

“Absolutely not," Alicia said. "Magazine article might actually be the best option. Surely one of your contacts will be able to help, Eli?”

"I'll ask around."

"Good." Alicia stood up to leave, tilting her head suggesting for Kalinda to leave with her. "So we don't have to worry about Lana?" She walked at a brisk pace to make sure there was no chance of Peter or Eli trailing them too closely and eavesdropping on them.

"Well, we might have to go looking elsewhere if you want to do...what we did last Saturday, again."

Alicia took Kalinda by the hand into the elevator, pressing to go down to the parking garage. "You know that's much more your thing than mine. I'm more than happy just to cuddle and watch a movie. I mean, don't get me wrong, it was amazing, and what we did with Aubrey was, _wow_. I'm just...shy."

"You are not shy."

"When it comes to sex I am."

"You've been very out there when we've been together."

"I know, but I need to know I can trust all parties involved, and well...I don't think I can."

"If you're talking about Lana, yes, she has made that abundantly clear. I just want to make sure that you know that _you_ are the girl of my dreams, I don't _need_ anyone else."

"But I don't expect you to change your... _lifestyle_ for me."

"I can't ask you to do that either. If that stuff is too much I understand." As the elevator arrived on the underground floor Kalinda caressed Alicia's ear, tucking her hair behind it.

"I'm also concerned as to what attention the publicity will draw to us. Like those other girls who saw us might...start crawling out of the woodwork."

"The other girls at Lana's all have far too much to lose, you don't mention them, they won't mention you."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive. Now don't you have the kids tonight?"

"Yeah, _Jackie_ is with them right now. I suppose she's the next person I need to come out to."

"I can come with you? Would that help?"

"Yes, it would." 


	21. Closer to God

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> more smut, sorry

_Jackie already knew._ Alicia slammed the door behind her as she and her kids returned to their apartment. _Of course she did, she knew everything._

“I didn’t tell her,” Grace insisted, reading her Mom's mind as she poured out some cereal, Zach slamming the door to his room as he disappeared behind it. 

"Same some for breakfast," Alicia said, tidying back up as Grace snacked on Cheerios. "You don't have long before you're heading back out."

“It must have been Dad,” she said, snapping the hoops between her teeth.

”No. Well, he won't have _told_ her. She’ll undoubtedly have been listening in when he talks to Eli,” Alicia said, rolling her eyes, taking out a wine glass for herself. 

”Why does Mr. Gold know?” Grace asked.

”We’re working on getting the news out. So it doesn’t damage your Dad’s run for Governor.”

Grace nodded.

”Anyway, I need to get some things done for work, Zach is driving you. I’m have Kalinda coming and staying tonight so make sure you have everything for staying at your Dad’s now,” she raised her voice so that Zach also could hear her. “I don’t want anyone coming back here.”

“I won’t make that mistake again,” Grace muttered.

"Mom, I have to come back. I'm going to Nisa's to work on her Science project and then coming home, it'll be too far to drive to Dad's."

"No you're not," Alicia said, raising her eyebrows.

"What? I asked you about it."

"Thursdays are with your Dad."

"He doesn't mind, I checked."

"And your Dad can get Grace to school?"

Zach nodded.

"Fine. But don't you dare show up here before ten."  
  


* * *

  
Alicia was looking forward to their evening together, as the last week or so had been overshadowed by the many issues that had since arisen, primarily those surrounding Lana’s party and subsequent threats. She had missed quality time with her lover.

This evening, when Kalinda made love, the lawyer fell into total submission.

"There's something ironically _freeing_ about being tied up," Kalinda laughed, as she knotted and tied Alicia's wrists without needing to look. "I promise, you're safe here."

"I know," Alicia hummed, biting her lip. 

"Does that hurt?" Kalinda asked, tightening the slack around Alicia's left wrist. 

Alicia shook her head. "I didn't think we would be able to go...any further than we've already been."

"You're talking about the party." It wasn't really a question.

Alicia nodded. 

"When are the kids home?"

"Zach will be by after Ten," Alicia whispered, looking at the clock on the bedside table. It read 19:38.

"Ok," Kalinda whispered, getting up from the bed and going to open the bedroom door. Wide open.

"I want to hear you," Kalinda smiled, seductively, the way that always made Alicia feel delirious before she started to do multiple things to her body, ready to wield her power and control over Alicia in her uncontrollable state.

Alicia let out a small whimper as Kalinda began to brush her feet, her calves, her thighs.

"We're not acting, Alicia, this is real. I want to hear how you _really_ feel."

Alicia blushed. For her, sex had always been some sort of facade, not a performance. Even with Will, she'd felt like the she was merely the audience for his show, as he put in all the work, held her in the difficult positions, worked up a sweat, Alicia herself only required to show her appreciation at the end of him playing _his_ part, by either reaching orgasm or swallowing his cum. With Kalinda things had changed drastically, Alicia herself became the star of the show; Kalinda putting herself in every supporting position she could to coax the pleasure out of her Girlfriend, taking pleasure in watching her. Alicia couldn't have counted how many orgasms she'd received from her lover if she tried, more than she'd received during her entire marriage with Peter for certain. Kalinda always put her front and centre. Alicia would have to convince Kalinda to let her have her turn.

"Are you not closing the door?" Alicia whispered.

"No," Kalinda smiled again, beginning to tie Alicia's feet. 

"So we only have two hours realistically, to be safe..."

"We have plenty of time, babe."

Alicia wanted to say _please no,_ don't tempt misfortune, as though she didn't have the courage to explore this side of her in what was her _family home._ She'd only initially agreed to do any of this in her apartment as Kalinda's furniture wasn't quite up to what she deemed to-standard, most likely a deliberate choice for someone who until recently with Alicia and friends, had never invited a partner for sex in her own home. 

As Kalinda's eyes fixed on Alicia as she began to sweat and pant, Alicia reminded herself that this was why they had a safe word, she was supposed to object, to push herself further in this exploration of sex with her partner.

"Please close the door, Kalinda."

"...No," Kalinda replied, hesitating before saying the word. 

"Please?" Alicia tried again.

"Hmmmm. I'll think about it," she said, having finished tying Alicia's feet. The ropes were long enough for Alicia to manoeuvre herself on the bed, to get herself into the positions that most opened her up to her lover's play, but little else. "You're wearing far too many clothes," Kalinda whispered. She was only referring to the black lingerie and slip Alicia used as her _go to_ whenever she was worried about looking _sexy_. She'd been waiting to be made partner to treat herself to some of the more expensive sets of lingerie she knew Kalinda would like, although, there was little that Kalinda disliked when it came to Alicia showing both her skin and her vulnerability.

"Well, I can't undress myself," Alicia whispered, trying to match the tone in her voice to her lover's. 

Kalinda undressed her lover; slow and delicate on some garments, others ripped from her flushing her with the rush of a friction burn, the pain and pleasure merging into one. Alicia closed her eyes and the mellowed colours in her eyelids went black as she felt the cold and silky blindfold touch them. Right there, in the moment that she had everything to lose, Alicia had all she ever needed. Whatever Kalinda was doing to her now, drawing this echo out of her in a way she didn't believe was possible, in the haze as she began to lose focus; if it were a dream, it was a dream she could not wait to become true.

"What did you say?" Kalinda whispered.

"I think I just prayed to God. A God I don't even believe exists."

* * *

When Kalinda finally removed Alicia's blindfold her eyes readjusted to the soft light of the lamp by the side of her bed. Blinking, she noticed it said 21:53, and began scrambling around, putting silk ties into drawers and momsy pyjamas onto herself.

"Did you have a nice evening?" Kalinda asked Alicia as she met her in the kitchen, glass of red wine already poured for her.

"I did, very much so."

Kalinda looked at her like she didn't believe her.

"I did! And I'd like to do that again. How was that even two hours!?"

"You know what they say...Time flies..."

* * *

The door flung open as Zach arrived home. 

"Bang on ten o'clock, I'm impressed Zachary," Alicia smiled as her son entered the room.

"Yeah, well I won't be doing that again."

"What do you mean."

"I'll be at Dad's every Thursday like I'm supposed to be. Nisa and I broke up."

"Oh honey, I'm sorry."

"It's ok, it was for the best."

"As long as you think so?"

Zach nodded. "I'm gonna go to bed. Goodnight," he kissed both his Mom and Kalinda on the cheek.

"Just me or what he holding something back there?" Kalinda whispered.

"Oh there's definitely something he's not telling me."


	22. Options Open

“Alicia, hi," a recognisable voice stopped her as she left the courtroom. Maddie Hayward, impeccably dressed as usual, stood confidently before her. "I’m not stalking you, I promise. I had to meet a judge here...Kate Conroy In probate...do you know her?”

“I don’t," Alicia said both softly and bluntly, somehow.

"Well...I’m backing her for Illinois Appellate Court. But I knew you had a case so while I was here, I thought...I'd check in with you.“

“Eli told me you’re backing Peter.”

“Yes.”

“I don’t know what to say. Thank you. And I hope you didn’t think that I was…fishing for your support.”

“No, not at all. No, I was, uh...I was impressed. The social media announcement, Peter’s public support. All of it, very well crafted.”

“Well that‘s Eli for you.”

“Speaking of good impressions, um, this is a little bit awkward so I’m just going to say it. Would you like to have a drink, sometime?”

Alicia inhaled deeply, her eyes wide in shock. “Look, Maddie, I’m flattered, really. I just...I _have_ been seeing someone.”

“That’s what I get for hitting on the most eligible lesbian in Chicago I guess," Maddie laughed, awkwardly, not quite getting the same energy back from Alicia. She looked at her feet. "Well, now it’s really awkward..."

“I’m sorry, I'm not really _eligible._ And I’m _not_ a lesbian, I thought my post made that clear."

"Well, lesbian...queer woman, all the same isn’t it?"

“No...it’s not."

"Right! Of course...is she anyone I know?"

"Her name is Kalinda Sharma, she works at Lockhart Gardner too.”

“Ooh, a lawyer, aren’t you both the power couple. "

"No, Kalinda is our in-house investigator. Have I misunderstood...are you only supporting Peter because you were hoping for something to happen between us?”

“Oh no, no. Besides, if that’s what I wanted, I wouldn’t necessarily be supporting your _ex,_ would I?”

“I suppose not. Ok, I’m glad that’s clear. I’ll see you around?”

“Wait, hang on...Alicia. Well, the thing is, I wasn’t just hitting on you. I...don’t have many friends, there, I said it. Sometimes it’s hard, um, to know if someone wants to be your friend or if they want something from you.”

“I could imagine that.”

“So, um, would you...like to have a drink sometime?”

“And I’m supposed to think you want _nothing_ from me?”

“No, I just would like to be friends...friends with your Girlfriend too. Queer friends all the better.”

“Well I’ll need to check with her but I’m sure she would be delighted, as am I. How’s that?”

“Good, good. How about tomorrow night?”

“Sounds good.”

“Looking forward.”


	23. Open Pockets

As lovely as it had been to be Maddie's preferred candidate for friendship, and as much as Diane must have felt somewhat slighted by it, Alicia wasn't exactly a _natural_ at making friends. She hadn't been for a long time; not since she was a regular at the club in her days of being a housewife who drank a bottle of wine every day before the kids got home at 3pm.

She'd tried the bottle of wine trick today before meeting Maddie Hawyward at one of Alicia's regular haunts - not that there was anything remotely impressive about the same old bars where the bulk of her associates from other law firms in the Loop would also hang out, but they were, at the very least, the category of Chicagoan socialites who were used to seeing Alicia Florrick around and about. And usually not too far removed from her current state...

"You're drunk," Maddie laughed at Alicia struggling to pronounce the name of the Spanish film director she'd been discussing.

"You're too cultured for me," Alicia sighed. "Arts were never my thing."

"Ah, when people expect you to donate to their causes, the arts _have_ to be your thing."

"Why would they just... _expect_ you to donate to politics and the arts. Why not healthcare...overseas aid..."

"Oh I donate to those things too."

"Wow, you really are rich aren't you?"

"Sorry," Maddie blushed. "I don't like that things are this way, but when you already have money, you get more of it. For every drink I've bought tonight they've given us two more for free. If I want Cubs tickets they upgrade me to a box with a hospitality package. I can't remember the last time I paid for something in its entirety..."

"That must be...hard," Alicia said, meaning to sound sarcastic but accidentally interrupted herself by giggling mid-sentence.

"Oh it's tough..." she laughed. "You've no idea what it's like trying to get laid."

"Is that why do you want to be friends?" Alicia asked, candidly.

"Not especially..."

Alicia distractedly looked at her phone.

"I'm sorry, don't you want to be here?" Maddie asked her, taking another sip of her scotch.

"No, I um...my girlfriend is saying she's here..."

Alicia stood on the rung of her stool looking for her, a difficult feat when in heels and looking for someone a good foot shorter than the average person in the bar. Maddie held her arms in fear she may topple over in one direction or other.

"Kalinda," Alicia waved her over. "Have you met Maddie?"

"No, I don't believe I have," Kalinda said. She was halfway through asking the bartender for her drink when Maddie finished the order for her.

"So, Kalinda, tell me about Alicia."

"Oh, well, what do you already know?" Kalinda asked.

"Nothing anywhere near salacious enough," Maddie laughed.

"I told her about us," Alicia whispered to Kalinda, at a volume which in any other environment would have been plenty audible for the rest of the room to hear.

"Are you looking for a poly arrangement?" Kalinda asked Maddie, directly.

"Oh, no, well I wasn't meaning to get in the middle of anything."

"Don't worry, most people think that's what I'm into anyway...since the rumors that Peter and I were in an open relationship, and, you know, that I apparently approved of his affair...And here I am in an open relationship now and I couldn’t be a happier,” Alicia smiled, squeezing her girlfriend's hand and pulling Kalinda towards her.

“You guys have an open relationship?” Maddie asked, sipping her whisky, intrigued.

“Kinda,” Alicia laughed.

“Oh, just when you turned me down," Maddie said, her laughing and raising an eyebrow implying she meant it as a joke although Kalinda clearly misunderstood her tone.

“She doesn’t have to say yes to everybody," she said, frowning. "We usually only engage in stuff with other partners _together_ , anyway.”

"No, I'm sorry, I did mean the _two_ of you..." Maddie said. "Okay, well I'd best be going. If you do ever want a third, give me a call.”

"I don't think so," Alicia laughed. “Imagine if the press got hold of that!”

“What’s the issue if they did?”

“Sleeping with my husband’s campaign financier.”

“What if I weren’t his financier?”

“What does that mean?”

“I’m considering my options, I may back a female candidate. A queer female candidate even.”

“Like who?”

“Me?”

“And you think they wouldn’t dig that up? Sleeping with the opposition.”

"Are you and Peter not separated now?"

"Well yes..."

"So I don't see how we need to worry. No more than the two of you already do...you're clearly seasoned experts here. Give me a call." 


	24. Close at hand

Kalinda walked barefoot across the lawn outside Maddie's house, (house was a modest word for it, _mansion_ would be more accurate) before settling on a rock formation beside the pond and lighting up a cigarette.

"Hey," Maddie whispered, following her, also barefoot. "She's down, for now, I think," she whispered. As she sat beside Kalinda she fidgeted her toes, the nails painted a blue that glistened as the glitter caught to moonlight.

"I hate doing this," Kalinda sighed." She held out her cigarette, offering it to Maddie who obliged.

"Doing what?" she asked, taking a drag. "The threesome? Not that it's happened...yet."

"Having to overthink...everything."

Maddie raised an eyebrow.

"I think it's getting to Alicia too."

"How so? The drinking?"

Kalinda nodded. So Maddie _had_ noticed. Given, it had been twice in two evenings with her new friend that Alicia had gotten _very_ drunk. This time, as soon as Alicia had begun the vomiting stage Kalinda had made a sharpish exit.

"Do you think she's got a problem?"

"I doubt anyone who knows her well doesn't, or won't if this continues. Just with things still being relatively early days for us, even though we've moved so quickly, there are still some things I can't broach with her. I don't want every decision we make, about how much we drink, who we sleep with, where we show our faces in public, to all be about the _public perception_ , you know? And as much as obviously I don't want her to fuck up her life in the long term, sometimes I just want to be able to make a decision purely on the grounds that because I care for her, or because I'm not in the mood for a fucking press conference."

"I know how that feels. You weren't in the mood for this tonight were you?"

"Honestly, Maddie, I just wanted to _fuck_ and then _sleep_."

Maddie laughed. "Glad to know what it feels like to be pursued by Chicago's most eligible poly couple. I'm flattered."

Kalinda smiled. "Sorry for being so blunt with you when we met the other night...I think we've been so big on the _experimenting_ recently, and she's been really getting into it, that sometimes we forget about finding time to just... _love_. Like having this poly or open arrangement, or whatever we wanna call it, is only gonna work if we're putting each other first. The first time, it was with a friend's sister, and she was such a...sensitive person. I really felt like, _this is how we can make this work_ , combining the way I've always been with the way Alicia has always wanted to be."

"So more of a _private arrangement_ than a _swingers club_ kinda thing?"

"Right. Which was the idea for tonight..."

Maddie interlaced her fingers with Kalinda's. "Let's see how she feels in the morning."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Femslash February everyone!


End file.
